Im a 25 year old male and I have been back and forth with my sexuality for some time now. First off let me say Im not freaked out, afraid, or put off by the possibility of being gay or bi; however, I do get an odd feeling when thinking about how others might react (I know who cares). SO, to the point...I have always been attracted to women for as long as I can remember (collected victorias secret magazines my mom threw away, etc); however, once puberty started I noticed a slight shift towards men. It started off as anal masturbation, not with fantasizing about men (probably because I was young and thought it was a bad thought to have). As I got older and more accepting I start leaning harder towards men. At this point I dont have a ton of physical attraction to men off the bat (when I am browsing the gym my eyes first land on women and then the occasional guy); however, once I am intimate its not a problem. I have been with multiple women and since the first one ive slept with ive had some minor sexual problems (trouble getting it up and staying hard; which Ive attributed to anxiety because once Im comfortable that goes away). In looking at porn; I normally dont get an erection with just looking at women, there needs to be some stimulation; however, if i look at a guy i get hard fairly fast and without stimulation. This leads to another puzzling thing, the attraction to men seems to be directed at the penis, not so much the body or face (however, thats changing with times as well too). I like wearing womens clothes from time to time, love panties, and have had thoughts that I could be transgender. Ive been with three guys, only one Ive really liked emotionally. I remember one time durring sex say to myself, IM GAY, but after I finished I had this weird regret thing and ran away (also anal wasnt as fun as I imagined). I consider myself a bottom and couldnt imagine topping. So my big confusion arises from the fact that at first glance I am way more attracted to women than men; however, in the bedroom Im way more attracted to men than women. I am currently in a relationship with a woman and find myself fantasizing more about men (sex seems like Im just going through the paces with her just to do it). One last thing, when I think about sex with women I get a kinda plain oatmeal for breakfast feeling...bleh; whereas, when I think about sex with men its a steak and eggs feeling....excitement. What do you think?
Hello bikekona. A few bits of advice I can throw your way; take what seems ok, toss the rest. I wouldn't focus on porn too much (it's like dreams; while not meaningless, a limited indicator of your real world, person to person attraction). You also shouldn't feel like you have to label yourself as absolutely one thing or another, but at the same time acknowledge that some labels aren't a bad means of communication, and be open to whatever possibility plays out. As for you not enjoying sex with woman, while perhaps not definitive (I've had sex, but I'm not an expert... unfortunately) I'd say that it *is* a factor to consider. After all, there are two people in any relationship, and if you don't enjoy it (or if you don't enjoy getting her to enjoy it) then she will suffer as well. Alrighty...
