Nothing is getting better

That's just not true. There is always a possibility for a happy ending. You might be feeling down right now, but I swear it's just the chemicals in your brain going nuts. Think about a time where you didn't feel that way. Even if that time is so distant you feel like a different person now. You need to reconnect with those feelings. Right now you're feeling depressed, and that's not really because the things you're thinking are true. Look at what you've got and what other people do not. At least you're not homeless, you've got internet access, clean water. You've got a lot more going for you than some people in the world. I know that can seem like it doesn't really matter, but it does.

When i'm in a really bad mood and i'm all depressed and wanting to die, I find the best solution is to take those feelings i'm having and separate myself from them. I become an incredibly analytical person and i just step back, look at the feeling and all the reasons i'm feeling that way. Then I let it bother me for 5 minutes, then I have to stop thinking about it and DO something else. Go somewhere, find something to take my mind off of whatever it was that's making me feel down.

Also, pretending you're in a great mood and super happy is a proven method to get yourself in that mindset. When you pretend, if you do it long enough, your brain starts to think it's real, and when that happens, you actually will become happy.

 

It's been a long time since I replied to one of your posts, but fuck I always remember the shit you've gone through. You've just got to get out, Chokie. Somewhere else, away from the dysfunction. It's a dead end where you are, but you are way too intelligent and caring and driven to allow it to be your end. You are not going to get help, or probably even be able to help yourself, if you are stuck in your environment. Do something radical! Whether it's the Army or just going somewhere far away where someone can put you up for awhile while you make a new life. Because you will be able to survive and I bet even thrive because you are smart and you are definitely strong.