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Out but "recloseted"

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kevin k, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Kevin k

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    In 7th grade I came out to close family and a trusted friend, but have recently have started to "recede" back into the closet. I don't even know why, I guess I just don't want everyone knowing, especially since I have a boyfriend now. Does anyone else have this issue? What's the deal?
     
  2. Dionysios

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    If you are out to your family and a close friend, I'm not sure how you can "recede" back into the closet at this time. I am much older than you, but the times today are quite different today. You have a boyfriend. Wonderful! You shouldn't feel embarrassed or feel the need to go backwards. Many people your age are quite accepting of gay, bi and trans people. If they are not, that's too bad. It is their loss. You don't have to shout from the rooftops about your orientation, but can still live an open life. You will be happier in the longrun not having to hide in the closet my young friend. Good luck to you!
     
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  3. Mlpguy88

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    You don't need to hide but you also don't need to tell everyone. This is something that is completely up to you and it can be a person by person basis if that is what you are comfortable with.

    If you need a break from telling people then hit the pause button for now. You have a lot of time
     
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  4. HM03

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    I'm the opposite - my bf made it much harder to in the closet (aka being in a closeted relationship), so I'm a lot more out than before meeting him.

    What do you mean by "receding into the closet" though? Like you feel less comfortable talking about gay stuff to people that you once came out to? Or haven't come out to new people in a long time?

    In a way I feel like I kinda have receded a bit too. I used to be out to my immediate fam AND school and school friends. But Im done school and those friends moved back home, and I haven't really come out at jobs since then. So significant less number of people in my day-to-day life know, so it kinda sucks.
     
  5. Kevin k

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    Receded, just basically meaning that I have denied being gay to people who ask, rather than saying yes with pride like I did when I first came out.
     
  6. Ram90

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    When I was 16 and realized what being gay meant, I was super confused, hurt, scared and a whole lot of emotions. So, like any normal teenager who faces a problem and needs help, I turned to my parents. They didn't understand either and stuck me with a psychiatrist. I figured out very quickly that people around me didn't understand the concept of "LGBT" and I didn't either, so it wasn't a time for me to go around hunting for understanding people or scenarios. That's when I went back into the closet. I didn't come out to a physical person until I was 27 (I found EC when I was 25)

    What I'm trying to say is that it's perfectly all right if you don't feel comfortable enough to come out of the closet, or if you want to go back inside, there is nothing wrong in that. Ultimately it's your decision.
     
  7. dano218

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    I was kind of in this situation where I was out to everyone and while I did that I had no problem maintaining some privacy regarding who I am dating or in a relationship with. At one point I lived with and developed a relationship with a guy in very rural area near where I lived and he was mostly in the closet expect for few people who accepted him and gay people. I was fine with that and our relationship was kept strictly behind closed doors. We both attended these very conservative churches and had friendships with people in the community who were mostly conservative. Then a house explosion occurred and my boyfriend suffered severe burns resulting in his death. That confusion and trying to balance the private aspects of our lives versus what other people knew about me and our relationship was too stressful. I feel bad because I was lying to myself about being comfortable in that situation when in reality I was not even though I did care for him deeply. I went back to being open about who I was while still maintaining a relationship with those in that community or those in his family strictly off of social media. If they find out eventually that is what it is but I learned that situation of balancing what certain people know and what certain people don't know is far too complicated and its better to live authentically and as honest as possible.

    I am saying don't do it necessarily but just saying basically it can get complicated and you may regret down the road if something unexpected happens and you may be left alone to deal with what certain people know or don't know.
     
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  8. Contented

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    I would urge you not to “recede” back into the closet. I have no doubt it’s tough for you to be open about your homosexuality but denying it will only complicate matters later on. If you have BF, good for you. You then have someone to support you. While it is not easy being gay and proud at your age will only make you happier in the long run. Keep moving forward,going backwards won’t get you anywhere but lost. Best!
     
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