Non Binary Advice (please help)

Hi @Unknown737

I think that the best thing to is sit your parents down and explain everything about how you feel. Maybe if you think that one parent will take it better then the other then come out them first then the other, you might find it easier to tell them that way. Or if not tjen sit them down together and be honest to both them and yourself.

With your friends try coming out to one or two that you are closest to or think will accept it the best then work on tell others.

They way you look depends on you, what you want and what makes you most comfortable. Don't take much notice of people who make comment because over time they will stop and they will become more accepting because they will get used to it and it will just become normal to both them and you.

Just please make sure you do this when you are ready and that you are safe and comfortable.
Its up to you.

 

congrats on coming to terms with being non-binary! that’s a big and important step to take and definitely something to be proud of!

i’ll leave the advice about coming out to other people because back when i was exploring my gender i wasn’t brave enough/did not have the energy to talk to anyone about it and i never came out as anything to anyone irl. however, until you’re at the point where you have come out:
what is the reason you feel you can’t dress more like you feel until you’ve come out? a lot of people buy clothes from sections that do not match their gender (esp women from men’s sections), because the strict gendering of clothing makes no sense in any way other than from a marketing perspective. for example, i identify as female but buy all of my clothes from the men’s section; that does not make me a man (nor does it make me look masculine because of the way i wear/combine it as well as my mannerisms etc). i’m sharing this example because if someone questions why you buy more gender neutral clothes but you don’r want to come out to them, you can tell them clothing has no gender and you can buy whatever you want. i’ve found that going on a little rant about the world’s insistence on gendering every darn thing out there without it even serving a purpose is generally annoying enough for people to stop bringing up the fact that i’m buying clothes that they don’t fit in the same box as my gender but you might have other reasons why you feel that way, which is why i asked the question at the start. (it also doesn’t apply to a binder sadly... people will most likely link that to being transgender. it’s not entirely unheard of for women to bind (esp some butch lesbians, but i’m not butch and i ocassionally bind too because my relation with my gender is complicated) but less common and many people do not know about that.)

about your hair, what makes you afraid of cutting it? and do you WANT to have it short?
is it just that you really like your long hair? if so, it is perfectly possible to look androgynous or masculine with long hair. you don’t have to cut it off just so you live up to more stereotypical ideas of what a non-binary person should look like! google searches of “androgynous long hair” or “masculine long hair” will give you many examples of people who ROCK long hair but don’t look feminine! you’re also entirely free to redefine stereotypical ideas of what it means to be non-binary: not living up to stereotypes of androgynous looks does not make your gender any less valid. having your hair in a way that you feel most comfortable with is the top priority

or is it just that you’re afraid because it’s such a big step? if so, you could consider taking smaller steps. so first cut off a couple of inches, then some more, then some more... you don’t have to go straight from waist length hair to a buzz cut (figuratively speaking) if you don’t want to. this will give you the chance to get used to it and also try out some hairstyles to see what you like! mind you, hairstyles are generally more important in determining what looks feminine, neutral or masculine than length is. surely no one looks at emma watson’s pixie cut or jason momoa’s long hair and questions their gender... do make sure to be very clear to your hairdresser though, i’ve found most of them will feminise whatever haircut you ask for if they assume you’re female, even if you show a very clear example of what you want. it’s dumb, but sadly happens a lot.

or is it because long hair feels safe? i used to always hide behind my hair and i was terrified of losing that because i was very shy and awkward and it gave me a little curtain to hide behind in a way. it wasn’t even very long but still... it was there. cutting it shorter and in a way that meant i could no longer hide behind it actually boosted my confidence precisely BECAUSE i could no longer hide!

for people who won’t understand your gender if you have long hair..... i wonder if they would understand if you didn’t have it. a lot of people struggle to grasp the concept of being non-binary (or just don’t want to, for that matter) and then it won’t matter how you present yourself, unfortunately. and people have a habit of instantly labelling people either male or female and most of them are not likely to think of other genders unless you explicitly tell them how you identify, so then your hair length will not affect that, either. first and foremost, present yourself the way YOU feel, the way you are comfortable. you can redefine every idea people have about gender/femininity/masculinity/androginity, you don’t have to fit into a box and you don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations of what non-binary means.