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question to gays/lesbians in ex-hetero-relationships

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dudette, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. dudette

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    Why did you do it? I mean what is the point of actually marrying a person who you are not attracted to?
    I often hear that people like this are brave and etc. But at the end you are hurting the person of basically lying for so many years (there is no pride or even bravely in this).
    Additionally, how are you able to actually do it? For example I was not able to actually be in a sexual or even romantic relationship with a person who I am not attracted to, and I tried for 3 months non-stop, and It was one of the biggest mental pain I ever went through. Then how are you able to date this person for more than 3 months and later get married.
     
  2. Butterflies85

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    Who says you can’t be attracted to someone of the opposite sex and still be gay/lesbian? Who says you can’t suppress that side of yourself for so long until you actually believe you are heterosexual. The mind is a very complex thing. It’s not as black and white as you are making it out to be. There is a lot of people here who just didn’t understand themselves at a younger age, maybe they are a little fluid in their sexuality, maybe they have dealt with years of internalised homophobia. It’s no ones place to judge.

    It is brave realising who you are and then being true to yourself. There is no lying involved, as you suggest, as the gay person has convinced themselves they are genuinely straight. Society hasn’t helped the situation until much more recently when it is becoming more acceptable.

    Yes it is devistating for the person left behind but if that person was to spend a little time reading about the subject of people coming out later in life they would understand that most of the time that person hasn’t tricked them or faked it, but genuinely was unaware of their own sexuality until it hit them in the face and became so strong is was no longer able to be ignored or suppressed.
     
    Arianna240985, Cashew and spartafc like this.
  3. Sundara

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    Dear mpw94,
    This is from eastern view.
    If I were living in western country I would like not to married and free as I am. But because I am living in in eastern country I should follow the culture, rule and religion. Even we have free will every person but the pressure environment is very strong to deny.
    I myself regret married but on the other hand have children is a blessing from the God. The drug is the pressure from environment (culture, religion ) so I did it, I realize that this is my mistake but I don't have any clue because this is the norm of culture.
    Thank you.
     
  4. dudette

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    This reminds me of Augustine of Hippo "love exists only between man and man, and marriage has nothing to do with love, but children who are God's blessing since you love them unconditionally"