My ex was my first boyfriend and my only one ever. I loved him so much but every time I talked about my feelings, he broke up with me. No joke I just talked about how we can't be together forever and I was worried that we would be separated and he broke up with me. Well I'm like a month or two after the break up and we were friends still for a while but now he absolutely hates me. He didn't realize that he was my first boyfriend and that i was scared and didn't know how to feel normal and show affection. He hates me now and won't ever talk to me again. I can't help but to feel that it's my fault that we broke up, I keep sobbing and breathing heavily and just freaking out a lot in secret. I really miss him but he hates me. I'm in highschool and I know I'm young but I feel like he was my only chance at having a relationship. I have panic attacks about how no one will ever love me again. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I caused the relationship to end that I never loved him enough that I caused him to hate me that I am going to be lonely forever, he has been the only person who has ever loved me and he said that I was the only person after dating a few people that he actually truly loved and now he hates me. I really want I hold onto the fact that someone loved me and I really wish he user stood and he's already telling other guys that he likes them, I wish i was older sometimes so I could meet more people, my parents make me cry a lot , them and my ex are the only people to ever make me suicidal, the only other time I've been suicidal was when I came out. I feel that If I'm dead sometimes maybe they will see what they did and see how I suffered
It's always very hard when our first love goes sour because it opens up wounds like we've never experienced before and we begin to wonder if we'll ever get over it, move on and love again, but I can tell you for sure that we do. It may take time and the process of healing and recovering isn't always smooth and straightforward, but it does happen. I have to tell you that the guy you fell in love with wasn't good for you. If he couldn't tolerate you sharing your feelings with him it only demonstrates that he was emotionally detached and too immature for a meaningful relationship. Even though you feel a great sense of loss, you really haven't lost anything. If you told us that he was nice and kind, affectionate, generous and understanding then I might agree that you have lost someone special, but your description of him doesn't marry up to any of those qualities. In all honesty he sounds like a bit of a twat. You are still young and there are many, many years ahead of you to find true love. I understand that you are hurting right now, but this is not the end of the world, I promise you. If it were not true, I wouldn't tell you this. Be true to yourself and understand that you are a decent, valuable person who has a lot to offer to the right guy. This guy wasn't the right guy for you.
