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Questions? Maybe over thing this...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Vikki, May 25, 2023.

  1. Vikki

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    I look up a lot of things and read a lot of articles etc to learn...

    I have questions but unsure who to ask...

    Maybe it's just different opinions on what others can give?

    Forgive me if these questions seem random or strange... It's just how it think...

    I don't see any issues with LGBT orientation etc and it doesn't bother me at all. Kissing hugging etc...
    I have always thought like this.

    My ex partner is a bit homophobic. He was very against his twin sister coming out gay. He did adjust.

    I have asked my family members in a subtle way how they feel about lgbt etc... To gage their reaction.

    My mum and aunt said they couldn't be with a women as it's cringe. Their word.
    But they did say they are supportive...

    I know my family and I don't think they are comfortable with this. Not really. Maybe it's their generation or too close to home.
    I bet they wouldn't have accepted anyone coming out 15-20years ago.
    Times are changing... There is more talk about this...

    Is it just me that see this lgbt+ completely normal?
    I can't work out their reactions...

    Then I started to think of how attraction is between same sex couples...

    I am bad for giving off signs of a crush which I didn't realise I was doing. :flushed:
    As I am female..... Wouldn't I be giving off 'signs' to 'attract' a male even though I was doing this towards a female.
    Eg. Dressing nice/playing with my hair/being awkward etc
    Would a female even know what the signs are?

    Does that make sense?

    I know attraction is subjective... I am so self conscious about how I look. I am wondering how attractive I would be to others? Mainly the opposite sex...

    I can't say I have ever had anyone chat me up in my life by people who I don't know. Neither male or female.
    I knew my ex male partner since we were kids so I exclude him.
    Plus my ex says I'm attractive but he is biased.

    I struggle to make friends my whole life... Which could be why I am self conscious about my appearance as it has to be something about me.

    If I can't make friends... How can I find a partner?

    I wondering as males have never hit on me... I'm wondering how the same sex will see attraction toward me?
    Or is it not important?

    Any thoughts...
     
  2. Vikki

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    Also...

    I like to learn about myself and question everything.

    I don't want to assume or judge as that's not my intention.

    I am wondering as straight males are attracted to women...
    Do lgbt female think a long the lines of straight men? Maybe not quite the same thing...

    I watch a lot of videos but they are for straight guys/women.
     
  3. Necrose

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    I am not a woman, so take any advice I may have with a grain of salt. The first thing, you want to be comfortable with yourself first, so if you prefer to dress and act traditionally feminine or at least in ways that men would find attractive, then do that. Do not try to change yourself to try to attract a woman because you think that is what they would want out of a partner. Maybe they would, but if they did and you felt that wasn't you, it's every bit as much a disaster as it would be if you were trying to attract a man. And how could you find a partner if you can't make friends with anybody first? I don't know, I have the same problem, but for probably different reasons. Or maybe there is some overlap. How do you feel about going out to meet people, whether that be for friendship or romance? What kinds of places are you comfortable going out to?
     
  4. Wanderlost

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    It's not unusual for straight people who are accepting to also find same sex relationships as cringeworthy or gross. My ex's mother and sister both accept her and love her very much but both would turn there nose up at the thought of intimacy with another woman. I wouldn't put too much consideration into this.

    I think a female would know the signs? but maybe some, like a straight woman, might not be expecting it from a woman so they may not pay attention at first until someone else points it out. this is changing through. My own mother, who is attractive, is starting to notice when other women pay that kind of attention to her. 20 years ago she may not have even paid attention, but she does now. A sign of the times. I also don't think you're bad for behaving that way. I suppose if you were being way to forward or flirty with someone who is not available, that would be different, or someone who has already made it clear they are not into you, or not into women.

    I don't see how your ex can be bias and therefore does not count. That's not being fair to your ex and his own ability to spot and see attractive people. Like he's some odd person for thinking you are attractive but other people who might think you are are justified for feeling that way because they are not bias? I don't understand your logic here. What you are looking for I think is a second opinion. And if that new avatar picture is you, then yes, you are attractive for sure. You have nothing to worry about, even from younger gay women. I would say that for women physical attraction is less important on average than with men. But first impressions are still a thing, even for women.

    I think straight men are far different than queer women. The attention I get from a guy is very different in consistency and intensity. A man can be relentless or super passive depending on the type. They either throw caution to the wind, or are so concerned about being a creep they completely go the other way and practically ignore you, even coming off as dismissive. Women tend to be more evenly keeled. Not so intend or so dismissive. Maybe we are not as concerned about how we present ourselves? There are always exceptions of course. Women have just as many personality types as men, so there is that. I imagine I've not even experienced most types.
     
  5. Vikki

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    I guess I over think things...

    I am more myself than I was... I have always suffered social anxiety so meeting people is hard. I'm becoming better with it but it's difficult and can't happen overnight. I am accepting how I look as I can't change this which is why I changed my avatar.

    Some days I'm really up for doing something and maybe meeting people. Other days I'm not so keen. I'm afraid. Then I overthink everything else.

    I don't know how to be someone's friend or vice versa.
     
  6. Vikki

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    I guess I don't really know the signs from either male or female as I've never experienced it.

    I was just wondering if LGBT people picked up on signs given to them?

    I say my ex is biased because he knows me and wouldn't be able to give an objective opinion.
    I was thinking more on the view of a strangers perspective...

    My ex said physical attraction was his first thought and is taken into account for himself.
    As you say... I don't think that is as important.

    I know I should stop over thinking it and just go with the flow. I'm sure things will naturally happen when the time is right.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    I don’t think your questions are silly at all. I think that everyone is different in their own way. I don’t think females give off signals that only straight men can see it is just that society deems that is who they are usually aimed at. I’m not saying all women are great at reading the signs but as long as they are looking for them there is no reason they can’t see them.

    I agree that these things are hard to imagine and usually much more natural when they happen in real life.
     
  8. Ntina21

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    Well, I suppose it is common for str8 people who dont have any lgbtq+ contacts in their lifes, to not being able to 'accept' or to find some things cringe or strange because they have never experienced them. I mean, to an extent, it makes sense as long as their intentions are fine...