Reasons you don't want to come out?

I feel he same way.

 

Well, personally I don't think it means inviting them into a personal space. Saying I'm gay doesn't mean you go out announcing all of your sexcapades. Like for example, my mother knows about me and I do talk about my various sexual adventures but that's the type of relationship we have. We've always been open about our sex lives. Me being gay didn't change that dynamic. If your parents don't want to know about your sex life, you being gay is still going to have them not wanting to know. It's not like you have to give weekly reports on your sex life just cause you're gay lol.

Trust me though, when I was in denial I felt like it was an extremely personal thing so you aren't alone with that concern to answer your question. But really, if your mother doesn't want to know now she won't if you decide to come out either. All that really does is let her know who you gravitate towards.

 

Well, lots of reasons, actually. I'll break it down:

Dad: He's made a whole lot of disparaging comments towards and about homosexuals in the past; about gay characters on TV, about the only male employee at the place where I get my hair cut, about other kids at my school...I think he would be the kind of parent who still loved me, but would rather me be straight and would take a long time to get over it. I'm procrastinating on this one.

Friends: Because of the circle of friends I hold and their extended lists of friends, I kind of assume they already know even though I haven't even hinted at it. The only straight guy in the group would probably not hang out with us if it weren't for his girlfriend, who's close friends with everyone else. They'll be the next ones to know, though.

Other schoolmates: Look at my location. Being gay in the south sucks ass, and having everyone in the building would be like constructing a wall right in front of myself, then trying to climb over it. It's just an extra burden I really don't want to deal with right now, and I'm already a little socially distant - coming out would only add to that, plus all the bullying and harassment that comes along with it. My life is tough enough as it is.

 

I so understand you.
My parent's were kinda suspecting the case cuz I kept saying that I'm not interested in getting a boyfriend...etc. And even one night they sort of by accident read an e-mail of me telling my best friend about it. So my dad confronted me but I lied that it was just a joke. His reaction was that it's a serious problem but it's not like gonna be a huge fight and force me to be straight or whatever.
I think my personal reasons are:
1) I'm not even so sure what I am just that I'm not 100% straight.
2) I'm not ready (mentally) for this kinda thing yet- it is really confronting!! And we dont tend to talk about sex much in my family.
3) And I dont even have any girl relationships yet.

 

Think about it this way: had you been straight, you would have invited them into that personal space eventually anyway. I mean, unless you wanted to keep boyfriends secret too.
And it's hardly as if parents don't have any theories about what their children get themselves into. Even the straight ones.

Do you really wish to keep ever bigger parts of your life in the dark? What about family get-togethers later on? Other people bring their straight partners to that too, and I doubt parents have any wrong ideas about what they're doing when they're alone together...

That said, you're talking to the ultimate procrastinator here. I've been trying to tell my mom for weeks now, but every single time there's something coming up. Either one of her friends is around, or my brother brings his girlfriend in, or... This week was the week I was going to tell her, but I remembered just in time that she has her birthday this week (and "Happy birthday! PS I'm gay" is not the way I want to do this). What can I say, I just like to create a controlled environment to do this.
Next week I might be out of excuses (finally)...

 

Honestly, everyone has his or her own reasons to dread coming out; your reasons are no less valid than anyone else's. In fact, I'm rather sure that several people here understand where you are coming from, considering that revealing one's sexual orientation is, to an extent, informing others about one's personal life. As a matter of fact, if you know that you are not mentally or physically [etc.] prepared to go through with your coming out process, then I suggest you wait until you believe that you are ready and that you are sure of your orientation.

As for your other question, there are incalculable reasons as to why I haven't come out. The most predominant include:

• My parents are VERY religious, so they would not support my "lifestyle."
• I am very afraid of what others think of me; I could not handle going out and everyone knowing about me.
• The South is not a good place to come out.
• There is no impetus (e.g. currently dating) for me to do so.

All in all, I just don't see it happening. :eusa_whis :eusa_sile :eusa_snoo

 

There's a simple way to come out in your position. Simply starting referring to your girlfriend as "my girlfriend". This takes the focus away from "I'm interested in girl parts" and puts it on "I'm in a relationship with a girl".

Lex