Hi everyone, So I've started playing around a bit with guys for the first time, and I'm sort of finding it's not what I was expecting. I got my first blowjob from a man a few weeks back, and after a while I started to go soft. Even after he sped up a bit, it didn't help much and my organism wasn't very good at all. He topped me the next time we met up and while it wasn't bad or anything, I found it extremely hard to get off. I went soft and couldn't really get hard again, and when I jerked off after it was pretty weak and not very enjoyable. Idk what's wrong with me! The attraction for me when I'm with a guy is very much how I feel, if that makes any sense. Like, I LOVE feeling like a girl, I love the attention, I love getting told I'm hot and that I'm wanted, but it seems like when it moves past that and gets realy sexual, the attraction goes away, at least a bit. When I sleep with a girl, it gets in my head when I'm into it, and when I organism it's a really powerful feeling. I decided to experiment with guys because I love feeling feminine so much (and, being totally honest, because I find it very hard to get girls) and while I still realy like that, for me the sexual component is the orgasim, and that's just not there like I like it . I'm not really sure what to do or how I feel about that. I don't have any interest at all in topping another guy, for whatever reason. I like the idea of bottoming and know it's a different type of sensation, but I'm worried it's not getting me off and won't. I've thought about trying it for ages, so I feel like I should give it another shot, and the guy I'm fooling around with likes it when I act all girly, which is what turned me on about it in the first place, but this is confusing the hell out of me and I don't know what to do lol. I'm just exhausted by it. Any tips/advice/smacks upside the head haha?
When having sex with a woman have her put on a strap on to peg you. If you can find one that is interested in pegging. You may find it's what you really want/need sexually.
Do you think I should try this before being with a guy again? I have wondered about it a lot in the past. I like girls a lot, which is a big part of what makes his so confusing.
im not sure your gay or bi. im like u love bottom really fem, and other stuff, but i love guys. do u have any attraction toward guys or just the attention? u sound fem and striaght but maybe not. have u tried it with a woman being bottom?
It sounds to me like you just haven't found the right type of relationship for you yet.. I am very much the same. I am a man and enjoy being a man, but I also have a feminine side, especially when it comes to the intimacy part of a relationship, where I express feminine. And that can make it very difficult in the bedroom.. In the past in hetero relationships I've always had a hard time maintaining erections etc, and on the occasions where I have been with men I am alright as long as I am in a feminine role and being treated feminine by a man, which is different than with two Gay men being together. And I will 2nd what NeedYou said about "Pegging" ... My last wife and I had teriffic sex, but then she knew and embraced my feminine side and in the bedroom she would Top me and get into it, and vice versa with me being able to remain in a feminine place the whole time. Unfortunately there were other issues with that relationship that caused it to end, and I wonder if I'll ever find another woman or person where I can have that kind of an intimate relationship which is a real needle in a haystack proposition. So I hope that you can find your sexual Niche and a Loving partner to share it with you!
I feel like this is the crux of the issue. I don't notice guys in my day to day, it's only really later when I start thinking about the attention and feeling sexy. Like I never really see a good looking guy and go "wow he's hot" in my head like I do with girls, but when guys tell me I'm hot I like it. Knowing I'm wanted, and feeling feminine, gets me going way more than any of the physical stuff. Can't really explain that. I haven't tried bottoming with a girl, but I'd really like to. Kinda hard to find though haha which I feel like could be part of the problem. I'm a super sexual person but I don't have a lot of sex, and part of me is wondering how much of this is stemming from boredom. That feels a little simple but still.
And thanks everyone for the replies it feels good to talk it through. Usually consulting the internet makes me feel like crap lol
ill try give u what i went through to see if it will help, im bi/pan. lways attracted to women, extreme fem looks and personality. i had it repressed until like twentys, loved crossdressing/drag. parents and friends homophobic has to act striaght and masc all the time. i repressed i repressed it unntil it just all suddenly all came out. i then never started looking at men that i do women. i always had to be fem in relenship. i loved how they flirt and looked at my fem side. i felt like a women. it wasnt until i fully accepted i started looking at guy that i do to women. guys telling me and expressing opionion on my fem side turn me on more then the guy looks,
I don't want to repress anything, that's important to me. I really try to not get caught up in what anything "means" or anything like that. If I'm gay, I'm gay. If I'm straight, I'm straight, and same goes for anything in between or outside of that. I crossdressed a lot when I was a teenager, and I've only just kinda gotten back into it (I'm mid-20s). I like it, and how I feel when I'm dressed up. My big anxiety is that I'm not giving men a real enough shot , and what'll happen if I don't. Like, I did like bottoming a guy to a point, but after a while I felt awkward and couldn't really cum at all. When I did I just felt more awkward. I liked how much he liked me more than the sex, and I'm struggling with what to do with that. Once the appeal of that feeling ebbed away a bit, I sorta regretted it
It was the same after he blew me the first time. Felt sexy and fem while it was happening, but after a little bit I didn't really want to keep doing it. Ugh, I hate this.
So do yo So do u think I should keep trying with men? I'm supposed to meet up with this guy again tomorrow and he's told me what he's hoping for, but I don't really want to get that feeling again, and tbh I don't know if I want to do it. It's not really a guilt, it's more like a feeling that this isn't for me. Like I'm wondering if I'd be happier just sticking to cross dressing. But that sometimes feels like not enough Sorry I'm putting so much on u haha
Lots of men can't get off while bottoming. That's entirely normal. It's also possible the effort to jerk off afterwards was tainted by the negative feelings you had over not being able to get off in the moment. Also normal to only want to bottom (or only want to top). Some have no interest in doing both. Are the partners you're trying with experienced? Because another factor could be whether or not they are good in bed. I hate to say it, but if they suck in bed, no amount of attraction is going to solve the disappointing sex. You say that you don't necessarily find men attractive, though, but just are more drawn to that attention they pay you. I would say that as another has said, you sound more like you might be fem and straight. The pegging is something you should look into, although if a girl is doing it the first time, be prepared that she might need a little practice. To me, it sounds like you need a strong/aggressive woman willing to dish out the praise and attention you desire pertaining to your femininity.
have u thought of just trying to just go out with guy, but jumping to sex, like build up it seeing if your attracted to a guy emiontaly or if u could love a guy. like being u fem self. at the begining i was so repressed i could never see myself dating or being married, kissing or hug or any future. i went on guys with held sex, tried to build a love between us, i didnt enjoy and still dont enjoy random sex i have to have love or i cant have casual sex. i build love between us then everthing felling places. first time casual i was replused turn off, think it was just a phase im striaght, kept going back and doing it. not until i accept myself and build a love between a partner i enjoyed it. i was still my self a super fem crossdress/drag fab queen. but at the end if u cant see or be with a guy, u may be just a fem straight or just need a contection between a person before sexual contact. follow me and pm me if u want to talk
Tim1818: reading your dialog, a few things stand out: It's really cool you're experimenting, trying things out … & aware of your feelings as well as the sexual part of sex U have more powerful orgasms w women than with men When u bottom w a guy, it's more difficult to get off. I've always noticed, when a guy is bottoming, he almost always doesn't have a hardon (except in porn which doesn't count cuz it's acting). The sensation of being fucked, bottoming, a feminine role, is a different body sensation than having a hardon & wanting to fuck, a masculine role. U said "the attraction goes away" …well yes, I sure most married het couples would confirm this, as well as gay partners. The stimulation from the "hunt" can dissolve after the capture. But it doesn't work to always be looking for a new partner, & not being able to create a loving relationship w someone. So it is desirable to develop relational skills such as honest communication, complimenting your partner, good hygiene, giving your partner gifts, etc. These things basically help someone like u better. Your sexual experience would say you're bi. But there's a vast difference from woman to woman, & man to man. One woman you've got the hots for, the other one you don't. Same w guys. So u need to look for & find a woman and / or a man who u feel most compatible with. i.e. It's not the gender, it's the individual. Keep experimenting. A lot of this is about the relationship, which u don't say much about, & not just the sex. This is the part u need to develop - your connection & intimacy w your partner.
Very good points... and from my experience when I've been in femme mode sexually the more important sensation is from inside not outside.. and when you think about it both men and women have the same sexual pleasure centers... the Clitoris and the Penis are the same nerve centers that developed to different degrees, and the "G" Spot and the prostate are also the same each with a different type of orgasm. For me I can be stimulated externally but as soon as I am penetrated the primary sensation center shifts regardless of my intent, and to carry it a step further if I allow myself to embrace the sensation from the male "G" spot I've found that I can have multiple orgasms so long as I allow myself to let go and realize that even for a man an orgasm doesn't have to be accompanied by ejaculation, and in those moments it's a pretty wonderful place to be!
Being self-conscious/overthinking is a great way to go/stay soft. It's very human. What's the solution? Avoid hunting for the "trophy orgasm". Tell yourself/your partner there is a "penalty" for coming. Of course you can kid around with this.
A LOT of people may not understand this at all but you may actually be a lesbian in a male body. Embrace it and have no shame!
