So I have 0 experience with relationships so I could use a little bit of advice. I'm a senior in high school, I just switched to this school after my parents kicked me out and sent me to live with my grandma when they found out that I'm gay. I haven't spoken to anyone at school except for one friend, and it's already 1 quarter into the year. So I asked this guy if he knew any gay guys at school, and he told me about this guy who's openly gay, senior, and I really like him and would love to get to know him better and date him. But I've only ran into him like once or twice, have 0 classes with him, and I don't eat lunch in the cafeteria so I have no clue how to see him. I followed his instagram but he never followed back, but yesterday when I ran into him he gave me a really big smile and I froze. So it's going to be really hard for me to just go up to him and talk to him bc I get way too nervous so I want to start by texting him. I can get his number through my one friend, but is it ok to just text him even tho we don't really know each other? What should I do? Thanks!
Hey JAA1297, Could you just text him from the approach that you found out through friends at school that he is gay and that you are too and you would really like to just have a gay friend to talk to? And ask if he'd be interested in just seeing if the two of you could be friends? Or something like that? Just some thoughts. ---------- Post added 23rd Nov 2016 at 06:51 PM ---------- OBTW, could the reason that he didn't follow you back on Instagram be that he simply doesn't know who you are?
Baby, this has nothing to do with your question. I'm not gay, I have little experience (other than hanging around with gay guys during my teenage years), and my trans son is 30. My concern is for your welfare. Are you alright since you've gone to live with your grandma? Are your parents still offering financial support? Does your grandma know and accept the fact that you are gay? I do hope that your parents come around eventually. (*hug*)
Quantumreality, thanks for your advice, but I feel like if I just text on the premise of being friends then we will stay as friends, whereas I want a real relationship, so I don't know if it'll work. And also, he probably didn't follow back bc he didn't know who I was. tgboymom, thank you for caring and asking . My grandmother knows I gay but is not ok with it, and I've put her under the impression that I'm not ok with it. We also live with my aunt, who has no clue but wouldn't be ok with it if she knew. It's really hard on me (you can see any of my previous posts) because I've had a lot of unfortunate things happen to me in the past year and it's hard for me to recover from it all
Hey JAA1297, You're putting the cart before the horse. There is no future for a serious relationship with him (or anyone else) unless you can be friends first. You have to have common interests, compatible personalities, be able to communicate openly, etc in order to have a real relationship. If you can't be friends, the only relationship you are likely to have (if any) would be to hookup. If the only thing that you have in common is that you are physically attracted, that wouldn't really be much of a relationship would it? Does that makes sense? You might want to check out this thread about a failed relationship, as well. You may find useful info about relationships there. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/221309-getting-over-him-long-story.html I hope this helps.
I think you can just ask him out--if you've got the courage. It might go somewhere, it might not but in my experience, both being asked out and asking people out, people are generally flattered--and you'll never know if you don't try. As far as the getting to know each other as friends first, I can see both sides of that one. On the one hand I think there's a tendency when first coming out to assume that you would be compatible with someone simply because you are both gay--and I do see that a bit in the fact that you say you really like him and yet don't really seem to have interacted much. Getting to know him as a friend would break through some of that. You may find that you would like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend. On the other hand I feel a bit the way you do about sort of inadvertently ending up just friends. Plus if that really isn't what you're after I'm always a fan of simply being honest with people about where you're at and what you want. I can say that in my life I've dated people that I was friends with first and I've dated people where it was romantic from the get go. I've seen friendship bloom into romance and romance turn into friendship (I almost typed "fade into friendship" but the fact of the matter is that many of my best friends started as more romantic relationships and I wouldn't want to diminish where we ended up). If the relationship is to be fully successful you're going to end up as both romantic partners and friends. You can get there in either order but in my experience romance first is probably better. Maybe it's just because it's more exciting, maybe it's because that's how I met my husband, but that was the path that was generally more successful for me. However you do it, my main advice would be to do it. Start a lifetime of going after the things you want. Good luck!
