1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Out to my children

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Peterpangirl, Mar 11, 2018.

  1. Peterpangirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    UK
    Yesterday I told my children that I have been struggling with something the past couple of years. I told them that their mother is attracted to other women. I explained to them that the friend that I have become close to over a period of months is their Mum's girlfriend. I then had to clarify that it is different from friend, as my daughter was confused. I explained that I have many good friends who are only that and just one girlfriend. I feel I owe it to them to be honest about my relationship, given that is not some kind of casual fling. I explained that most people in our society don't have a problem with gay relationships but that some people do - a bit like some people are racist. I said that this didn't mean I would ever leave them as I am a Mum first and so is my girlfriend, but it might mean they would meet her for a joint family day trip sometime this Spring. I said they could ask me questions later if they felt worried or anxious about anything.

    I do feel terribly vulnerable now but at least I can look my children directly in the eye and say "This is me."
     
    #1 Peterpangirl, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
  2. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,216
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    BC
    Hey @Peterpangirl that’s excellent! Congrats!
    It sounds like you handled it very well. I’m sure your kids will be just fine. :slight_smile:
     
  3. zumbaqueen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2017
    Messages:
    299
    Likes Received:
    346
    Location:
    New York
    @Peterpangirl I’m sure that was a very difficult conversation for you to have. However, I think it’s wonderful that you had the courage to have it! Congratulations!
     
  4. LostInDaydreams

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    1,548
    Likes Received:
    514
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Congratulations @Peterpangirl. Sounds like you did a great job! Well done! :slight_smile:
     
  5. quebec

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    530
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Peterpangirl.....I understand how tough it is to tell your children. Mine are much older than yours, but it doesn't make it easier. So far I have told only my oldest son. I went through some very serious surgeries in the last few years. The last surgery had about a 30% chance of not making it and about 45% chance of paralysis. So I had to go over a lot of insurance and other info with him in case he had to help his mother with it. I decided that I did not want him to ever find out from his mother or someone else that his father was gay, so I chose to tell him the night before the surgery. My son is a Conservative Christian Pastor. To say that it was difficult is way beyond an understatement. But I did manage to tell him. He told me that it was difficult to accept but because I had never cheated on his mother he could accept what I told him. I have always been proud of him but at that moment I was more than proud, I think that was the first time that I really saw clearly the man he has become. I know that your kids will make you proud too. So many kids growing up today have not been poisoned with the homophobia that was so present in former years. Every one of my younger friends that I have come out to have been more than accepting...they have been OK, I'm happy for you, given me a hug and then asked what I did last week!!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    spartafc likes this.
  6. Peterpangirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    UK
    Thank you David. I worry about my children being exposed to homophobia as well as obviously the separation which will really impact them of course when their Dad does move out. We are trying to be good co-parents. So many feelings - relief, fear (of my children being damaged), guilt for the selfishness involved in not only acknowledging but now acting on my sexuality (and the romantic and emotional part is easier for me to own than the sexual part)- and not being able to squash my feelings, anger that there were other problems in my marriage, but that my gayness is the obvious one - therefore some others blame me 100% for the marital breakdown...but it felt necessary to my sense of integrity to own this and own my actions. Thank you for sharing your own story, David. So difficult to talk about our gayness with family members. I am under the impression that my own parents think that this is just the frivolous, immature phase of a weak, failure of a woman and that my girlfriend is a sinister predator, who is manipulating me. And that I should have just "womaned up" and got on with it...
     
  7. Peterpangirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    UK
    Thank you to everyone on EC who has been trying to support me on what tends to be a lonely journey. I appreciate you all.
     
  8. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,702
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    WOW, very proud of you. I know how much you've been stressing about this and young kids are very adaptable. sounds like they took it really well and now you all can grow together. I had a similar conversation with my son a few years ago but he was older, and kind of knew I wasn't totally straight after he saw my open computer one night. oops. but like you it all works out for the best. for your kids to know that "this is me" is so wonderful. my son is my biggest cheerleader and once told me if I didn't transition and be happy he was going to kick my butt. he was joking but the point was made and now he has 2 moms even if we are divorced.
     
    Peterpangirl likes this.
  9. beenthrdonetht

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    930
    Likes Received:
    302
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I sure hope not, peterpangirl, but the way you describe it is so vivid, and it echoes what plenty of other people have suspected about plenty of other other peoples' opinions. It is disappointing when people conjure up Hollywood-esque stories to explain perfectly common normal natural experiences... like love.
     
  10. TrailDog

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Brunswick, Maine USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I got lucky, in that I was able to come out to my son because he had come out to me first. It was a little hard to get through to him, he was talking over me, thought I was saying I was arrow straight, and I was like, No, no, no no, listen! But he was totally cool with it, and I think he felt better about the whole relationship.
     
    looking for me likes this.
  11. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    8,446
    Likes Received:
    2,276
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Peterpangirl congratulations, I know that just have been a really tough conversation but I think long term it will bring good things and in life your children will only benefit from you being honest with them. I'm so pleased for you.
     
  12. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,702
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    my son was questioning for a bit, like a year after I came out, but then decided he was straight. then he was questioning attraction, after a long discussion on how he feels attraction and doing a little research he's Demi-Sexual. we're both cool with that. of course im cool what however he is.
     
    TrailDog likes this.