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questions questions questions

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Emma 123, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. Emma 123

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    Hi
    As you can see from my very inventive screen-name, my name is Emma. I've been a member for quite a while now, but I have only just gathered up the courage to post something. I'm forcing myself to post, because I have a lot of questions (and have had for a long time) which I need to stop just ignoring. I hope you can help me.

    After spenfing a long time just reading other's posts, especially the coming out stories, I realized that I'm not really sure if i've come out, people just seem to know- is this normal? The fact that I've never come out, or felt the need to, has caused me to question my sexuality. Although I've never been in a relationship, I have had a few crushes. I was just wondering- how do you know what your sexuality is? Personally, I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a male, but then I'm not sure I can imagine being with a female either, I just know that I find women attractive- what does this say about my sexuality?

    I joined empty closets after my mum suggested that I found something like it. I was talking to her, and she asked me if my lack of knowing any non-heterosexual people made me feel lonley- this was the point when I was able to identify the feeling. I feel lonley because I (as far as I know) only know heterosexual people. I understand that EC will allow me to get to know more people who have the non-hetrosexuality thing in common with me, but I was hoping one of you could tell me how you get to know other LGBT people in your area?

    Furthermore, I had a 'debate' with a classmate about the labeling of sexuality. How important is it really? I feel like I take comfort in labeling myself, although this contradicts my view that labeling people is wrong (and I'm really not 100% sure about my sexuality either). This confuses me, have any of you felt something similar?

    Sorry for making the message so long, it was just nice to get this off my chest. I hope that you have some answers for my questions, there are definitley more to come.
    I would also like to thank you for your posts and replies, I really have found them very useful.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my message
    Kind regards
    Emma
     
  2. Creativemind

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    "how do you know what your sexuality is?"
    You know by finding certain genders attractive and imagining whether or not you'd want to have sex with or date those genders. Some people think you should experiment, but I strongly disagree on It's accuracy. It's possible for lesbians to dislike experimenting with women for several reasons, and to enjoy the act with men for several reasons. So it can just cause more confusion. I pretty much knew my sexuality from mental fantasies and that's that.

    It's harder for lesbians to know their sexuality because of compulsory heterosexuality in general. We live in a society where women are pressured/forced into liking men and constantly have lesbianism invalidated. These social messages can make it hard to come to terms with what you are.

    "how you get to know other LGBT people in your area?"

    LGBT clubs and events or gay bars. If you go to university, there's several options. If not, It's just easier to meet gay people online. I don't know any LGBT people in real life.

    "labeling of sexuality?"

    Labels are helpful to some people, especially to exclusive homosexual people. I can understand why some bi spectrum people do not "want to label themselves" as the labels can start to get murky. But as a lesbian, my labeling is important to me since excluding men in a romantic sense is just as important as my love for women. Why? Because I don't want men to think I'm interested in them, or for people to assume I'm the same as bi spectrum people who do not like labels. Sexuality labels are important to some people looking to date because you have to clarify interests and preferences.
     
  3. AlexanderDragon

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    is it normal for people to know? not totally sure, no one i knew seemed to know, maybe it's bc they didn't know i was also trans, so they assumed heterosexuality.

    how do you know what your sexuality is? I just paid attention to my interests. 95% of the time, i'm down with dudes, but the other 5%, I find myself interested in everyone else. was kinda weird, waking up and going like "girls are nice."

    getting to know other lgbt+ people?
    GSA, I love GSA so much, obv online forums, looking for queer events in your area online, etc.


    Labeling? i find it nice to put an identifier on what I like, and from there I can expand on the specifics. some people don't like it, feel it's limiting, but hey, you do you.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    Forgot to answer the "Does everyone seem to know" question. Depends. Lesbians don't have good physical gaydar since femme lesbians are a lot more common than butch, and people now accept straight women as "sort of butch" as well. So it really depends on more body language than that...like shying away from talking about boys or showing interest.
     
  5. Emma 123

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    Thank you both, I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. AlexanderDragon- what is GSA?
     
  6. YuriBunny

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    Gay = gay straight alliance.

    Usually a school LGBT+ club. ^^
     
  7. SexyPorkchop

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    Ok so I'm having a hard time figuring out my sexuality....I've always had attraction to most women but I gave men a try first.. I always wanted kids and to be married...I think the only reason I've dated men is because I've never met a women who is into me or find me attractive..when I watch porn it's girls of course, I dated several women just never made it to second base... I know what to do with women im just afraid of being terrible or rushing..so right out of high school I got married and had the kids I wanted with a guy..he turned out to be an asshole so we went separate ways..I tried dating men again and the more I date men the more I realize that I'm bored with men sexually and physically...I still try to ask women out or whatever and no luck....I know what I like and it's confusing me because life seems to say I'm not meant to be gay... If that makes sense can someone give me advice?!?
     
  8. AlexanderDragon

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    Yup yup yup

    though I think nationally/in the us they changed gay-straight alliance to genders-sexualities alliance so it makes a wee bit more sense.

    we have ours after school for about an hour, we just get together and talk about things relevant to the community and to our lives. now that I think of it, ours is kind of like a real life version of EC, minus the anonymity of course.
     
  9. Impa

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    Hi, Emma!
    I've always known I was gay because I've never found boys interesting at all and because I used to think: "When I grow up, I won't date men. Maybe women" and when I turned 18, I thought I had to tell my parents, so to make sure before telling them, I tried imagining myself with a man I thought was handsome and got disgusted, and I could imagine myself with a woman. So I told them I was gay.
    If you find women attractive, but you don't find men attractive, then you are a lesbian.

    I'd like to know that as well. I've Google'd "LGBT" and the name of my city and haven't found much. =/
     
  10. YuriBunny

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    Oops, I meant to say, "GSA = gay straight alliance."

    But I guess I still got the meaning across. ^^'

    ---------- Post added 3rd Dec 2016 at 03:52 PM ----------

    Maybe in some schools. In my school it's definitely still called a gay straight alliance. That's interesting though; it does make more sense.
     
  11. Emma 123

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    hmm...I dont think that there is anything like this in my school, but I would love it if there was! The only LGBT place I can find in my city is a bar, but its more for meeting people to date, rather than befriend :-( I know that it's probably not true, but I feel like im the only LGBT person in my school...and I know I'm the onlt LGBT person in my class...idk, sometimes it just gets a little lonley. I am considering starting up a GSA club at my school, but I am worried that no one will show up, or that people who dont know that I am gay will change the way they treat me...is this irrational?