Last night my wife and I were working on some Christmas decorations. She started complaining about how unhappy she is in our relationship. We got to talking, and she admitted she had thought about separating. She said she knew I could never give her what she needed because of who I am (basically because I'm gay). We kept talking, and got to the point where I admitted I'd be happier with a man. She and I, over many tears, decided it would be best for us to ultimately divorce. Today, I thought I'd feel relieved, but instead I feel crushed. I have been together with my wife since I was 18. The song "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift came on, and I burst into tears. I know we're never going to kiss again, cuddle again, be partners again. I know in the end, I'll be happier, but today I'm sad. How have those of you who've been through this dealt with the grief of knowing your life would never be the same as you once thought?
Hey, I wanted to send you hugs. I haven't been in your situation, but know everything will pass. Give yourself time and take it easy. If you need to talk, then we're here to listen, maybe even therapy could help, just so you could talk to someone about it.
Thank you, Rayland. My wife has been surprisingly understanding today. In the past when we've talked about my sexuality, she was pretty hostile, so I'm glad this is different. I appreciate your offer to listen. I do have a therapist, and I'll talk to her about all this on Monday.
Jeffel.....What you went through was difficult, but in the end it was probably the best way that all that could have happened. Right now it's not surprising that you feel the way you do, but that will pass. In the end what is happening to you is so much better than an angry, furious separation. With luck you and your wife will both find a new life that will make you happy and fulfilled in a way that your present relationship can't accomplish. I hope that both of you can remain friends and cherish the years and good times that you have had together. Remember that you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and that we do care. Stay with us and share with us and we will do our best to help and support you. .....David
Jeffel, I'm hoping the best for both of you and the kids. You had the courage to take a big step, one that many want to but can't seem to say the words out loud. You had the courage to do that. I will be following your progress to see how it goes. I may not be far behind you.
I do understand exactly what you are going through. As a gay man who came out to his wife and ultimately separated, I know the grief that I felt for a long time was really hard. I tried to hold on to the relationship for a long time and make it work but ultimately that was unfair to both of us. It wasn't until we fully separated and started living apart that I was finally able to start figuring out my life living as a gay man. She was able to find a new relationship with a great guy who is good for her. He can now give her what I couldn't and I am able to be me and it's a better situation for both of us. I know it's hard to see it in the moment but you are going to be better in the long run. Hang in there
Hi there! Sometimes, life will hurt more before it gets better. This is one of the things I have learned by reading over similar threads and stories of members who have found themselves in very similar circumstances as yourself, over the years. Life, and the very learning we do about ourselves, has a weird way of showing up, announcing itself at the door.As it was mentioned above, you are grieving a loss, and trying to make sense of it all. Being open and honest with each other about where the both of you are at, what you are experiencing, and asking for help, will likely provide a path forward that could work for the both of you. I think talking with each other, and as hard as it can be and is, is already a great step because you are acknowledging what is happening. Know that it is still possible that the both of you will stay friends and support each other as David/quebec has mentioned, even if it does not feel like it at the moment. I would encourage you to try reading through some of the stories here in the LGBT Later in Life forum, stories and experiences that could provide you with some insights and points of reference for your own journey. (*hug*)
Hey I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re brave that you came out. Proud of you, it will get better. I feel like I’m in a similar situation too. I’m still married and I think I’m gay and not ready to come out yet. I created a post on my profile page, if you could help me out.
Hugs sorry and happy for you at the same time I know coming out to my wife was hard I am Bi but still wasn't easy
