So here I am, 31 years old I figured out I am a lesbian. I am totally happy with this realization. Now I am married to a man and we have two kids. If I tell him I am gay, he could use that against me. My state is conservative, and if we get a conservative judge, I might not have a chance to even fight for them, if my husband paints an immoral lifestyle picture of me. I am scared. I am confused, but I am liberated. I go out into the world to do normal things and feel completely different in a good way. I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he has completely become someone I do not know by trying to fight for me. The problem is, there is nothing to fight for. I hope to be able to get him to understand that our marriage is over, through counseling, with out bringing up that I am gay. Will I ever feel normal again? Will I ever even find someone to be with? I feel lost, and tired, but my kids are very important to me. I have told my mother and my BFF and they are both on board and behind me 100%. How am I going to come through this unscathed?
Sounds like you need to join the peeps over in another thread here called: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/143948-has-never-happened-before.html
Well is there any instance that shows that you were in any way a bad parent? Surely your husband couldn't use slander against you just because you're a lesbian. Any concrete proof? I doubt it.
I don't see how your sexuality can reflect on you being a good mother. My husband threatened me with the same thing. I discussed it with my solicitor and they told me if he tried to use it he would look stupid and it would go against him. I'm in the uk though so it may be different where you are. Hopefully you don't have to let him know until you are divorced but if he uses that against you surely he will be seen as homophobic. Not a great role model for your children.
Burninggold, have you spoken to a divorce attorney about this? They'd be able to provide guidance on the relevant laws in OK. And how much discretion is granted to the judge. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2014 at 04:55 PM ---------- If only being seen as homophobic were as powerful a deterrent as it should be. Many of our more conservative areas in the USA revel in their homophobia.
It's terrible to think that there are still places where homophobia is so accepted. Here there is plenty but people have to be more careful about showing it. I may lose friends if I come out as gay but I shouldn't lose my children. Good luck with your situation. Here if you need to talk. Cycling fan has given you some good advice. The best power you can have is knowing exactly where you stand.
Ok so mostly the whole have my kids taken away from me stems from my fears! I have not talked to an attorney yet! I will but I told my husband I would stick it out until we went to counseling! I have talked to someone who went through this all and she did get her kid taken away but that was because he filed first and had the money to maintain and take care of the child and she lost her job because she is gay and suddenly didn't have the means to take care of the child! I know that will not be the case for me! I am just nervous about this all getting out there and he fights to keep the boys away from me! We should be assigned a counselor next week! After that appointment I will talk to a lawyer! I just feel a little trapped I guess!
Hang in there burninggold...you just need to get through the next few weeks...months best you can...try not to let your fears take over you...do what you do best...be there for your children...and get yourself a lawyer asap...good luck with it all
