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New Partner takes FOREVER to text back

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FuelsMySong, Jan 2, 2020.

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  1. FuelsMySong

    FuelsMySong
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    So I've been in this relationship type thing with this girl for a little over a month. We have been on several dates but we have not gotten physical yet. I know that we are more than friends as we have both expressed interest in getting physical with each other but both of us are pretty introverted and I've never had a gf, only boyfriends, and she hasn't been in a relationship at all.

    Anyway, so the issue is she takes forever to text back. She used to text me more often but lately, she has been super slow in replying. I've been jumping to all kinds of conclusions like maybe she is seeing other ppl (even tho she told me she is not seeing anyone else). Also, because I'm immature and dont know sh*t about same sex relationships, I've been doing this thing where I check the time stamp of our texts and then wont reply to her right when I see her message because she didnt reply to my message(s) right away. For example, it took her 18 hours to reply to one of my texts so I literally waited at least 9 hours before replying to her text. Idk how to ask her to be more responsive. I get she may be busy but idk how to ask about that type of stuff.

    Any advice?
     
    #1 FuelsMySong, Jan 2, 2020
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I don’t think you can ask her to be more responsive, but you could say that you’ve noticed a change and wondered what was going on, if anything?

    Given that you’re dating, rather than being in a relationship, any discussion on this might backfire on you as it could come across as clingy. If you’d been together for a couple years, and she wasn’t responding to texts about meeting up, etc. then I think it would be acceptable to ask outright, but in such a new dating situation, there’s not the same need/expectation for her to reply promptly.

    Now, I suppose she would ideally be messaging more often, as not doing so might indicate that she’s not as interested as she was or that she sees this as a friendship. But, she could just be busy, I suppose. Only she can know what’s really going on.

    Are most text conversation initiated by you? If you stopped replying, do you think the conversation would end? That might give you some idea of whether she really wants to text or not.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Jan 3, 2020
  3. alwaysforever

    alwaysforever
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    Computers and other screen driven technology has some nasty side-effects with extended use. Use of text can be a source of anxiety. For someone fighting with the chemical triggers spurred by extended time scrolling can bring, getting upset if they don't text back would only make the problem worse.

    My advice would be to sit down and have an open conversation about communication anxiety and figure out a way to make keeping in touch work for both of you. That may take some compromise.
     
    #3 alwaysforever, Jan 3, 2020
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