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Newly single Mum panic!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Whoami33, Jun 4, 2017.

  1. Whoami33

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    Hi, I've recently separated from my partner of 10 years because I realised I'm gay and I'm now embarking on a single parenting journey! It's gone well on the whole but as he's now in a relationship with another woman who already has children, I can't shake this feeling that he is going to give her an instant new family and I'm just not going to be able to compete. I'm essentially starting again with my romantic life and feel I've got lots to learn, I really do want to meet someone and have the family dynamic back but what if that never happens? Feel like I'm not going to be enough for my daughter on my own.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey I can understand your anxiety but you will always be the mother of your daughter. She will always need you. Being single or dating doesn't have to take away from your relationship with her. You have been through a lot, don't be too hard on yourself.
     
  3. LonerGirl

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    Being a single mum is hard & very daunting at first. Soon you will have a new family routine & dynamic. As with most things, it just takes time. I've been on my own without a serious relationship since leaving my sons father. He has since married & now have 3 kids between them. I like to say my son has the best of both worlds. The more traditional family with 2 parents & siblings. Then in our home we have an incredible bond because its just the 2 of us :slight_smile: I do still want more children, but I haven't really felt ready to persue a new relationship until recently. In fact it seemed to come hand & hand with figuring out my sexuality. But anyway, I got a little off topic. Your daughter will love you no matter what. You will always be enough just by being her mum. Its okay to struggle, you are only human. My son saw me break down after the separation, but he has also seen me get back up & rebuild myself & my life. Things wont always be easy, but you will get there. Just believe in yourself :slight_smile:
     
  4. WhoIsKris

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    You are enough. You are and always will be the mom your daughter needs.

    I separated from my husband in Dec 2015, when my daughters were 5 and 1.5 years old. I was terrified that I would mess them up somehow. But I've learned that the most important thing is for your daughter to feel loved and cared for. And if she has extra people who love her, then it is all bonus for her. My advice to you is to stand strong as her mom and know that no one can ever change that you're her mother.
     
  5. looking for me

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    i know how you feel, i felt many of the same when i split from my ex. can i do this, will i be enough for him (son) can i be both mom and dad. it's hard, some days really hard but it is doable! and you can do it because i did and am. and i did it while figuring out my sexuality and my gender.

    you got this, and your kid will be totally ok. (*hug*)
     
  6. Whoami33

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    Thank you all for your kind words, it really helped to hear this in my moment of panic! I will get through it and things will be better ultimately but it is scary at times. I like the thought of us having a closer bond with it just being the two of us, and I think that's starting already cause we've been closer and happier since her Dad moved out. Sliver linings I suppose...!
     
  7. RJay

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    Offering my solidarity and support. I am divorcing as well, and the ex moved out 3 days ago. I have a 5 year old son, and I have moments of panic too... like "WTF am I doing?!" But, even just 3 days in, I can tell that getting his dad out of the house is giving me the space I needed to be a more present, loving mom. WE CAN DO THIS!!!

    ---------- Post added 6th Jun 2017 at 09:38 PM ----------

    BTW, my relationship was 19 years and was my first and only. The marriage was broken for many reasons, but realizing that I'm gay was the final straw that gave me the courage to end it. It feels so crazy to be actually free to be myself and to figure out that my "self" is not at all who I thought I was or who my family and friends thought I was.
     
  8. OnTheHighway

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    You will always be the mother of your child!