Need help defending myself against my moms weird opinions

Welcome to EC.

I think that homophobes and transphobes who refuse to accept that they are such can be worse to put up with than outright haters, at least you are allowed to walk away from blatant haters. For me, the best thing that you can do when anyone makes an antiLGBT+ comment is to let them know that it is wrong. When they claim with whatever microagression that they are not because of (*whatever*) the same that your mother did the best response to that is "That right there was homo/trans phobic", they will likely deny it and then you just have to move on and accept that either you have a homo/transphobic in your life or that you have to cut them out of your life.

 

Hey perhaps you could try and get some information or leaflets from somewhere like PFLAG so that you have something to give her if it comes up again.

 

I agree with @Aspen. Ask her what she means.

Many people say they are not homophobic, when all evidence is to the contrary, so ask her to clarify what specifically it is that she finds offensive. It's not confrontational to ask for an explanation.

In reality, she probably is as homophobic as you suspect and just can't bring herself to admit it, but if she's required to provide a better explanation she will at least have to think about it.

 

So I know this is a month too late, but I just joined EC and I've had this image saved to my phone for a while because this comment caught me off guard the first time I heard my mum say it too!

 

I think @Aspen's advice and @BonaDrag's meme articulate the situation perfectly. The latter, however, would come across somewhat combative, which if you're trying to get your mother to understand, it's probably best to avoid that particular tactic. ^^;

I can empathize with your situation, though; my in-laws (specifically my MIL) are very homophobic and claim otherwise despite all evidence to the contrary. I do find there is a certain sense (preferably coming from other LGBTQ+ people) to not making one's sexual orientation their primary or sole personality trait; we're more than the sum of our parts, after all, and there's more to us than immutable characteristics. That said, when someone like your mother says it, it can be taken for granted that they don't actually know anyone who makes their orientation/gender identity their whole personality. Rather, they see someone living life unafraid and unashamed, and find this frustrating and distasteful--because how dare a non-straight person not hate themselves for something they can't help, right?

I digress: asking her for clarification is probably your best bet. But I think it's important that you prepare yourself for the possibility that you won't get through to her. No matter how patiently you explain or discuss things, no matter what resources you might provide--some people aren't interested in changing their minds or their ways.

I hope this isn't one of those situations, though.