Whoever responds, please indicate your gender identity . Though these questions are most targeted for gender fluid men, I am open for anyone to add their input (straight men/women, gender fluid women, transgender men/women, androgynes, etc.) Just make sure to tell me your identity, so I can understand where you're coming from . 1. How did you realize that you were gender fluid? 2. Do you find it to be easy to tell rougly ‘how’ gender fluid you are? (approx.. 80% male, 20% female/50% male, 50% female/30% male, 70% female, etc.) 3. How do you best express yourself as someone who is gender fluid? (Regarding both genders) 4. How can you tell that you are gender fluid as opposed to transgender? 5. Are there any measures you take to alter your body to be more androgynous/feminine? 6. Did you ever consider transitioning into a woman despite not feeling entirely female? 7. How can you tell whether your thoughts are legitimate or whether you are in denial? 8. Did you open up about your gender to any friends or family members? 9. When do you feel the most like the opposite gender? Is it randomized or is there a specific trigger? 10. Do you think there's a way to feel happy/satisfied with life even as a gender fluid male? What makes you feel the most happy?
I'm genderfluid, but definitely not a "man". 1, After I went through the process of realizing I wasn't cis, I started searching for who I really was. I was not, nor did I ever desire to be full-time male, and I tried and hated being full-time female. So, all the binary options were off the table. I started really thinking about how I felt, and the conclusion is that it changed. A lot. There was no category I stayed in all the time, and there wasn't one I wanted to settle down in permanently. The only label that didn't seem like going from one jail cell right to another was "genderfluid." And I'd felt trapped for so long that I wasn't going to pass up what looked like my one chance to be free. 2, It's sometimes unclear what gender I am, and it's almost never 100% any one thing, but I'm pretty good at assigning percentages regardless. In the past, the average of my feelings was it was about 30% masculine, 35% feminine, and 35% nonbinary. I've felt it trend higher in masculine and nonbinary in the past couple months, though I haven't been keeping record of it lately. That is just the average, most of the time it was much less balanced with than that, with one or two genders being more prominent than the other(s), switching every couple days. 3. I have a shit ton of clothes. So much clothing. I never really understood why before I came out to myself, but I have a really broad selection of clothes so I almost never have to do laundry wear something that feels wrong for my gender. I have binders and bras, boxers and undies, lots of colors, lots of things that can be dressed up or down. I just got a packer. And makeup. I use contour to enhance masculine features or feminine ones depending on the day, and sometimes use spirit gum to apply realistic facial hair if I'm in a situation where it's safe for me to have it on. I don't wear makeup as much if I'm feminine because I have hormones and genetics on my side in those cases, so I just play up colors. Apparently women are the only people allowed to wear bright colors in the gender roles around me, so anything bright and babydoll cut instantly chickifies me. :icon_roll 4. I don't stay put. I can't stay put. 5. I bind my chest to be more androgynous, and wear boxier cuts. And looser jeans, to hide my butt and hips. 6. I only rarely think about transitioning to male, and I always reach the conclusion of "No, I know I'd regret that". I would be happier transitioning to nonbinary, though, that suits me well. I flip-flop on wanting hormones (sometimes I -need- them and sometimes I wonder why I even and I'm just plain not interested in anything surgery has the option of giving me. 7. Ohh boy does this plague me. I'm constantly obsessed with whether this is "good enough", "bad enough", "trans enough", anything enough. I can't tell, and so, in the absence of being able to tell, I'm following intuition and just taking everything as it comes. When I'm emotionally healthy, I tend to think all of my feelings are valid. When I'm a bit of a mess, nothing's ever enough. 8. I've told my family. My parents took it well initially, but I realized later that they didn't have any idea what genderfluid meant. We talked, and they kinda sorta get it and they're trying to accept me. Me not being a girl is hardest for my mom, even though I have two sisters. My sisters are supportive. I'm the most "out" about my gender on facebook and they show their support there. I'm out to my friends, and I've asked some of them to call me by they pronouns. They're also supportive, though everyone slips up a lot (including myself). My girlfriend has been the absolute best about it. We just moved in together and she helps me through dysphoria, and talks me through anxiety, and reassures me that she understands me, even if no one else ever does. I'm lucky. :love: 9. There aren't a lot of patterns, but I've noticed I'm very frequently masculine when my uterus is 'doing its thing'. That may be hormonal. Otherwise, no reliable patterns have been witnessed. 10. I don't know. I think that for me, the thing that makes me happiest is being understood. When people recognize my identity, it's delightful. Every time my friends refer to me as "they," or "he", every time my sister calls me "blister" instead of brother or sister, I just get this burst of joy. I think if I could get most of my world to recognize me for me, that would be the best. Providing of course that everyone is and remains as kind and understanding as the people I've told so far.
I think some genderfluid people will be reluctant to state whether they are a genderfluid 'woman or man'. Are you talking about sex, or what they most identify with? If you're talking about identity I would say that I more identify with neutral most times. And yep, genderfluid. 1. I thought I might have been a binary trans for a while, as I experience times of social and physical dysphoria. But I realised that there are times that I'm also comfortable with my birth sex, and others where I feel comfortable with the thought of having either sexed body and don't associate with either very strongly The way I would naturally think of myself is also a bit different. Sometimes I instinctively refer to myself as a boy, others as a girl, others just a person. I wouldn't say that my personality changes at all, it's just a shift in what makes me dysphoric, and how I percieve myself (as male, female, neither). 2. It's hard to make a percentage. Maybe 70% neutral, the other 30% of the time it's shifting between male and female. But this is an approximation 3. I always wear things that are gender neutral so that if it does change I won't feel very uncomfortable about what I'm wearing, and also because my gender is luckily mostly very neutral too It's very hard to tell from an outside perspective if I go through a shift, because I will always be wearing the same clothes and it may be subtle things like how I style my hair that might change. I never heavily present as one gender, because it can end up feeling too uncomfortable. 4. I think because I know that if I transitioned to the opposite sex, there are times when I would still feel dysphoric in the other way - towards my birth sex. There are times during a shift that I consider transition and want it badly because it feels so strange to be in this body, but then I know if it were to happen, once a shift happens back the other way it would be the same problem. 5. No surgical measures. I am very cautious about how it looks though because it impacts how comfortable I am I am lucky to have androgynous looks to begin with (being so skinny lol). For reasons above, I wouldn't change anything permanently. 6. Already answered, and this question is worded wrong for me 7. ...I feel like this is already answered too lol 8. Yes, some people. But I am far more wary to tell people about my gender than sexuality. My closets friends I am slowly coming out to, and a couple have even figured it out. But there are also some people, like in family who I don't think would understand and that's okay because while I experience it I don't understand it exactly myself, so I don't think it would do any good to tell them. But maybe... one day. 9. Random. There are no triggers I can think of 10. Yes, definitely and what makes me the happiest is having the freedom to just be
Thank you both! I'm hoping i can get more of a sense of where my gender identity is at based on these responses. Anyone have any more input? .
Heyya, I'm a fluidly gendered male (although dfab so not in the way you were asking i think) But still I hope I can help out a bit! 1. I realized my gender was fluid because looking over my history I recognized my gender as something different at different points in my life (male as a young kid, nonbinary in highschool, agender in college). And even now, the strength (i guess is the easiest way to explain it) of my feeling of gender waxes and wanes seasonally (I feel a lot more male in summer, and a lot more agender in winter). So right now I identify as genderflux (a fluid identity moving between agender and a gender (for me, male)). 2. For me it's only really easy in retrospect. I can look back and think "Oh yeah, I felt much more ___ then than I did when ____ happened!" and things like that. In the moment I always feel just about the same, but I also have a lot of difficulty figuring out myself in the moment in other ways too because of mental illness things. So, on a day-to-day basis I kind of recognize myself as being the same, but looking back I can remember more. 3. I really love fashion, so I basically just dress however I want. Typically I just wear comfy clothing (leggings/tanktop/necklace/snapback is my usual go-to) but occassionally I'll get more masculine (cargo shorts/baseball T/ Fake gauges/ Binder) and if I go on a date or to some sort of fancy event I get hyperfemme (Little black dress/Long hair wig/ Heavy winged eyeliner/ Black lipstick/ Jewelry). My fashion styles tend to be really far on each end of the spectrum if I'm putting effort in, and when I'm not really up to spending an hour getting ready then I just dress neutrally, but my neutral fashion will always look feminine because I do. 4. For myself, I consider myself both having a fluid gender and also being trans. For me, in my life, they're the same. 5. I've taken HRT on and off for about two years as I feel comfortable doing it. I'm on the fence about any other type of medical transitioning, but hey, who knows. In 10 years anything can change. 6. Not entirely a question I can answer (sorry) but from my POV yes, I have thought about transitioning to male. It was actaully something I really desperately wanted when I was younger but as time went on that desire kind of left. Sometimes I still feel like it, but I'm pretty happy right now just living life as a hot college girl. 7. For me, it was just time. I've never identified as anything exept trans. Although the exact trans label has changed throughout my life, being trans hasn't been something I could ignore. A couple years ago I tried to go back to pretending to be cis, hoping it'd be easier and I could just live like that. But it didn't work. I still couldn't get being trans out of my head and that's how I knew. 8. I'm out to everyone. My gender isn't something I hide, but I also don't actively tell people? Everyone figures out eventually. 9. I feel most male in summer, and more gender neutral in winter. My dysphoria skyrockets whenever the weather changes and I have to change what kind of clothes I wear. 10. Yes. There are ways to be happy. Everyone's journey is different and we all end up in different places. As long as the people around me acknowledge who I am, I'll be okay.
I'm AMAB genderfluid with bigender highlights. 1. A period of self-reflection lasting approximately one to two months. There were a lot of things which poked holes in my image of myself as a cis male. One of those was an ongoing thing where saying the words “I’m a guy” never felt 100% honest. 2. Not always, but over time I’m getting better, and slides up the female end of the spectrum are always more noticeable anyway. My baseline is about 40% girl, 60% boy. 3. I always present as male. I’m too scared to present as female, but I know that day is coming because I’ve had serious urges to present as female, most recently last week. One of the problems is I don’t really know what kind of girl I am clothing-wise when I’m female. I seem to alternate between skater tomboy and girly girl with dresses and stuff. Mostly it’s the girly girl. 4. I am transgender because I’m not cis, and I’ve found that refusing to use this word feels like denial and makes my inner girl want to kick the closet door down. Assuming you mean male to female, though, I don’t know and there are several reasons why answering this question is difficult. Firstly, I’m scared of being male to female trans. Secondly, if I feel male for a long time, then I get uncomfortable because certain things in my life aren’t explained by being cis and I miss the freedom which comes with accepting I’m trans. At the same time, because I feel no conflict I start thinking there’s no good reason for me to continue identifying as trans and I feel like I’ve made the whole thing up. So feeling cis is nice in some ways but a pain in others. I don’t always feel dysphoria when I’m female, and it’s also kinda hard to distinguish feeling male because I’m male versus feeling male because I’m not feeling dysphoria. Sometimes it’s clear-cut but not always. 5. No. I don’t want to change my body permanently because I’d be switching dysphoria when I’m female for dysphoria when I’m male. I can change my presentation to more androgynous – currently I’m growing my hair out and I have a female hoodie which I wear as much as a reminder as because I like it. 6. I’d only do this if I were male to female trans. And even then…I like being a boy. It’s another reason why I’m so uncomfortable with the idea of being binary trans instead of genderfluid. 7. I struggle with this because I’m a pro at denial. No, really, it’s astonishing how resourceful my mind is at coming up with alternative innocent explanations and ways around accepting I’m trans. The thing is, when I’ve got constant thoughts in my head which won’t go away saying, “I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m a girl”, with or without dysphoria, it’s really hard for me to deny that the image of me being cis is not only flawed but broken. Those aren’t the only pieces of evidence, either – there’s clues all over the place that I have a female side if you bother to look. 8. I came out to my girlfriend first. She’d figured it out long before I had and was surprised that I didn’t know. I’m out to a few friends but not to my family because I want to be surer of myself and have a better understanding of how my fluidity worked first so I could answer their questions. Part of me still hopes I’ll realise I’m cis before that time, to save them the confusion they will inevitably face, and the difficulty for me of coming out to the people who can hurt me the most. 9. In general it’s random, but there are specific triggers: violence against women is one; anything strongly female which my inner girl identifies with is another. The longest I went without a shift was a month. Generally I won’t go more than a week without at least one shift, but I'm getting more long patches between shifts as time goes on. 10. Probably being able to accept yourself fully, to surround yourself with other people who also accept you fully, and to find ways of expressing your different sides which you like. I haven’t succeeded in all of these things, but I do know that my friends support me even when I have my doubts.
