Hi, I'm 23 Cis-female. I've been questioning my sexuality for probably half my life, whenever I actually thought about it, and have really started thinking about it lately. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm gay (like a 5 on the scale) but I feel like I don't know how to be sure. I've never/rarely found guys attractive, even the famous ones everyone my age was always in love with I couldn't care less, but I've caught myself staring at girls and or looking at a girl's IG that I thought was gorgeous and it's like I finally get what my friends in middle school thought of one direction. I know at least half my family would be supportive (more than half my cousins on that side are either gay or bi) but I've always been the awkward kid that doesn't even curse and has never really shown interest in dating, except one guy for a couple months years ago who I didn't even like, and I just never really talk about that stuff. I still live with one parent. I generally know who would be accepting in my family but I don't know when/how to bring it up since it sort of feels like a fairytale in my head at this point; like some switch should have gone off in my head at some point when realizing all of this and that then I would be sure... does this make any sense? This is the first time I've sort of said any of this outside my head.
Hi! Yeah it makes sense. It was a bit similar for me too. For me, girls attracts me more. But I was in denial, and that time I even dated a guy to 'prove' myself wrong. And funny enough, it took me few years to finally realise my sexuality. So what am saying is that it's your journey, you don't have to feel rushed. Take all the time you need, do what feels right to you and follow your heart. And about coming out, if you feel like it's the time or it's necessary, then go for it. From what I read it sounds like your family is more accepting! Also it's just an idea, if you feel like it's hard to verbally tell them, then you can just send them a video/song that may convey what you wanna tell them. Good luck and welcome.
Firstly: You're right; that sounds overwhelming! Second, I'm Lydia, resident oddity, and I'm glad you've reached out to this community. It's helped me tremendously, and I'm sure it can help you too. Directly, I have some minor bad news and some major good news. The bad news is all I can say is I can sympathize with (imagine) what you're going through but I can't empathize with (remember) experiencing it. The good news: there are people here who can, and even the ones who can't can help you find someone who can. Even it that can't be found, we can still and want to help you find community, security, safety, and shelter. So, ultimately, welcome! I'd give you a hug, but this is the internet, so... puppy?
Hello and welcome to EC! Take your time and question away, there are many of us who took much longer in life to even get close to the point you’re at, so you may even be way ahead of schedule. It’s all a matter of perspective!
Hi and welcome to EC! I sympathise with the sorts of things you’re feeling. Take your time and go easy on yourself! I know it can be confusing. And it’s true that some people take much longer to really figure themselves out. Something that helped me when questioning was understanding what attraction really means. It’s more than admiring the looks of a person. Attraction can manifest differently in people but it is generally the desire to be near someone — be that fantasising about touching or kissing them, enjoying the thought of getting familiar with their body and/or personality, or maybe experiencing butterflies or anxiety in their presence. I’m also a 5 on the Kinsey scale (assuming that’s the scale you were referring to?) so am almost exclusively into women, though I consider myself bi. I think an important thing is to allow what feels natural to come to you. In terms of labelling yourself it’s okay to try different ones as you figure yourself out! And if you want to come out but are nervous, it may feel easier to drop little hints over a period of time as opposed to just outright telling them in one go? That way the inkling may already be planted in their minds before you deliver the confirmation. That’s what I did, and it felt to lessen the blow. But it can still be a challenging and daunting thing. You’ve come to the right place here, where people will always have your back. I wish you luck with everything! : )
Galaxy98.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are a lot of people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Hello @Galaxy98 It’s a confusing time isn’t it? I remember it well. It took me until my late thirties to accept that I wasn’t straight and that I had a gender issue of some sort. Then I had to figure out what my labels were. I then started on a path of driving myself crazy. I came out to my family (which was tough) and then I swapped and changed my labels and sent myself silly. At one point I felt like putting all the labels into a hat and drawing a couple out for myself lol I finally settled on what was right for me but it took a very long time. All I can say is don’t rush this. Take your time and enjoy the journey of discovery. Don’t beat yourself up on what your sexuality is. In good time, with your life experiences, you will work it out. When it comes to coming out, you can do this by letter if it’s easier. That way you can get everything off your chest and onto paper. Some people find that easier than coming out face to face.
Hi Galaxy98. Welcome to EC. I'm new here too, but have really enjoyed finding someone to talk to. You are so right: Figuring out yourself and coming to terms with it can be so overwhelming. I've known for most of my life (at least since I was 14) that I was queer but was so confused about everything. I wasn't too afraid of coming out (I grew up in Denmark among very progressive parents and friends), and was planning to do it several times—but just didn't know what to come out as (I've since figured out that I am bisexual). I felt coming out was supposed to be giving the world an answer as to what my sexuality was. But recently I am realizing that maybe coming out didn't have to be so definitive, but could've been just opening up to a few close friends about my confusion. Allowing someone close to me into my confusion—and that could've been part of my coming out experience. You don't have to know the answers to share with others how you feel. How does it feel to have said it out loud to someone, even if we are just strangers on the internet?
Thank you everyone. I'm going to an LGBTQ meetup event this weekend and I am hoping that it will help me. I haven't told my mom that's what it is- I've just said "I joined a group" or "I signed up to go to this event". I feel like I'm lying but I want to be more sure somehow before I tell her. I don't really have friends so I can't even tell someone like that and vent. I started saying things like "whoever I end up with" probably a couple years ago. I know that when I had a sort of boyfriend (friend who I knew liked me and didn't want to ruin the friendship so we sort of/barely dated for a couple months even though I didn't really like him) in 2015 it wasn't that first time I was taking the sexuality quizzes online and wondering. For a few years whenever I thought about it I've always thought that I'm probably bisexual and probably leaning way more towards girls (I think my OCD brain + cultural heteronormativity makes me want to convince myself that I want to be with a guy even a bit), but this is the first time I've really tried to sit down and figure it out. If I had to put a label on it I would probably say gay at this point, Lesbian seems a bit daunting for some reason. I've actually starting imaging dating for the first time in my life, because it actually seems appealing with women (the more intimate parts make me nervous though). DragonChaser- I love the puppy, thank you. Morten- It feels a bit freeing to say it, even if it is just to the internet.
Hey welcome to EC. Try not to feel too guilty about not having told your Mum, ultimately it is your business and whilst I am sure that at sometime in the future you will tell her it should only be if you want to, not because you feel that you have to. Coming out can be a tricky time to figure out exactly when is the right time but you will get there and you will know when it is the right time. Good luck at the event meetup.
