Pregnant, alone, and transitioning? What do I do?

You could carry it to term and put it up for adoption, although the hormonal changes of pregnancy would probably be psychological murder for a transman like you.

I would ask your doctor if having the baby would throw a wrench in your transition. If not, put the baby up for adoption and it'll have a wonderful home and life.

Also, congrats on being cancer-free.

 

Um, if you are 5 months along, I don't think the morning after pill will work. Did you mean months or weeks?

Have you already been taking hormones? If you aren't going to abort, you might want to make sure everything is okay. I don't think the hormones are good for fetuses.

If the baby is healthy, you could carry to term and give it up for adoption.

How is the pregnancy impacting your gender dysphoria? Would you be able to go through a pregnancy, psychologically?

 

You are not a monster...(*hug*)

I'm quite honestly shocked that a five-month fetus was mistaken for ovarian cancer...

The morning after pill is just for preventing pregnancy, as far as I know, but you should definitely ask your physician about what effects, if any, it'll have on the fetus at five months' gestation. I am not familiar with the transitioning process, but like Zontar and Ianthe said, hormones will be a major issue, as any hormones you take will affect the fetus, and they do play a critical role during pregnancy.

 

If you are sure you could not get through the pregnancy without killing yourself, then you should definitely abort, because if you kill yourself the baby will die anyway. For this very reason, even most people who oppose abortion believe it's acceptable to save the life of the mother.

You didn't answer about the hormones...

You can't make the situation different than what it is; just make the best available choice.

 

Sounds like there's only one option left, then.

I'm not too crazy about abortion myself, but being trans certainly complicates this matter. I certainly don't believe being pregnant is the best thing for someone who's going to be going out of their way to stop the effects of estrogen/progesterone on their body. Pregnancy causes these hormones to surge. Stop and think for a second. You're a man. Most men can't imagine being something so feminine as pregnant...this is assuredly not going to be easy on your body or your mind.

Terminating a pregnancy can be very emotionally demanding, so I would suggest seeing a therapist, perhaps with pharmacological adjunct to deal with the depression.

 

I hope I'm not being a downer because I'm really really sorry that this happened but can they still do an abortion after being 5 months pregnant? That's pretty far along.

 

At the best of times people aren't ready to be parents. So you're in good company really.

You are where you are, and I don't think at this point you can consider abortion. It seems to me that it's too late for that, unless it was determined that the fetus has severe deformities. The worst of the pregnancy is over. Well, except for the delivery part I suppose.

So at this point you need to figure out how to make the best of this. Another 4 months and it will pretty much be over. You could arrange to give the baby up for adoption, and know that it would go to a wonderful home. Alternatively, you could figure out how to keep it for your own. Either route will be difficult in its own way.

Your doctors should be able to refer you to counsellors and agencies who can help.

 

Oh, wow.

First of all... congrats on not having cancer. But what a surprise. The morning after pill isn't going to work if it's been five months, though. You're going to have to decide what to do, and fast.

Can I offer my opinion on the abortion issue...?

Personally, I think abortion is these situations is the kindest solution. I know, I know, I hate it too and I think it sucks, but it's there for a reason. It prevents you having to carry to term a child, which could not only make you dysphoric as hell... it could make you a target for hate crimes if people read you as male and see you pregnant. You could fall into post-partum depression. It'll eff with your body and your hormones. You'll still have to spend money out on making sure you're BOTH healthy. (Being pregnant isn't cheap either; expenses start piling up before the baby arrives!) And what if you get attached? :/ Adopting kids out sounds fine, but I urge you to take a cold, sensible look at the adoption "arena" at the moment. Look at the facts. Look at how many adults who are in jail were foster kids, how many kids from adoptive situations get into crimes like drug dealing and prostitution, how many foster homes turn out to be abusive...

It's sad, but the adoption system is broken, much like how the current system with adopting out animals is broken. There are so many unwanted children, and so few people who can actually care for them. Adding another one to that? Is it worth it?

IMO, no. It's not. Abortion sucks, but what sucks worse is to put a child out into the world without knowing who they are going to, how they will be raised, if they'll be okay, etc.

... But it might be too late for that. Right? And you say you DO get attached to things?

So the only realistic option, probably, is to suck it up and carry it to term, and then keep the child. Yes, it will be hell. Yes, it will be difficult to support yourself and a child. But I think you can do it, and there are so many programs out there to help people like yourself.

I think talking to the doctor and therapist would be best at this point.

 

Huh?

Foster homes I'll buy. But there are hundred of affluent couples (straight and gay!) who would LOVE to addopt a baby and who would provide it with an incredible home life. People go to extreme lengths to addopt babies, and there is such short supply in North America now that people addopt from China and eastern Europe instead. I'm quite certain there is not a generation of addopted children sitting in prison. I don't think this should be a reason to not give up the baby for addoption.

 

At five months, presumably with a healthy fetus, abortion isn't an option for you. I don't understand at all why the doctor would give you a morning after pill. A few too many mornings will have passed for it to work.

Do you have anyone you can talk to through this, maybe your sister can offer you the support you need? You've got a few months to try and sort things out and think what you're going to do. Go on trips to the doctor and see what they've got to say, I dare say perhaps not the doctor who gave you the morning after pill (unless there's a valid medical reason for it).
You can look seriously into adoption and weigh up your options. Don't let horror stories scare you from a very valid option, often the most beneficial thing available.

You've had a shock, so take a breath and try to think about your next steps, because you're not alone. You have your family and you have the health services, and they're there for a reason!

 

look at adoption. you can find willing people all over the place. we are looking into adopting atm...

 

Yes, there are some affluent couples who would loves to adopt... but there are SO many children throughout the world who need to be adopted, there just aren't enough decent parents to go around. Especially for OLDER children and children with disabilities, who get adopted far less than babies and other children.

As for the prison thing...

Children Aging out of the Foster Care System Face Difficult Odds - Blogcritics Culture

70% of the prison population are former foster care kids - Webmaster Forum

A Critical Look at Foster Care: Foster Care Outcomes

Footsteps to the Future - SWFL - June 2011 - Naples, FL

It's sad. It's tragic. Yes, adopting a child out is sometimes the only option and people should do it if they think it's the best option. But they serious need to think about it, and learn all they can about the system before they put a child into it.

It's not just a few horror stories. There are real, valid, legitimate reasons to be concerned about the adoption and foster care system. But I do agree that if it is the best option, so be it.

I wish the OP much luck in figuring all this out. Try and take a moment to breathe.

 

I don't disagree with you, but we're not talking about foster care. Foster care is generally for children who have to be removed from their family home due to abuse or abandonment. They are older or have disabilities as you suggest.

We're talking about adoption, where couples need to literally jump through hoops to adopt an infant. People are on waiting lists for YEARS to adopt infants. There is no shortage of people willing to provide a loving home to a new born baby.

OP - get in touch with local social services and talk to someone about the adoption process in your province. You need to educate yourself about what options you might have at this point.

 

I looked into the availability of abortion services in Canada, and according to the National Abortion Federation, the max gestation for which you can get an abortion in the entire country is 24 weeks, and that's just for the province of Ontario; they vary by province and also by the places that offer these services. If you haven't ruled out abortion, you can call providers near you to see what they offer. Perhaps there's a Planned Parenthood or some similar organization in Canada that you can visit or call for information on your options regarding abortion and adoption.

Of course there are risks that adoptive families may turn out to be abusive, but nothing is without risk, and far more likely than not you'll find that the people who wish to adopt are loving, caring people. You should ask for information (from social services, like Jim said above) on how these potential adoptive parents are screened and evaluated before they are chosen so you can get some peace of mind.

I agree with Ben on your doctor. It doesn't speak well for this doctor that s/he thought that your pregnancy might have been cancer and even gave you morning-after pills even though they don't work after a certain period. Common sense says that every doctor ought to be able to tell the difference between pregnancy and cancer...You should definitely seek a different opinion, if possible.

 

Wait... you're telling us that the doctor who diagnosed you with cancer and wanted you to have your uterus removed as soon as possible is the same who finally came to the conclusion the said cancer is in fact a 5 months old fetus and gave you the morning after pill for this ?
That's not a doctor, that's a complete lunatic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that the first reasonable thing to do (before panicking about getting an abortion or thinking about how wise it would be to give the baby for adoption) is to find a real doctor. Someone whom you could tell all the story (including your worries about transition, low-income job, cancer and morning-after pill) and who will get you and the fetus checked and will give you proper medical and psychological advice on how to cope with all this.
Take care, Cécile