Hi, I'm 14 years old and call myself Dovahzul. The reason I've come here is that I really don't know who I am. Let me explain. I am technically male, but I don't feel like either gender. Sometimes I feel a bit more male, and on very rare occasions I feel more female, but most of the time I feel like some kind of somewhere-inbetween-but-still-not-either-gender-thingy. I don't show this on the outside, but I hate wearing masculine clothes and being referred to as "he". Truth be told, I'm way to scared to be who I really feel like. I have quite recently realized that I like both men and women. I've had a crush on my male best friend for quite some time, but of course been to scared to tell him(or anyone else). I've fantasized about having a more... intimate relationship with him, and it makes me both happy and scared to think about it. It would be great if you have advice on how I can find the courage to be the person I truly am, and maybe, someday in the far future, come out to other people and be happy.
Hi, there. Welcome to EC ^_^ Confusion is very natural to happen. It does sound though like you do have some concrete ideas of who you are though. For example you saying you don't like masculine clothes or being referred to as he. Being scared is understandable. It can be scary discovering who you are and coming out as who you are. I would say if you feel comfortable and safe, to start experimenting with new styles: hair, clothes, makeup, whatever you'd like. And see how that goes. If you don't feel like either gender, you could be agender or somewhere in nonbinary. That is up for you to discover! A crush is normal and a wonderful thing. I first started crushing with my best friend as well, so I understand how it can be scary. I denied it and pushed myself back into the closet more, which I don't recommend doing. Being open with yourself about your feelings is sooo much more healthier. So, what scares you about it? Baby steps is probably the best way to find the courage to be who you are. Start by exploring your gender, being honest with yourself, and finding support. If you can find support, whether it be here or in person, that should help you tremendously on feeling more comfortable. Feelings first, then labels afterwards: don't focus on the labels too much if it intimidates you. Also, don't feel you have to come out unless you feel comfortable and safe doing so.
hey you, as jadey95 said don't focus on labels too much if they bother you, for example i was thrilled when i first started questioning myself, for some reason i wanted a label, but for myself from me, not from others. i've been scrolling homosexual pages, tumblr, photos, everything, reading the meanings of labels and etc for quite some time 3-4 years actually, until i met this person who was really tolerant for everything and funny, she was the first person i talked freely with about these topics, i wasn't talking about myself much, just the facts actually. so what i'm saying, maybe have patience and find people you can talk to about homosexuality or gender fluid stuff, maybe just talking about these things will help realize something and you will feel better ;s and maybe this advice will suck, but anyway, don't be afraid if sometimes you don't have who to talk with, it's not that bad, read something interesting for you, try focusing on offtopic things. then eventually something will happen and you will find people or people will find you and will help you ;s also you can always count on this forum, people here are really really nice ;s good luck! ;s
It is fantastic to have found someone who understands me! Start with baby steps. Alright. I've been thinking about what I'm happy with and what I want to change. Starting with the smallest thing I'm unhappy with feels like the best thing to do right now. I have TONS of things I want to change, but I'm starting with small and subtle ones. I have decided to grow longer nails and make my eyebrows thinner. Even though it's something tiny, it feels great to have done SOMETHING. Thanks for the advice, Dov
this is great! when you have the first step no matter how small, it is almost the most important one ;s i believe soon you will have a whole plan ;s
I have a plan! I've formulated a very rough plan. I'm quite happy with it so far, although there are a few problems and uncertainties. 1) Start with small and subtle changes, just to get a feel for it and get comfortable. 2) Eliminate/alter my obvious masculine traits. Things like my clothing, walk style, haircut etc. 3) Add more androgynous/feminine traits. Accessories, makeup (I might even be able to convince my parents to let me pierce my ears) Possible problems: First of all, my hair. I have really curly red hair that just doesn't get any longer than two inches, making it nigh impossible to get any haircut other than a very masculine one. Do you have any ideas/tips? Then there are my parents. The huge and obvious changes of style will probably make them suspicious, forcing me to explain to them earlier than I'm comfortable with. That wouldn't be very good. I don't want to think about that right now. It feels better to just look forwards. It feels great to have gotten started. So excited!!! :icon_bigg
