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No more gay people in gay clubs

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017.

  1. Jackie Ray

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    So I havent been active for a couple of days, some of you know what Im going through currently. I decided to take my mind off of my situation and go to the local LGBT establishments and cut loose. I noticed something rather disturbing, half or more of the people in gay bars and clubs were straight. I have started to see this back home too. Why are heteros taking over our clubs?

    When I first started going to gay clubs and bars 10 years ago you'd always see the occasional older straight couple who wanted to have a drink in a safe place or the girl who went with her gay friends. That to me was okay and it didnt take away from our experience or atmosphere. I was in a "Gay" Bar the other night and I swear only me and the bartender were gay, the other 30+ patrons were hetero's, every guy I tried talking too said "Sorry bro Im not gay Im just here with my girl". Its like they go to our bars as tourists hoping to see some gays and lesbians in the wild.

    The worst was last night a straight girl in her early 20's started hitting on me hard and I politely told her I was gay, she then put her hand on my inner thigh and crotch and whispered in my ear " I can do for you what some girl should have done a long time a go, I can turn you straight". I was shocked and I would have been angry but what she said was so absurd I just laughed in her face, then she called me an asshole. Can you believe her nerve, she was basically sexually assaulted me and then got mad at me. I dont know but I just feel like straight people are trying to steal our culture. one or two hetero's in a gay fine, but 20 or 30 no way.

    What do you all see in your bars and clubs because I think its getting ridiculous. Sorry if I sound angry Im just venting.
     
    #1 Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2017
  2. gravechild

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    I think it's less the number and more how they conduct themselves. Like, if it were up to me, she'd be tossed out just for being obnoxious.

    Regarding your question... I don't know. Could have something to do with visibility, or social barriers falling down. In the past, where you could literally be thrown in jail for behaving a certain way, LGBT community was more tight knit and less accommodating to outsiders. Things could get pretty ugly, too. Think of the phrase "sleeping with the enemy".

    It would have been unthinkable for large numbers of young people to call themselves "fluid" in the past, or be okay with no labels. Perhaps people are seeing that we aren't two opposing teams, but a part of a spectrum. Some of us can feel comfortable in multiple settings. Not that I can't sympathize. I think there is always going to be a chance for straight people to find their way in, and rude incidents have been experienced since the beginning.
     
  3. Elendil

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    You should've asked her "Why are you wasting your time chasing gay men? Will straight men have nothing to do with you?"

    I know that sometimes straight women will go to gay bars just so that they can go out and have a good time without having to worry about being constantly hit on by men. As to why straight men are showing up, you got me. I'd think that most straight guys would want to avoid gay bars because they wouldn't want to be hit on by other men. But then again, like gravechild said, social barriers are gradually coming down with the younger generations and younger men these days are more comfortable with gay people then they were 10 or more years ago. Maybe we're seeing the beginnings of a less segregated social scene in regards to orientation.
     
  4. Jackie Ray

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    I know its discrimination, but I think we need a gays only place to call our own.
     
  5. Jackie Ray

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    I wish I would have thought of that but Im too dumb.

    Maybe Im being unfair, she might have just wanted a challenge.
     
    #5 Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017
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  6. GalleyGirl

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    Challenge or no challenge, she basically called your sexuality a lie, and I think you showed great restraint by simply laughing at it. I can see how it's annoying though, generally, just by statistics, someone is more likely to be straight than gay. So gay clubs are great because you can finally meet other lgbt folks, but if they're full of straight people you're a bit back to square one. Yet as you said it seems like discrimination to say no to straights. It generally doesn't bother me too much though, just so long as they accept a) you may get hit on, don't get offended about it. And, b) it's one thing to tag along with your lgbt friends, but don't come out of some perverse voyeurism.
     
  7. Creativemind

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    I mean, one part of me doesn't see a problem with straight people going in general. Maybe someone gay wants to go but is terrified of going alone? And only has straight friends/family for support? In that case, it's whatever. But yeah, I can see how being dominated by straight people would become a huge issue. When it's 50% straight people, it's a problem. Gay people still have no real way to meet others, that was the whole point of these bars.

    Also, disrespectful/homophobic straight people should be kicked out no matter what. I have seen groups for mental illness/rape survivors (not the same thing as being gay, but only example I can think of) and sometimes...people who are not affected were allowed to go as support for a family member. But if I went there and started victim blaming people, I would get in deep shit. Seriously, gay bars should handle it the same way.
     
    #7 Creativemind, Oct 25, 2017
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  8. Jackie Ray

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    @GalleyGirl
    I couldnt have said anything to her anyway, I get very uncomfortable with confrontations. Im the kind of person that goes home and cries into his pilllow instead of putting a person in their place. Ive never really had the courage to stand up for myself. I usually rely on my best friend Dominic to stand up for me when we are out.

    I dont mind a few straight people but, I go to gay bars to meet gay men and just cut loose among equals. I feel like LGBT folks are just the latest fad or novelty. I still hear the word fag being used casually so Im not sure we are equals. I was reading that women treat gay men as pets.

    @Creativemind
    Thats the thing we need a way to meet others, I dont want a boyfriend but its nice to make friends. I met my friends by accident and it took me nearly a year to make gay friends, I just met them out in town by chance.

    If there are any Straight people on this forum I would love to hear your opinion, Im not bashing you guys.
     
    #8 Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2017
  9. Jackie Ray

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    It just bothers me what she said, like Im somehow broken and she can fix me by turning me straight. It sounds silly but I have been hearing her words all day, and it makes me feel low and dirty.
     
  10. Jackie Ray

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    Maybe I should have let her do her worst.
     
  11. Jackie Ray

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    @gravechild It bothers me because I used to be so ashamed of my sexuality, that I tried to kill myself. What she said to me, makes me feel like that. I know Im not alone, and many people here have been in the same place I was. But it just gets under my skin.

    What she said implied that Im a complete pathetic failure because a woman never made a man out of me when I was younger.
     
    #11 Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017
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  12. gravechild

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    Unfortunately, there are even some gay men who see as having had encounters with women as a notch in their belt. I think its stupid and harmful that men are defined by their sexual conquests. Gay bars should be places where we're shielded from that sort of bs. There have to be other places where classless people aren't so common.

    See, now I'm feeling protective. Would she even care if she knew what you went through? Probably not. I'm sure she has her own skeletons that make her blind to the concerns of others. There's no way she could have known there would be men not interested in a gay bar. Maybe she figured you were straight. Maybe she did see you as a challenge. If she was drinking, it probably made her more pushy.

    It's one thing to want to get away from creeps hitting on you, but when you turn around and do the same thing to another person... All I'm going to say is you've got issues if you take offense to a gay person rejecting you. Consider you just dodged a bullet.
     
  13. Jackie Ray

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    @gravechild thanks for feeling this with me, Im probably just overreacting and taking this too personal. She was drunk and probably didn't mean anything by it. Maybe she was hurt earlier that night and was projecting onto me? I called one of my friends and we talked about this, he reminded me that I take too much of what other people say and do to heart and I get easily hurt. He is right, Im sort of sensitive and my laughing at her was the wrong thing to do. She was desperately throwing herself at me and I disrespected her like that; I think we were both being cruel. Thanks everybody for venting with me, I really needed this.
     
    #13 Jackie Ray, Oct 25, 2017
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  14. Creativemind

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    I feel for you so much. I'm a lesbian and I get straight men doing the same thing in LGBT groups/meet ups, etc. It's so common too, like "Try my dick, I can turn you straight"....and I'm all NOPE.

    I didn't realize how common it might be for gay men too, but I have heard of trashy straight women doing this at gay bars....guess it's just something we all have to experience :/
     
    #14 Creativemind, Oct 25, 2017
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  15. Jackie Ray

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  16. Andrew99

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    This makes me not wanna bartend at a gay bar anymore.
     
  17. Jackie Ray

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    Is this something that you see often?
     
  18. Andrew99

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    No but I have heard of this thing happening and "fag hags" trying to sleep with the bartender without even asking if they're straight or not.
     
  19. Creativemind

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    The most ironic part about this....straight women complain about men "hitting on them in bars/clubs" yet they go to gay clubs to do the same exact thing they are complaining about.
     
  20. Jackie Ray

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    I met women who said things like "Gay men love me", to be honest they seemed like tired old bitty's. Do lesbians have a male version of the fag hag?