So let me give you a little background before I start. I have an older sister who is ridiculously smart (she now works for NASA), really nice, and very asexual/aromantic. My dad is a teacher, but he comes from a family full of drug addicts, alcoholics, liars, conmen, and creative people. My mum is also a teacher, but comes from a sexist, homophobic, racist family where her mother is repressed by her step-dad. Her step-dad never accepted my mum as being his daughter and sexually harassed her. I am adopted and smart, like borderline genius with a photographic memory, but never use my intelligence. My dad's mother, Nana, lived with my family for 15 years before she passed away. She pretty much raised me and I was much closer with her than I was with my mum. She died of a stroke. When it first happened, I stopped her from killing herself. Over the next 2 years, I watched her die and eventually look like a skeleton. On top of that, I saw her dead body (she stayed in the room next to mine and died in there). To many, that's not a problem, but see: photographic memory, raised me. On top of this, my mother's creepy step dad has started acting creepy toward me and I don't know how I'm supposed to bring that up to my mum. I don't want to ruin her relationship with her parents, especially because I move out in a year, but I don't like him and I don't want to be near him. My parents expect me to be like my sister. They compare grades and achievements, and so do my teachers. They compare our decisions and sexualities. They compare our mental stability. It has gotten to the point that I hate not being my sister and I try to be more like her, but I can't because I'm not her. I tried sex at one point. I didn't like it, at least not with the people I was with. I told one guy to stop and he decided to pin me down and shove my hand down his pants instead. He then asked me if I would suck his dick. Obviously I refused. But it's difficult explaining to people that I need some form of emotional connection to go further than kissing and that it will take a while. There are many times I curse myself for not enjoying intimate touches from others and that I'm not straight. About 4 or 5 years ago, I had been suicidal and diagnosed with depression, OCD, personality disorders, anxiety, and a bunch of other shit. I attempted suicide once and self harmed on and off for about 4 years. That is now more or less of a topic that no one in my family talks about. Now, I get violent mood swings, like I'll be fine sometimes, but there will be weeks where I get severely depressed, sick, sleep 12+ hours per day, and lose all motivation. Other times I'll get super hyper, sleep less than four hours per day, and I get super reckless and plan to do shit that on a normal occasion, I wouldn't acknowledge would never happen. I'm pretty sure I need to get evaluated again, but my mum refuses to acknowledge that it's not "normal teenager stuff." Now when I can get my hands ahold of it, I drown my problems in alcohol and occasionally smoke. I like the feeling of smoking a cigarette, even though I have asthma. I just don't give a shit about much anymore. Once again, I acknowledge that I need help, but I can't get it through my parents. I see a therapist, but I started going to her because the last one acknowledged many red flags and told my mum that I needed to be evaluated. My mum refuses to accept that there is something wrong with me, even though my current therapist said she's pretty sure I have depression or something. I don't know where to go from here. I can't get help on my own because I am under 18 years old. I don't have my license so it's not like I can drive myself somewhere either. Do you have any advice?
If you're currently seeing a therapist, that's the best first step to take. Be honest and open with them - don't worry about what they will or will not report - and they'll be able to give the best help they can. As far as other options, do you have anyone at school you could confide in? A guidance counselor, a teacher, a staff member? If so, try reaching out to them, and if not, start looking for people to talk to. It sounds like you certainly need more help than you're getting at home, so you will have to start setting up a support network to help you.
The problem is that no one in my school would do anything about it. We technically have programs for things like this, but the staff doesn't pay attention to the rules. My therapist doesn't do much in general. Most of her advice has gotten me no where. I also don't trust her as much as I should and never really feel comfortable telling her much. I do have a few friends that I could talk to, but they aren't much help. I had to grow up much faster than them so they have no idea what to do. At this point, I am more or less stuck.
Well, if you haven't really told your therapist much, I would recommend that as a starting point. In all seriousness, if you don't talk to them, they can't help.
