Hi, I'm 46 years old and working on the scariest part of coming out: family/parents and then my ex husband. He and I have a good relationship and still get along, and have a mutual circle of people we mingle with. I dont want to have him sucker punched with the news. Anyway, I hope this is the place to post the following: I am 46 years old, recently divorced from my husband and in an amazing relationship with an amazing woman. For as long as I can remember I have sort of "struggled" with accepting that I am gay. I had a gay relationship in my 20s that went bad, neither if us was good for each other. As that ended I told my parents the actual level of the relationship. They helped me leave her, building a kitchenette apartment in their house for me to move into, getting me out of there and erasing the 'gay' part of my past. After that, I hid my true self, dated men, eventually marrying a man. When I finally left that 13 year relationship I found myself having thoughts about women. I'd been in therapy for a few years during the marriage and when my therapist tried to expound on the idea I quickly snuffed it. But, once free to find myself I realized my true identity and I have embraced it. Since doing so I have told several friends and my sisters, all who have been supportive, even if a bit reluctant. My next hurdle is to tell my folks. They are in their mid 80s and in good health. I am not really worried they will disown me and I am independent financially and everything like that. I have a great group of friends who I can depend on, and my lady who is completely out is very patient and loving about the situation. There is no pressure from her about this at all. We are going on vacation together soon, along with one of my sisters, and I dont want to have to worry about what gets posted online or have to censor what I say about things we did while we were gone. I am ready to be out, I feel it will be a relief for me to stop hiding, and to not have to worry so much about who sees me with her holding her hand in public. My concern is how do I say this to my parents, old school Christian's who are set in their ways... and my mom has a tendency to worry about what other people will think. That is probably my biggest concern, their health. They are both healthy with some typical aging things like forgetfulness and hard of hearing and stiff like that. But I dont want to have her/them get worked up about this and get sick. I dont try to hide things with my lady when we go out, and I dont want my folks to hear it from someone else besides me. I guess I'm just looking for some input on how to say or not to say to them that I am gay, and that I'm finally happy with my life. They dont know the extent of my issues with anxiety and depression but I've battled it since my teens so they aren't totally in the dark on that. (I know I'm bouncing around here, I'm sorry about that.) I know I am ready to do this, but I dont want to be harsh or crass or disrespectful. So... any advice or ideas? Thank you in advance.
I think that being honest, clear and consistent is the best way to go. Answer their questions and only tell them as much as you feel comfortable. Have the conversation in a place that they’ll feel comfortable, so probably not overly public. It might also be easier for them if your girlfriend isn’t there at the time, but you may prefer to have support. I don’t think there’s a magic solution. If they’re going to worry, then I don’t think you can prevent that entirely, and you don’t want to make compromises for them either, which would defeat the point of coming out. Best of luck with telling them and keep us updated! I hope COVID-19 hasn’t messed up your vacation plans (though, I guess it likely has).
