Questions for Trans

There are quite a few poeple who tell their story and talk about different subjects on youtube.
This might be a start: The Transgender Guide! (Part 1) - YouTube
The video is from a Male to Female trans person, there are also persons transitioning to male (FtM).

 

Did not mean to keep anybody from telling their story... just found this video interesting...

If you have further questions, please ask or drop a note...

 

Transitioning is something I have wanted since I was very young, but I didn't realize it was possible until I was older. I didn't start identifying as female until I learned what transsexual was and about the possibilities of transitioning. Personally, as a behaviorist, I consider gender and sexuality to be learned behavior (though certainly not chosen behavior, since radical behaviorism is a strongly deterministic philosophy). I also think that being transsexual (as opposed to transgender) has much more to do with a person's relationship to their body than it does to femme or butch behavior, styles of dress, interest/hobbies, or inclinations. It has taken me a long time to become more comfortable about myself (and the success of my transition I'm sure plays a big part in that). I still have a long way to go.

 

To be honest, I don't know that I am a guy. I know I was born female, and I want to look like a guy, and be read as male by strangers, and I know I don't identify as a woman because I never have. But I don't necessarily feel like a man. I find binary gender concepts restrictive.

There's a lot of different kinds of people under the trans umbrella, all with their own experiences. I've been uncomfortable with my body ever since I...blossomed...but not everyone has this exerience. All I ever wanted was a flat chest and abs and less curvy thighs and a less stupid face, but some ftm individuals might be ok with some or all of these parts. I can't wait to have top surgery to make my chest look more male, but some ftms are ok with binding their chests forever, and some don't bind at all. And like DhammaGamer said, there's a difference between a person's relationship with their body and femme/butch behavior and inclinations. So trans people are really like a box of chocolates. While I have a terrible relationship with my body, I'm not more butch than other ftms - I'm actually more femme than most ftm's I've met. I guess what I'm saying is, there's no one way to be trans, and no one trans person is more trans than any other trans person. When I was first coming to terms with myself it took me a while to see this because I was uninformed on trans topics. But as I started to understand things better, I was able to accept myself better.

 

Hi!

I'll let you in on a little secret, most of us aren't even, really don't sweat it. I think it's cool that you're asking questions We all understand each other a lot better and, honestly, you know, when I answer questions like this, they really make me think about myself a lot more. Lots of the time in ways I haven't had to.

How you knew you were the opposite gender

So that kind of certainty... I think it's actually pretty rare. It's like... being sure you're an artist we'll say. You can of course take some kind of arbitrary milestone - I sold a picture, I painted something - but you ask 10 people what it means to be an artist and they'll give you 11 answers.

I've always had a feeling, is a good way to put it. I had this feeling when I accidentally used the girl's bathroom when I was 7 (and a few years before that when my mom was still taking me into the women's room), I had it when I started losing all my friends because they didn't want to be friends with boys any more, I had it when I learned what a sex change was, I had it when puberty started, the first time I had to get changed in front of people in gym, the very first time I "cross dressed", when my voice changed, back when I was doing things to "be a guy" and acting a lot to compensate. So many more times, I will walk away from this and they'll all come back to me and I will want to write tons more down.

I guess the best way to describe this feeling... you know when I was a teenager it was a lot easier for me to present female. And the first time I saw myself, I felt like stuff was just okay. I think it was a feeling that was always there and I was always used to it, right then what I felt was relief. That's what the feeling was for me for a long time. Exhaustion and relief. Now I feel really sad and agitated when I meet people and I know they are going to see a guy. I feel a little despair, like what the heck am I doing, this is never going to get better, this is life for me. I remember times when I was able to get past it and they keep me going, I realize how full of crap I am, but you know, the full of crap is at a deep level, not really a place I can reason with. Sometimes I feel normal, I'm just like any other woman, I can focus on the things that matter to me, my goals, my dreams, I can get in a relationship, all the things out there aren't just for other people, it's okay for me too. So that's what it is for me now. Hope and despair.

But describing the feeling, really looking back at my life and making sense of it, it isn't really a feeling by itself, more a push. It's a lot the way I feel when I'm around an attractive woman. An instinctive part of me says this is good, this is right. The other part of me of course is at the same time looking at her and going "well okay, my arms look kind of like that, but I am way too tall to look like that", kind of sizing her up and maybe making me feel jealous. But they're both just there, just mother nature giving me her little suggestions. I feel like it's the same kind of thing that allows sea turtles to make it to the sea alive, and packs of wolves form in the wild. It's just, part of me at that level really needs me to be a woman. It's hard to make sense of it, but I know when I am acting in harmony with it, and I know when I'm acting against it.

It's frustrating, because it conflicts with other instincts I have. Like a huge part of me feels - well less now but it used to be really strong - like anything girl was unsafe, like people seeing me as gay was a terrible thing, just a whole lot of BS. And these parts of me were fighting, and I'm stuck in the middle, feeling like crap no matter what I do. So when I decide to pick a direction and you know just go in that direction, suddenly it's better. I'm taking charge. That feeling stops being something good and bad. It starts being a little more like what I felt when I was rock climbing in high school. I'm just there. I can keep going up, I can rest, I can go down and maybe try a different route. But whatever happens that's how I feel now. I'm just here. And honestly, I think this is the best that being trans has ever felt.

So I think in a roundabout way I think I can finally answer your question. Just like knowing you are an artist, or knowing you are in love. It comes from just living it. You can't pick something and say that everyone who looks like this, or has done this, or whatever, is a woman. But out of those things, some of them are going to be important to you. And I have had enough of those things of my own, that I am developing a little bit of that certainty. I'm acting in harmony with those parts of me now, all the time. That part of me that's terrified of how other people are going to see me, is now working with me as well, helping me run toward my problems and away from folks expectations instead of the opposite like it used to. Of course I'm a woman. Because being a woman is a verb to me now, it's not a noun. I'm being a woman all the time.

I really feel like I wrote a book But you know I think that really gives you a little more insight into me than if I just bolded out everything and hit it separately anyway. I just really hope it wasn't quite clear as mud. You really can't ever see the world through someone else's eyes but hopefully I did an okay job sharing what was going on behind mine.

 

Sometimes we don't even know we are transgender/transsexual at first.
But when we look back, we notice there was always something not right..

I'm a bit of an unusual case, because I want to be androgynous.
I wear an androgynous fashion style. I use makeup, and sometimes even wear skirts.
When I was little, I played with toy cars, motorcycles and trains. But I also played with dolls (never played "mommy" though).
I played basketball, but also did theater.
I was always a bit of both, I guess.

Ever since I hit puberty and started growing breasts, I wanted to bind them (I even remember saying I wanted to get rid of them!)
I thought of this as normal tomboy behaviour. It didn't occur to me that I was trans at that time.
But I also felt disgusted with my genitals. Even before I really knew what male genitals looked like!

1 or 2 years ago, I had already seen male bodies in their fullest (ahem).
And (besides attraction), I felt a sort of longing. I wanted to be like that. I wanted my body to look like that.
I shook off that feeling and put it at the back of my mind. I thought "Why am I thinking like that? I'm a girl, I should like being a girl. Right?"

But that feeling got stronger. And now that I have realised I am trans, it's stronger than ever.
I love my face, and my hair. But my body feels alien to me. It doesn't feel right.
But it never truely has.

I'm a young trans guy. So everything is very new to me as well..
But all I know is, I long for a magical day when I wake up, and my body looks like this:
http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users...e-dont-quite-know--large-msg-122675528552.jpg

 

Trannysition - Imgur

Hope this helps you.

 

I wish I could just wake up with a body like that! :eusa_pray In a perfect world...

A lot of what you said resonates with me too. I wish I could wear skirts without getting a unanimous "girl", though. It's the only thing stopping me from wearing them these days. I think I'm getting more androgynous looking, but I have such a long way to go before other people will see me as I should be.

That's the thing too - I might not be entirely certain that I'm the opposite gender, but I am fairly certain that I am not physically right. It's definitely a feeling, when I look at guys and get envious (and it is envy), that I should look like that. It's all very strange, but not wrong.