Theres a male friend of mine who is married, hes quite a bit older than me and my family has known his for many years and NO im not after him, but theres things about my interactions with him that i find odd. Im not out to him but lets just say it wouldnt take a rocket scientist to figure out im gay. I will also add hes very religious, I dont know if that will give any insight. I really appreciate his friendship and enjoy hanging out with him, but on most occassions if I ask him to hangout he will immediatley say " Sure! Come over and eat with the family." , or he'll invite me to one of his kids games or to go to a movie with him and one of his kids and i think " I dont want to hang out with you and your kids.".Sometimes we will tentatively plan to hangout on a certain day and when the day rolls around I wait and wait for him to text me but he never does. But the next time I see him he will invite me for a quick bite at a resturant. One example of this was I invited him over to watch a movie and he said something like" yeah, we need some one on one time.", but the day came and he never said he was gunna come and I just let it slide. I was going to see him the next day and I just knew he would invite me for one of those quick lunches, which he did. At the end of the lunch he said " At least we got to hangout for a little bit.". Which basically told me he knew he and I were suppposed to hang out the night before. If we ever do spend any length of time alone, its usually when his wife and kids are out of town. I cant tell if this is purposeful or just because hes bored when theyre gone. I got my own place a few years back and Ive invited him over at least five times and he never would come. Ive asked him a few times to go camping and stuff but he never would plan anything with me, then one time I found out he had no problem going on an overnight trip surfing with a buddy from his highschool days. There was a short period of time when id approach him in public and he would literally brush me off and says things like " arent you supposed to be doing this or taking care of such and such a thing right now?" And one time he even said " Go talk to my wife.", i found that one very odd. Hes also done and said things I find odd, like he will say hes going to touch my ass and he has in fact repeatedly poked, pinched and slapped my ass. Hes commented on things about my physical appearance, like my skin and I once heard him say to someone else that " he didnt like pretty boys.". Does anyone think this is odd behavior? Is this guy just a really bad friend and a flake or his he not hanging out with me because he thinks im gay and is uncomfortable being around me? If he does think im gay why would he touch my ass? Do you think he might be gay and if he were to be alone with me might be tempted? Anyway, those are a few questions I have and maybe I can get some insight on if I should just avoid him alltogether.
There could be many reasons, but I don't think it's because he's uncomfortable with gay people. If I were to guess, it would be that perhaps he is, himself, closeted, and is afraid that if he spent alone time with you something might happen. I would suggest that this is someone with a load of baggage that you don't need. At face value, he seems flaky and not that interested. And even if he is... he's married and, it sounds like, far older than you, so it would be a really bad idea for anything to happen. So if it were me, I'd take the hint, let it go, and put my energy elsewhere.
I don't think it's appropriate behavior for a man who has a wife and kids. What would most people think of a married man who acts like that towards a young woman? It shouldn't be much different just because you're a man. And I'm aware it's not entirely unusual for straight men to sometimes have homoerotic interactions as a joke with other male friends, but this sounds like it's causing you confusion and discomfort that you don't really need or want. You're acquainted with his wife and kids, so out of respect for them and for yourself, I would suggest you set boundaries and don't let him cross them. If he does have homosexual feelings that he hasn't explored, then using you as a target to practice and express them on is probably not the best way to go about it.
Yeah. while hes never done anything overtly sexual, I have at times felt like hes trying to get his "thrills" in where he can.
Yeah, not sure if it might just be me, but when I read the whole thing it seemed to me that you are being far more flirtatious and trying to make something happen than him. Why do you want to hang out with him so much? If I were being blown off by a friend so many times I would stop trying to make the friendship happen like that. Like it seems he literally doesn't want to hang out with you alone. If he wanted to have sex with you then he would have already taken the chance to be alone with you at someones house, but from what you are saying he is avoiding exactly that. Whether it is because he is secretly lusting for you and doesn't want to give into temptation or because he doesn't enjoy one-on-one time with you other than lunches is hard to tell. But I am leaning towards the latter based on what you are saying. As far as the ass thing, I think that is way common for a lot of guys. In my husbands family they slap, pinch and even playfully poke each other with sticks. I never got whats so funny about it, but all the guys in his family laugh it up.
JohnnyGo, from your startup post for this thread, it seems that you have a good intuitive handle on how things are. The replies to you so far seem pretty spot on, too. Yeah, I think he secretly likes you, but he doesn't want to go there. Perhaps you are both secretly flirting with each other - you no more than him.
