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Never coming out to my familly , right thing or not ?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Otaku, Mar 24, 2014.

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  1. Otaku

    Otaku
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    Location:
    in a homophobic country
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    My familly is what you can call a super-homophobe familly .

    I have older 2 brothers , and my parents are divorced , we were raised by our mother , while our father moved to live in another country and comes visit us a few times per year .

    My brothers are extreemly religious and completly hate us gay people , if i were to come out to my brother i am certain that they won't speak to me ever again .

    My Father is very distant ,and we don't even have that typical "father-son" relationship , it's almost as if he wasn't even related to me , of couse , he tells me that he loves me and all , but it never feels THAT sincere , you can feel that he's faking it , but he's very open minded and he even told me that he went to a gay bar once where he lives e_e ... BUT ... as i said our relationship isn't the best so coming out to him seems useless since i rarely see him or talk to him

    Now comes my mom's turn , we REALLY get along , i love my mom to death and she also loves me enormously ... BUT ... she's a complete homophobe , she says that we're sick people and that should be treated and that we shouldn't even existe , and i know that if i come out to her she wouldn't really turn her back to me , but then again she wouldn't treat me the same at all , i'm afraid that if i come out to her i would stop being the son that makes her proud (i'm the nicest one and "smartest" one in our familly and she tells me that i make her the most proud all the time ) and i'm afraid that she would be completely disappointed in me and overall she'll just get sad ... and i really don't won't her to go through all that , and I don't want to go through all that , and i really feel like i'll ruin this perfect relationship that i have with my mom if i come out to her .

    Thank you for reading *w* , and please tell me what do you think about it c:
     
    #1 Otaku, Mar 24, 2014
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Out to everyone
    Put it this way, unless you want to be alone your entire life eventually they will have to find out. So it's just a question of when you want them to do so. Now, or when you have someone.
     
    #2 BookDragon, Mar 24, 2014
  3. Otaku

    Otaku
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So there's no escape from telling them ? is it really a necessity ? or can i just live my life and have a boyfriend without them finding out ? can a person have a love life without having his familly finding out about it ?
     
    #3 Otaku, Mar 24, 2014
  4. Csp1993

    Csp1993 Guest

    It is possible to keep it a secret, but why would you want to? I obviously know why from what you have mentioned, but when you fall in love you'll want to show them off. It doesn't matter even if you had to lose contact with them, love is that powerful. When you meet that special someone you'll want the world to know, so why not share the real you with them now? It'll save a lot of chaos from happening than if you told them later. If it did come out later, then they would have broken hopes and expectations for you about finding a wife. If you tell them now, they'll have more time to accept it and you won't have to awkwardly agree when they give you girl advice. Some people have a certain view on things because they haven't been around it up close and personal. They will most likely feel different about their thoughts on being gay if you came out. It sounds like your dad will support you no matter what and your mom too. I still think you should go for it.
     
    #4 Csp1993, Mar 24, 2014
  5. DeLuna

    DeLuna Guest

    You could always keep anything a secret but do you want to
     
    #5 DeLuna, Mar 24, 2014
  6. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    You could if you never saw your family again. But what, are you wanting to find a boyfriend and just pretend me's "a good friend" for the rest of your life?
     
    #6 BookDragon, Mar 24, 2014
  7. Ravi-VIXX777

    Ravi-VIXX777
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    Not trying to get into your personal life, but if your dad went to a gay bar wouldn't that mean at least something? I'm going on a tangent here, but PERHAPS your dad may have been curious and resulted in the divorce=your mother, and your 2 siblings hatred for gays. Just a thought.

    On a more serious note, you should be concerned about your happiness and not on others. If they're miserable because you are gay, then that is their problem. Many families are becoming more open to LGBT because of the issue you are going through. It's called ignorance and fear. Numerous parents are unaware of how hateful they can be until they realize their child is gay. Even the most homophobic families can accept others. It will take time, and LOTS of it. Ultimately, coming out should be your decision, but you should live for you, not others. Living for others isn't living, it's surviving. Goodluck! (*hug*)
     
    #7 Ravi-VIXX777, Mar 24, 2014
  8. Otaku

    Otaku
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    actually no , my mom divorced my dad because he had issue with her familly , they didn't get along to well ... and the hatred towards gay people is due to the fact that they're really religious and that our country is against the LGBT community ... we could even go to jail for it !
    and i think that you might be right about the second thing , but maybe i'll wait untill i become more independent ( since i still haven't moved out) then maybe i'll come out to them , that way even if they don't accept me i won't have to deal with all their hatred all the time , and thanks a lot guys for the reply :3
     
    #8 Otaku, Mar 24, 2014
  9. Hallmark70

    Hallmark70
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    Good luck with everything!!! Our child is transgender. My husband is having a harder time with it then me and my family!! We all love him/her and my husband. I do believe that what ever our child does he will love him! He has said that as long as our child is happy then he is ok. Family IS family. You love them no matter what. Even if they say the opposite. They will love you even if they don't express or say it!!
     
    #9 Hallmark70, Mar 24, 2014
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