question for the girls who like girls!

When I was 4 there's this boy whom I really envy. I first thought it's a crush, turns out I mostly just envied him because of his given name, haircut, toys, and clothing. Then there's this older girl who was my cousin's friend. She didn't really play with us for she's more like a babysitter. I just remember myself wanting her to be around always. I didn't envy her clothing and obsession with paper dolls and stationeries (I used to envy her roller blades though) but I remember myself just wanting to talk to her. Maybe it's because she's kind to us kids but then again even whenever I was forced to take a nap, I still had thoughts of her. So yea... I don't think of it as a sign but more like a pattern and that one would be the earliest for me. Whenever I look at guys, I mostly just envy them; the way they could pull off some clothing or hairstyle effortlessly because of their figure. When I look at some girls, there are times when all I wanted to do was kiss them :lol:

 

Oh god, I actually have an embarrassing amount.
- When I was in preschool I'd constantly refer to one of my friends as "Princess" because she wore a bow in her hair.
- I had a really cringeworthy moment in second grade when I "really wanted to be friends" with this new girl, so I told another friend to tell her that I "loved" her. The friend was like can't you just tell her yourself? So I did... Thankfully at the time we had no concept of LGBT stuff, so the new girl and I were actually pretty good friends until 5th grade.
- Same thing in third grade, when I lived in China for a year. Got attracted to a girl, drew her a card that confessed my love to her and put it in her locker. She proceeded to read it out loud to me, to which I slammed my hands over my ears and finally realized how fricking weird I was. :icon_redf
- At the end of fifth grade, I suddenly "wanted to be friends" with a girl I'd known since Kindergarten. I told another friend to ask her if I could be friends. This girl was totally confused but really nice and said yes, and then nothing happened. (i was such an idiot )
- In sixth grade I started watching anime, and somehow found girlxgirl (yuri) anime in sixth grade and really enjoyed it for some reason.
- In spring break of seventh grade I finally realized I was attracted to girls. I started crushing hard on a girl a year younger than me who lives in Florida. She was my younger cousin's friend, and we only knew each other for about a week when we went to Universal Studios and Disney World in her state. I was incredibly physically drawn to her though, to the point that I absolutely NEEDED her by the end of our visit. Our families almost had a sleepover at their house, but cancelled it at the last minute because someone caught a cold. I still can't imagine what I would've done if we actually slept over..... When we got home from our trip to Florida I dreamed about her for weeks on end and still felt a physical need for her. :dry:
- After I got back from break I realized how many attractive girls were everywhere. My young brain was overwhelmed lol. I think puberty finally kicked in at that point and I figured out I was lesbian from there. xD

 

I feel like I was always really in denial about my liking girls. I tried to get boyfriends because I thought that's what I'm supposed to do. I always found myself looking at women and their bodies. It was always a case of "Do I want to be her or do I want to have sex with her?" I was always worried about staring at any girl too long, and when my girl friends would touch me or lay their head on me, I would get all nervous. I've also had best friends who were girls and I feel like I kind of liked them a little too much.

 

I used to make my Barbie's and dolls kiss but I can't be the only one who did that lol.
I was a tomboy who also liked girly things, my mother used to say I should have been born a boy cause of all the sports and trouble I got into.
I had a mixed bunch of friends, always had boys and girls around me but the one of the boys used to play dolls with me and liked me to put makeup in him.

I didn't have any clues as a kid as I think I always knew I like boys and girls. Obviously innocently and as friends as a kid but by my teens it turned sexual.

 

So I was like 8, at this friends party, and one of her family friends was there, helping out. This girl was like 13 and super pretty, and I guess that was just one of the moments that led to me "liking girls "
Like 3 years ago I had a kind of crush but not really, on Jennifer Morrison. I still think she is really pretty .
And now I have a massive unhealthy crush on a teacher. Its bad because I know it can't go anywhere *sigh*