Is this possible? One may be in a conservative family that the opportunity to come out never happens because the family members have made such vile comments about others. I would not like those comments directed at me. Happily, I have moved near an urban area with societal friends. Any thoughts by others why it is not easy to come out in a conservative family would be appreciated.
It is not so much that we are denied the opportunity to come out or be out. As I see it because of being in such families we are forced to make the choice between being out or having blood relatives at least pretend to care about us. We are raised in a society that shames us for being who we are and on top of that tells us that our relationship to the people we are related to by blood is the most important one that exists even if they are truly evil to us and people like us. It took me decades but I have finally cut all ties with anyone who is a blood relative. I have people in my life who actually care about me rather than some image of what they want me to be.
You have “internalised their homophobia”… As children we have a fear of displeasing our parents. It’s a pattern that follows you through life. Now you are living away from home you may be able to get this in perspective moving forward.
Because after years of listening to your own family, people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, spew vitriol and homophobia, you don’t want to have those same comments turned on you. It’s hard to do something that you know is probably going to be a terrible experience, will almost definitely change the way that your family looks at you, and might result in you never speaking to them again. It's especially true if you live in a family that's ever expressed violence, because then it comes down to keeping yourself safe. But I also wouldn’t call it being “denied” the opportunity to come out. The opportunity is still there, even if you know that it’s the right choice not to take it.
zuice.....I have to agree with what the others have posted. When you live in a family that makes in very clear that they hate the LGBTQIA+ Community, it's difficult to bounce up to mom and/or dad and say "Guess what, I'm gay!" The thing is that you know in advance what the reaction is going to be. Again, as others have said, it's not that you are denied the opportunity to come out, it's that you know beforehand what the reaction will be and how intense that reaction will be. This becomes one of the situations where you really do need to wait until you have moved away from home and are financially independent. Then you can chose the way you live your life whether your family approves or not. At first I thought that having to give up your family in order to live your life as you desire would be really difficult. However, on further thought I realized that having to live in that kind of a situation for years...from the time you realized your sexual orientation until you could move out, made me realize that getting out from under that pressure of non-acceptance would be a wonderful relief. Unfortunately, people can be very stubborn and refuse to even consider that a long-held belief might be wrong. So sometimes we have to make the decision to get away from the cloud of rejection that covers everything around themselves. We just have to leave. .....David
