Seriously, I'm looking at woman left right and center and can't get them out of my head. Today the receptionist at the pediatricians office was SO FREAKIN ADORABLE and I could not stop looking at her (Yes that's right, pediatrician, with my 18 month old!) Did anyone else find that when they realized they were Bi, the feelings grew stronger and stronger every day?....and also, did anyone think I'm Bi but eventually just realized they were fully lesbian?
Hi TaraDZ, Behaving like a teenager or having a second adolescence is a very common reaction for folks who come out as bisexual or gay at midlife. This is quite normal As for your question of using bisexual as a stepping stone to accepting oneself as gay or lesbian, yes, many people (myself included) have identified as bisexual before coming out as gay. Having said that, many people continue to identify as bisexual. You may also want to google and learn about the Kinsey scale which provides additional granularity around bisexuality. Enjoy your second adolescence. As you get more comfortable you begin to figure out which category you fall into.
When I was younger I thought I was bi because I liked Sonic and fantasized about marrying him. Then, I realized I was lesbian and thing crashed and burned with me and Sonic. I'm sorry, Sonic! It's not you, it's me! Actually, it kinda is you.
The second adolescence throws everyone for a loop. Some of the best advice I found here on EC was one of the ladies talking about just letting herself relax and be in the moment when feeling those attractions. You may find that it will sort of come and go. I think these periods like you are experiencing are when you can learn a lot about this new aspect of yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sure it is possible that this could be a prelude to discovering something else about your sexuality. It's different for everyone. I feel like it's less likely for us older people to use bisexuality as a way to "ease into" admitting to being lesbian/gay. You are obviously attracted to women, are you still attracted to men? That's the easiest way to make a determination.
I was a teenage boy once... I remember it feeling a little different... But yes, I can see what you're saying
Yes. It's debilitating at times. Femininity is BLINDINGLY BEAUTIFUL. My heart breaks because of it a bunch of times a day. I'm trusting this will go away the more I adjust. With that in mind, I'm taking steps to try and integrate this new-found me into my life, because I'm done letting overwhelming feelings dictate every waking hour (ha, often the joke's on me, but that's another story). One thing I'm not worried about is whether this is a stepping stone to lesbianism. If it were, I wouldn't imagine having similar attractions to men. I still do. They aren't knocking me over, but I'm *used* to them. I can think, "Mmm. Yum!" And, move on. It doesn't jar me. The attraction to women catches me by surprise and feels scary. Someone helped me understand it by describing it as realizing I've been without oxygen, and suddenly being able to breathe. That makes sense to me, so I thought I'd share.
Touche crazydog15! Thanks for all the feedback...I guess the feeling towards women are overpowering but I do still find men and more importantly my husband attractive. Just women more so right now.
Someone on these forums phrased it as "perving on" a particular gender over the other. And that's definitely me right now, and it sounds like you too Enjoy it. It does feel like oxygen, giving it life and space and allowing it to happen is slowly acknowledging my true self. I don't know if I'm bi or lez. I certainly FEEL lez at times. All I know is I'm definitely, 100% not straight. Anymore. If i ever was to begin with.
Once you give yourself permission to find women attractive (e.g., by acknowledging to yourself that you are bisexual), it makes sense that you will start developing that sense of attraction, and start applying it to more and more people. So don't be surprised by this...rather, embrace it, since all you're really doing is catching up to your previous attractions and taste in men. Also, it is true that lots of gay people went through a period where they identified as bisexual. Some of them knew they weren't really bisexual all along; others genuinely thought they were (and who knows for sure whether they might actually have been?). So yeah, some bisexuals (or "bisexuals" if you're a skeptic) do come to realize they are gay. But on the other side of that coin, bisexual attractions are known to ebb and shift...the strength of attraction to men or women changes, and one becomes dominant (even strongly dominant) for a period, then wanes, etc. I've known plenty of bisexuals (including myself) who have started to worry that they may be gay or that they may be becoming straight, and then discovered within a few weeks or months that nope, they're still bisexual. I'd suggest just continuing to pay attention to your feelings and attractions to both sexes, and to expect them to be in flux. Eventually, you'll likely be able to identify trends and preferences. Like SiennaFire says, learning and thinking about the Kinsey Scale may help you understand your attractions better as well...many bisexuals (including myself) are not an even 50/50 in their attractions to men and women, but have a preference, either strong or mild, for one sex over the other...and yes, that can shift over time. But I would think that if you're having a *lot* of attraction to women at this time, it is primarily because having permission from yourself to experience those attractions is new to you, and you are just reorienting. Enjoy that ride. *smile*
