Do you get scared or intimidated by other men as a man? I just wish to know, if I'm the only one. I'm most part very comfortable around men, but the moment I want be part of this world I feel resistance and attitude changes (I'm transgender and not fully transitioned. I look the same as my profile pic, so I think I pass). No one ever says anything, but I feel scared for some reason. There is this intimidating air around. It feels like that I'm a lamb that has wandered into the territory of wolves.
Not just you, for me it mostly depends on the man though. Granted, I don't pass and may never pass for all I know
You will pass one day. I believe in it. I mostly get more intimidated by the macho, sporty types with muscles and toxic mindsets, but mostly all kinds of types of men I can get intimidated by, especially, if they are in a group. Individual people don't intimidate me as much.
Some men definitely can be intimidating, abrasive, prideful, ambitious, indifferent, direct, decisive, or just highly assertive. Oftentimes they don't try to do it on purpose, it just comes off that way. That is just the nature of men and it's important to know the distinction between these personality traits. There have been many many times where people have been intimidated by myself without even trying to. (even though I tend to be more feminine than the average guy). When I realize this happens inadvertently, I try to readjust my behavior to make them more comfortable. But oftentimes it doesn't help and my responses are considered resistant, mean, or stand offish. Also, some of these men may have an internal dialogue like "oh crap its happening again. They're intimidated by me for just existing, I can't change that. There is no way to salvage this. I'll just shut down or try to get out of this conversation as soon as possible. There have been men who I've intimated by who were extremely prideful and abrasive to a fault. However I showed I was confident and assertive right back at them. I'm not sure if they liked me but they did respect me, and no awkward social problem occurred in our interaction. There are a dozen more examples I could state, but I'm not sure what would be relevant without more detailed examples of what you have experienced. So in summary it's probably not you. 90% of men do not try to be intimidating on purpose. There just existing or totally clueless. Men are good at picking up when others are intimidated or alarmed by them. To make men feel more comfortable and receptive towards you, you have to be direct, assertive, or relaxed. If you're startled, timid, or look doubtful, then they will be naturally resistant. Hopefully that makes sense. Some people have trouble understanding this concept when I try to explain it.
No worries I fully understand what you say. I'm thinking of how to explain my side better. I don't want to get into too much detail as it could be triggering. I get nervous talking about it all. I'm starting to think it's because of my anxiety. I'm on medication though and I'm not as anxious anymore. I do have a story, some of it I've shared here, but not everything, like my own vivid imagination and the fear it brought not to mention that family members have validated that fear. I've also felt really alienated from the world before, but that's a different kind of feeling, rather than intimidating or even feeling like I'm scared of men.
I get intimidated by men all the time. Here in the UK there is the culture of men being horrible to each other and always trying to one-up the 'competition' (they see every other man as a competition). I hate it and the advice is only ever 'intimidate them back! Show them you're not scared!' but I think that's just feeding into the culture of aggression. You can just walk down a street and have guys glare at you for no reason. But, the more obviously gay I dress, the less this happens to me. Although I also don't always feel safe around groups of men (especially when alcohol and sport are involved) because I am gay. I would love it in the future if men were all prepared to be kind to each other. People who tell you to man up, or take a martial arts class, or get huge at the gym, well maybe they mean well, but why should people have to do this to feel safe? I don't think this helps much and maybe I made it more about me, or misunderstood the question.
Don't worry. You understood the question. I don't really feel safe around men. Sometimes I'm very comfortable, other times I'm just totally terrified. I have mainly grew up at surrounded by women, so I don't know much about the other side. Mainly what I learn online.
There is a difference between macho men and masculine men. That is just how macho guys are. They are very aggressive/ have attitude, competitive, or like to banter a little too close to home. It's not inherently bad or good but it can come off as toxic sometimes. It's like a social click group, if you can't keep up or match their energy then you' ll hardly ever get along. Personally I don't click with macho guys. I just accept the fact I am built differently and I don't have anything in common with these guys and won't fit in anyway. If they try to banter with me, then I banter back in a way that shows them I am confident in my masculinity and I don't care to carry on the banter further. Or if they want to compete and test their strength to mine, I just tell them I am not competitive at all, and I like to personally challenge myself or have to much work to do that gets in the way of training. As long as you stay out of their way, they won't bother you. If they try to be toxic, then be confident and show them you don't care and couldn't care less about accepting their challenge. They'll respect you, but get bored and go away typically.
I had a panic attack thinking about it all. I managed to calm down, but something is not right here. It does disturb me.
Definitely depends on the man. I've been around men who are the more "bro-y" type, and others who are very laid-back. I've personally found I've ran into more intimidation when it comes to guys in their teens and early 20s. Typically, if they try to intimidate you I've found you just have to stand your ground or try to be more assertive. When I first started my transition and they'd pull that crap, yeah I'd feel my heart start being faster and feel a little anxious. The nice thing was, I was usually around other male co-workers who would have my back. Now, if someone tries to pull crap like that, I'll confront them. It's definitely something we as trans men have to learn (or relearn) since we weren't socialized as male as children.
How do you learn it? I do have men in my family, but I doubt they will teach me anything. I did try to learn from them when I was younger without realizing it, but I was unsuccessful and most of my time was spent watching and learning stuff from my mom and grandma. I often played tag with boys though and ran and caused mischief with them, but it's not really the same. There has definitely been a lack of socializing with males, like I don't know how I should act around them.
I feel like the experiences I've mentioned in my threads are something others may not understand fully. It's not anyone's fault. I just don't know how to express it all very well. It all has left me feeling disturbed. I've always felt I'm not being understood. It's certainly not a new feeling. It's really all on me and not on anyone. One moment I'm all happy and the next it's going downhill fast. It all changes a lot and often leaves me feeling disappointed that I can't stay in this happy mood. It all can cloud my own judgment and make me feel like I'm not taken seriously. There is fear, anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt, After I had that panic attack I felt like my mental health just dropped. It's probably my own vivid imagination, but I see in my mind the faces of the men who have intimidated me. Some of those men are my relatives. When I'm alone and there are men near me, then I get my imagination again about how it would be so easy to attack me and that imagination is what freaks me out. Then I feel like I want to run away and hide. I do feel like I should get help with this because it hasn't been addressed at all. Most of my traumas I've been able to address thanks to this forum. I've read about the fear of rape and how it can start from an early age between 2-12. This is almost the age period when I was warned by my grandma about that man who visited our home a lot because he was my uncle's coworker. They got drunk often and had tons of fights. Also, that coworker was married with a kid but was rumored to sleep around with women, like my uncle, but there were also rumors, that this coworker was a rapist. I don't want to accept this fear of rape though, because I'm not a woman. The things that are triggers for me tend to be poor lighting along streets and several men in a group. If it's one man or a public place with lots of people, then I feel safer.
Apologies for the delayed reply. Honestly for me, it's just been interacting and being around cis guys where you just kind of pick things up. The first little while when initially being around them was mostly picking up their "vibe", like anyone in a new setting. When it comes to new people/strangers you'll only see once, the biggest thing is confidence. Or if they try to intimidate you, stand your ground, keep a straight face. You don't need to say anything to them.
No worries, it's okay. The problem there is that my self confidence is low. I think I need to work on this more and i guess I can learn some stuff from online other stuff I will just deal with, when the time comes. Most part I am very comfortable around men, there are just some instances, like within family. This is the problem, when men within your family and relatives are traditional and don't understand this.
• I get a whole lot scared of males, so your not the only one! (I'm a male if anyone is wondering) • Its normal for most people to feel like Lambs that have wondered into the wrong territory. Me personally, I'm on the small scale of things, like sometimes I feel completely fine around some males and then we have the other males where I'm just so scared, and that's pretty normal (To me Ig) because the fear is your minds way of saying "Are they going to hurt me" "Can I really trust them" "Hold on who are these guys... They look scary" so just Stop and think and try to relax yourself BUT if it gets to the point were they are going to hurt you, and your feelings very scared either 1. Talk it out 2. Run away QUICKLY or 3. Find a trusted person or call a trusted person to get you out of that situation quickly (Tbh I don't know were I'm going with this) I'm very sorry you feel that way, but sometimes it may be your body over reacting, just try to relax I hoped this helped
Thank you. I understand what you are trying to say. I haven't really updated this thread and honestly felt like this should be deleted, because at the posting time I wasn't really sure, where I wanted to get at with this all. I felt like I was seeking symphaty. I talked to my therapist about it a little, before our session ended, so I'm going to tell more at our next session this month. I was incredibly nervous telling her about it and my anxiety skyrocketed. I still feel nervous about our next session, because it makes me show my emotions in front of others, what I dislike and I'm scared what she would say. I was ready to start crying, when I told her. My thoughts to tend to get very irrational and I'm someone with a very vivid imagination. I had a lot of nightmares as a child too and some where exactly about rape. I disscussed about having nightmares since a child on other platform, where I told I had trouble, with sleeping and having sleep disorders. I told that I've had vivid dreams since childhood and dealt with having a lot of nightmares. There was a time I was scared to sleep, because I thought I would see the nightmares again and there were even dreams that reoccured several nights straight. I'm thinking that it all might be related. The other issue intimidation is present on a certain occasions. It's not present all the time and this I do think comes down to not being socialised with men as a child.
This is definitely a thing. I remember the first time I walked onto the building site my boyfriend was working at cause he'd forgotten his lunch. Everyone's eyes on me, I felt completely out of my comfort zone.
