No choice but to live a lie

Ashley should just get over itself. Why shouldn't you sneak a peak when the opportunity arises? It's a commonplace that straight men routinely check each other out in the showers, at the urinals, etc., if only to see how they "measure up." Just don't be too obvious about it and you'll be fine.

 

You don't need to crawl back anywhere. Written communication can sometimes be the hardest to get right and with emotions rolled into things, it can be even harder.

Keep writing here because getting it off your chest can only improve things. And know also that a lot of us go through a phase where what we are doing or thinking about might be construed as creepy but, in fact, are not. It's just that we should have been experiencing these things when we were teenagers when this behaviour normally happens.

I think a big problem with discovering whether or not you're gay or bi or ... boils down to whether you are attracted to the same sex for the purposes of sex (ok, love too) but there are all these other "hints" and "clues", while illuminating, can also cause confusion because taken in isolation wouldn't be out of the ordinary for a straight person, either.

 

No no, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. It's good to express them. I think it's more important you find out why you feel wrong when you have sex with a man, but you internal have desire for it. You know what I mean. I guess it all comes to how we bond emotionally to someone that is also physical that may help define our orientation

---------- Post added 19th Oct 2015 at 03:47 PM ----------

People, I didn't want to come off offensive, I'm just not a strong supporter of invasion of privacy, and taking a pissing in a public place , we should all have our right not to be stared at. It' can be offensive, and is rude. Just my opinion though.

---------- Post added 19th Oct 2015 at 04:07 PM ----------

Sorry, I mistook your original post by me saying that you feel bad when you have sex with a man. I think my real question I could ask in place to that is, have you ever physically been with man?

 

Weston, calling me an it, makes you equal to any other bigot out there.

 

Zeself? Hirself? You tell me.

 

I agree with 50ishandout

Although it is hard. Just think about those steps, and contacting someone legal to talk to could set your fears to rest regarding custody.

You express reservations about your appearance, but none of us are models! I'm sure you can find interest. And if it makes you feel better, you could start working out at a gym, which also could be a way to meet men?

Your ex sounds like a terrible, controlling person. I am glad you are free from the situation. Is there any need for her to have keys to your place? Do you have keys to hers? I'm not sure how that works with joint custody and in case of emergencies, etc. But if you dont have keys to her place then it's fine for you to change your locks. You wouldn't even have to tell her you did it, right? You could just do it.

I know that's easy for me to say sitting on my couch far away and not in your position, so I want to say you are brave for coming on here at all. Even typing out the thoughts we can't share with others is HUGE progress for most of us here, myself included. There are a lot of things people could be saying I should do on this site, but although I love and read and re-read every reply to my post, I also really love posting in the first place because it feels so liberating to have a place where we can talk about this at all.

Please keep us up to date on how it goes. I'm glad you're out of that marriage. I'm glad you are free

 

I get it, I was in shoes not so different from yours about 2 years ago. Living in the closet really sucks, but you have to weigh the risks of being caught by her against any actual harm she might do. Is your ex the kind of person who would falsely accuse you of child abuse or is she relatively sane/honest? That's pretty much the only serious trouble she could stir up, sure she can make noise and even bring social services around but in the end unless she has proof of something she can't touch you. Social services catches onto false -reporting pretty fast when your doing everything right so I Wouldn't let the risk keep me from being myself.

Also think about your daughter, do you want her to learn about gay people by knowing what you tell her or do you want her to hear horrible things from her mom over the years before eventually finding out you're gay and having her understanding of who you are traumatized? There wasn't much choice for me cause my ex found my porn before she left but it was a choice to talk to my daughter about my lesbian friends who are having a baby and about things I do when I'm not around like things I do with friends or my boyfriend like the beach or whatever, setting the stage for her to meet my boyfriend, see how she responds a and what questions she asks etc. Point is she will grow up knowing gay is normal and boys can become girls because it prevents that from coming between us when she's older. My daughter is 4, yours is 5. In a few more years they won't look up to us the way they do now and if we don't teach them now Ii think we risk it creating an internal conflict for them

 

NO — have a great time!

 

I second that! :eusa_danc