Not liking myself

You're 17. It takes time to come into your own. I know that isn't a very helpful answer, but I hated a lot about myself until I hit 30... I then I just realized how frickin' awesome I am. You'll have that aha moment for yourself. Take baby steps with it. Hold your head up. And don't just look at yourself as a lesbian. That is only one part of the many parts that make up who you are. Focus on what does make you feel comfortable about yourself and eventually the things that make you uncomfortable won't seem like such a big deal....

 

Do you just not like being asked about sexual things or is it specifically just about you liking girls?

 

I think you're experiencing a lack of confidence. I've been out for a while and in the beginning, it was very difficult for me to openly discuss my sexuality, especially with my family. I'm not even sure why honestly, because there's nothing to be ashamed of. However, now that I've gained tons of confidence, I've become more open about my sexuality. So, I think it's going to take some time for you to get to that point. And I believe that once you say it aloud to yourself a few times, it becomes easier to say, "Yes, I'm a lesbian" to others. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to give it a try. And it seems like to me at least, each time you say, "I am a lesbian" to yourself, you grow a bit more confident/comfortable.

This is probably a terrible analogy, but self acceptance is almost like a flower that blooms. So, from a seed to a fully bloomed tulip -- or whichever is your favorite flower. It needs sunlight and water to grow, so the more people you have on side who accepts you, the easier it will be for you to fully accept who you are. They are and will forever be your supportive system--your sunlight and water.

 

You are who you are and you can't change it so don't feel scared or insecure or what ever. If people don't like you because you are gay then f them. Well good luck!!!

 

If you can't say it out loud, one thing I did to practice was I looked into a mirror and would say "I'm gay" enough times a day to where I was confident enough in saying it. And you are awesome and perfect, and you are so much more than just your sexuality. Don't worry Mer, you'll get to where you'll not be embarrassed about it, it just takes some time. Best of luck

 

I did the same thing when I wasn't confident with myself - I couldn't physically say it out loud. Something just stopped me. It was like a brick wall wasn't letting me speak the actual words 'I'm gay'. Looking back, I know it was me trying to hang onto perhaps being straight, and I think I thought, if i didn't say it out loud, it wouldn't be true. So to me, it was part of the internalised homophobia I had before coming to fully accept myself and be confident in who I am.

Ultimately, being confident with yourself is a hard thing, and I agree with the mirror idea. It would almost 'normalise' your responses to the questions as it's something you've said before, albeit just to yourself.

I hope things get better for you!

 

It's a pain getting from the place where you're comfortable in your own skin to the place where you can openly acknowledge and discuss it with others, but you'll get there!

If you don't like the mirror idea (I tried once and wasn't fond of it) you could try a therapy technique we learned in a group session...it was applied to something else but there is no reason it shouldn't work. Imagine a house that belongs to you and you only let the people you want inside. Imagine a slightly younger version of you in the house with you and see if you can talk to them in your head.

It might not work, you might hate it, but its worth a try, it helped me no end!

 

Awh.. I know the feeling of having hard time saying it.. I think we've all been there at some point.

Another technique you could try doesn't require a mirror but has the same basis to try to help you feel more comfortable.. Use a phrase that you feel connects best with you and how you feel and repeat it to yourself out loud.. it doesn't need to be loudly, but just so that you can hear it.. the one that worked for me was "i am me and i am beautiful" it really helped for me in raising my confidence.. then another tip is that when you feel comfortable with yourself, tap your legs in an alternating pattern starting with the right one. My therapist said it has a natural brain trigger that if you do that to yourself when you're comfortable, your brain will help you feel at peace more easily when you're not after getting used to the tapping.. crazy how you brain can do these things.

best of luck to you, i know it can be hard. but i know you'll feel happier soon

 

Perhaps it isn't your sexuality that is giving you this bad self image.

 

Well, you're pretty much out, have you're friend and family reacted well?

But, your sexuality isn't what defines you, a low self image can affect everything whether you're straight or gay or bi.

It's possible that being uncomfortable with your sexuality is a symptom and the not the cause.