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Please Help- Bisexual/lesbian relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lizzy585, Aug 12, 2013.

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  1. Lizzy585

    Lizzy585
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I am head over heels in love with my girlfriend of almost a year. She makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with, and I feel like I can be myself with her, something I haven't felt in 15 years. We are both just shy of 30 and are looking forward to a future, one which we have the same hopes and dreams and plans. Our relationship is happy and healthy.

    The problem is my my bisexuality/feeling like Im SUPPOSED to be with a man.I've been in relationships with both men and women and have found I'm stuck on a fence. I can only orgasm with women, and men lack the communication and empathy I crave and feel is necessary for me to be happy. But sometimes I miss the emotional constipation (most) men have, and I miss that feeling of being protected and having a stereotypical "big strong man to fix things." Also having natural children adds to this miss list. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when she gets emotional, and scared because ONE of us HAS to be the strong protector (according to my head). Sometimes I wish I could say something without being asked "well what do you mean by that?" (Ugh, WOMEN!!!)

    I accept that a lot of these feelings come from my Catholic upbringing and my own inner homophobia. I'm struggling to ditch my daydreams of Disney princess and prince living happily ever after. I'm divorced (from a man) and know how much happier I am in female relationships but I can't seem to shake this "Disney Complex" and it's starting to wear on my relationship. (Even though I logically know Prince Charming doesn't exist and no relationship is perfect). I've tried talking to her about it, but she gets upset and scared ill leave and i hate seeing her cry, leaving me to just carry on in silence.

    Advice on how to accept this happiness and stop thinking the grass is greener/ I'm supposed to end up with Prince Charming?

    And please don't rant on bisexuals, or me, or "this is why gays shouldn't date bisexuals". This is a hard issue for me and it took a lot of courage to ask for help.
     
    #1 Lizzy585, Aug 12, 2013
  2. pinklov3ly

    pinklov3ly
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    My friend (she's bisexual) and I were actually having this discussion last night. And she feels the same way that you feel and so did I, a couple of years ago. So, before I dive in and give you advice, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I was 17/18 when I first came out as bisexual; I dated a guy and we had kids, but we're no longer together. It seemed like after having children my feelings for women were uncontrollable and I, identify as a lesbian now.

    So, enough about me...I get that it is easier being with a man to fulfill your dreams of having kids. I'm guilty of it, so I do not blame you for feeling this way. However, I'm older now, and I feel totally different about the situation. I do not regret the choices I have made, even though I feel like I robbed my ex of the life that he's always wanted. But some things change and I've adapted to those changes reluctantly in the beginning, but now I'm doing okay. I mean, I used to miss the things that you described about being with a man, but it's nothing compared to being with a woman.

    Okay, seriously enough about me. I think if you're happy in your relationship with your girlfriend then that should be all that matters. You can have a baby, not the traditional way, but it is possible. It is a bit expensive (I've done my research), but it will be totally worth it. Society wants us to believe that if we have kids that a man should be involved, but that isn't the case for many people. And believe me the grass isn't always greener on the other side. So, I think if you want to have a baby with your girlfriend then you need to 100% sure. I'm not sure what state you're in, but given that we're still fighting for equal rights, especially where I'm from, you have to proceed with caution.

    Since I have kids already, I do not believe that I will have anymore in the future. However, if the girl I'm seeing and I decide to have a baby, she will be the carrier. And it makes me upset that I will not have any parental rights. I'm sure in time things will change, but who knows how long that will take. But don't let that stop you from fulfilling your dreams of being a mother.
     
    #2 pinklov3ly, Aug 12, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2013
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