Here’s one for you to think about. I am in my mid-70’s and am very connected to the truth around what and who I am. Been on ET for a little over a month. Came out to my wife about 2.5 weeks ago. ET has been a saving grace for me. So - I find myself unconsciously, until today, wanting to connect to lesbian women on the site. Why is that? My first thoughts are lesbian women are safe for me. No confusion, no doubting, no misunderstanding. It’s like we can be buds and support each other with nothing else being there. In real life I connect to most women and men I’m around and feel very comfortable being there and don’t give sexual preference much of a thought unless it comes up in conversation, which it rarely does. But these are women and men I wouldn’t hit on under any circumstances. They know my wife. Bottom line, I’m not trolling so that’s not on the table. Thoughts?
Is this why you've been avoiding me? Because I'm not a lesbian? Just kidding, I know you haven't been avoiding me, which is a concern for you now isn't it? You know, because, well... Okay I'll be serious now, sorry. You might be connecting with lesbian women out of a desire to connect with other women in general because maybe it puts you in closer touch with your gender? Your feminineness? But then also what you said about your first thought. It's safer ground and maybe you feel self conscious about coming off weird to women who might see you as having ulterior motives, where lesbians might not even consider that, so they are behaving in a more open, secure, and accepting way towards you. You might be trying to share a camaraderie without pretense or hidden concern over intentions. You want to be trusted, so you might feel that lesbians will inherently trust you more. These are guesses. I cannot know your mind.
I think Wanderlost is spot on here, 74. In the weeks after I had my gender revelation three years ago, I went through a phase of only being able to talk to women. Looking back on it, I think I felt 'safe' around other females. At that point I was feeling very vulnerable and was still fighting my way out of a breakdown. I wasn't ready to come out to guys and face the responses I feared I'd face - instead, lingering in the warmth of my girlfriends' feminine presence felt more restorative for my then-fragile psyche. So yes, I can totally understand what you're saying. Beth x
Some insight would be sprouting from your relationship with your wife, my opinion. For you coming out, and exposing that part of you to your wife made you vulnerable. I don't think it is necessarily a lesbian thing ( sorry guys ;-) ) but rather a trust thing, and the switch from one side of the closet door to the other side. Scared of emotionally showing yourself to a guy so soon after coming out? Maybe its easier for you to relate without complications? If you understand where I am coming from ... and I do find, on a certain level being bi does allow you to relate with the other side quite nicely.
You are so awesome! Belly laughing at your responses. Also very insightful for a non-lesbian woman …I just really appreciate you for your honesty.
Thanks Beth. Very helpful to know others have been in a similar situation. Safe makes real sense. Very helpful.
Whew! I totally agree coming out to my wife has created a level of vulnerability that’s uncomfortable and with that some level of insecurity. Also has empowered me at the same time to step out a little more. There’s a support group here and I went to my first meeting last night. It was so exciting to be with others in the same boat and have the connection that brings. Told my wife it would be really nice if she went to some meetings with me. That sort of blew her away. Didn’t say much, but I’ve decided I will continue to ask her to go. Interestingly enough there were mostly lesbian women there…. Right now as I write this, I am so excited about the where I’m at in this process.
There's honestly nothing I can add that others haven't already said: I think they're right, that you feel more comfortable/safer around other women because this is such a vulnerable time for you in your coming out journey. Has it largely been a positive experience for you thus far? I hope it has, and that it continues to be. We all need a sense of belonging, even those of us who enjoy our solitude; we're a gregarious species, so being accepted makes a world of difference.
I think everyone has completely hit the nail on the head here and there isn’t anything more for me to add! But please do keep in contact, I think you are a very interesting person to speak to and I wish you all the best in your journey- I would love to continue hearing about it if you wanted to share.
