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Quiet Introverted Nonbinary

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Rainowl, May 6, 2018.

  1. Rainowl

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    I am a very quiet and introverted non-binary individual. Only a few people know about this, and on the outside I have long hair (because short hair is not a good look for me at all) glasses, and dress as unisex as possible. We are temporarily living in a part of the country that I don't find would accept me if they knew, but early next year we will be in the West coast and things may become easier then.

    I feel very uncomfortable around people, especially people who are very masculine or very feminine. This compounds my shy nature, I guess. i'm kind of lost as a person all together, and my gender identity is a part of it. I'm not really certain how to relate to the world and people within it, or how to express myself in a way that reflects my nonbinary identity.
     
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  2. Canfer

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    Hello Rainowl,

    First off: when you say that you consider yourself a non-binary individual, do you mean that you consider yourself both male or female, or neither of them?
     
  3. Rainowl

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    Hello, sometimes I feel that I am both, at other times neither. I know that it is rather odd, but it is how I have experienced my gender for a very long time.
     
  4. KayNB

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    hi Ron... er I mean Rainowl (I'd be careful with that rat!... eek!)...

    I soooo can relate to this ♥♥♥ I don't think it's odd at all. Being NB is complicated enough to figure out for ourselves, but then to have to figure out how to interact with people in a sincere and honest way? bleh... too much work! I try myself, and I find when I start to feel like I am expressing myself in a gender appropriate way that I look in the mirror and judge myself. I get hit with internalized transphobia and get insecure and feel like I want to hide even more. One thing that I've found that helps is connecting with friends where I can express my genderqueer parts of me. So when you move you should see if there are meetups/support groups/connections to the LGBT community through work if you have a job out there... etc... create your own safe spaces :slight_smile:

    I am asexual and I've found that connecting with the asexual community even my introverted ways are acceptable in that group... Same goes at the trans support group that I go to, no one gives me a tough time if I am quiet. They try to include me, but don't pressure. So maybe there are areas like that you can connect.

    West coast is a little easier to be weird, but not all of west coast. Don't let it hold you back though. Be you and try to cheer yourself on every time you succeed at pushing yourself.

    Good luck! and welcome to EC too ♥
     
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  5. Crisalide

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    Did you read the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain? I think it's inspiring for introverts; I've read some passages.
     
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  6. KayNB

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    +1 on the recommendation for this book. It's awesome! ♥♥♥ such a great perspective on the values of introverts and how our world is biased to give extroverts the advantage, yet the rest of us are just as good at things typically associated with extroversion... like leadership, communication, problem solving... etc. It's a great book!
     
  7. Rainowl

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    Hello ^^ (and sorry for the late reply.)
    It is very complicated :/ I have found that the easiest way for me to communicate with others is online, but in person, I am just polite and shy. This is how I get through it. I find that it helps to dress in a unisex way, and to kind of do my own thing. I also avoid acting in specific gender ways. I think it would help to try to find an LGBT group once we are out there.

    When we went out there last summer, it seemed like Washington was a very accepting place, so hopefully that is generally the case :slight_smile: I am glad that you found a community that is right for you. Thanks for being so kind ^^
     
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  8. Rainowl

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    Thank you, I will check it out :slight_smile:
     
  9. KayNB

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    Yeah, trying to resist acting in gendery ways does cause me to hesitate in being actively social sometimes. I am also diagnosed with aspergers/autism but I have lots of coping mechanisms so it's not always obvious... one of those coping mechanisms is to not blurt out the things that seem like I should say them... this technique keeps me from seeming awkward as much but also makes chit chat sooooo much tougher. I am working on just being awkward more often though :slight_smile:

    Washington will probably be good! I've only been there once and didn't really connect with anything LGBTish but Seattle/Renton area seemed cool :slight_smile:
     
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  10. Snidi

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    Yeah, I'd relocate to a more accepting place as soon as you can! In the meanwhile, just do your best to navigate, find online groups, read a lot of informative positive information about the world! Is it possible there's a therapist locally near you who might be able to help?? Maybe there's a therapist you can go to by phone or Skype? (Just be careful not to have parents overhear, obviously)
     
    #10 Snidi, May 14, 2018
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
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  11. Rainowl

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    Hey :slight_smile: I had a tough time responding to your message on my profile--so here it is:

    I wasen't sure how to post a comment on your profile. Sorry about that! Technology challenged :face_palm: Thanks for the follow back! Ron is one of my favoritist characters, and his rat is adorable. I think I find it adorable because one of our cats looks like a rat:smiley_cat: Iv'e always loved Harry Potter!! Such a great series!


    In response to your message here--
    I have noticed that socializing is becoming difficult for so many people. I wonder if this issue is location based, or if society is a bit harsh in general. I guess that I just see myself as a genderless person, and I try to act and dress in a unisex way and to be kind to everyone. Chit chat is difficult, and so much easier online :blush: This is the case I think for those with Asperger's, depression, or extreme shyness :grin: I completely understand how you feel. Washington is beautiful beyond words. I plan to blend into the background, so that I can be invisible. It would be really nice to find an LGBT group.
     
  12. Rainowl

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    Yes! I am trying to do just that :slight_smile: I do see a therapist, but due to scheduling it is rather difficult to meet with her at times. Well, I don't live with my parents anymore. They are good people, but it is nice to have some space all the same.