I joined this forum in 2016 when I was willing to admit to being bisexual. I finally had to admit to myself recently that I am not really bisexual. I have buried these feelings for so long and tried to convince myself that I was bisexual because it was easier than admitting the truth. The truth is I have only ever been a male when it was convenient or to fit in. Being who I am was never an accepted idea or normal when I was growing up. I am admitting now that I am a transgendered female and always have been. I can’t live with the mask I’ve been wearing anymore. I can’t lie to myself anymore. I can’t hurt others for the sake of being normal anymore. And I am scared and excited now. I am in tears for the changing of my old life but I am excited in the assuming of my real and changing new life. I am happy ACTUALLY happy for the first time I can remember since I was a child. I am happy because I am going to be ME with no masks when this is over. But this is the part where I ask for some kindnesses. I like the word kindness. I’ve always assumed that it came from the German word for family or like(similar). These kindnesses I ask for are few and simple... please let me find some friends here. I’ve told my sister and my mother and eldest daughter and they are loving and accepting. But I will need support from people who are and have been where I am. I need to chart a path through this to realize myself. So I ask for the kindnesses of advice and friendship. I know that some here may say that this is what you do but I want you to understand that I realize that this is given by you freely and not taken by me as an entitlement. As such I appreciate you all and am in your debt. Thank you for listening and forgive my rambling. So many emotions to convey and I haven’t been able to get them into order yet.
Gryphon.... Hello and a very big WELCOME to empty closets! Understanding and finally accepting ourselves can be so very difficult. I am not Trans, but like you I tried to hide, tried to make myself be like society wanted me to be for over 40 years. The crisis when it finally happened was terrible. I am still here because people on empty closets responded to my desperate plea for help the night that I could not go even one step further. They saved me that night and I know that all of us here on EC will also be here for you. Whatever questions you have, whatever fears assault you, whatever problems you face...we will be with you. This is a place where you can be confident that those who respond to your post will be doing their very best to help and encourage you because we have been there...or we are right there now facing the same thing. I am so happy that you have begun this process and that even at the very beginning you are finding more happiness than you have had for years! I have a suggestion for you...there is a great forum here on empty closets titled "Gender Identity and Expression" that is a place that a lot of Trans folks post their questions and concerns. I know for sure that if you post there you will get responses from people who are dealing with the same things as you. They will be at all different places in their Transition, but that would give you some really good insight into where you are going and how to get there. Check out that forum, I'm sure it will help a lot! In the mean time...have a great week!!! .....David
