Me - was married (final divorce in progress this week) - came out 2 years ago when i was 55 - told a few family members including my Mom and my brother. My Mom seems to really have a hard time with it. We talk but very estranged. She doesn't ask about my life which makes for a very short conversation. We do live about 700 miles apart. But it still hurts. I went to a family reunion a few weeks ago and she barely spoke to me - one day - she literally spoke maybe 5 words altogether... When I came for a visit - my brother thinks I'm "dumb and going to lose everything" and not to talk to Mom (presumedly about my life). Meanwhile, Mom cried to one of my Aunts about this. Instead of coming to me to offer support, et al - my aunt went to my ex-wife to provide prayer and support. And by the way, she hadn't seen my ex-wife in 12 years. I need to make my peace with this. When i do call Mom to see about her - it's awkward and i get into this intense sadness. I feel so disconnected from her. It's impacting my relationship with a man that i'm currently in. I don't think I will ever be back to a close relationship with my mom. Maybe it's helping me just typing this out on this forum. I've posted a few times. I do have family that supports and loves me. Including an Aunt and Uncle. Thanks for listening.... I will be glad to take any advice on how I can move on which is what i'm planning to do.
Hello and welcome. Sorry your have a difficult time with your family accepting your lifestyle. For me i had simular situation with my family, what helped me was. Keeping in mind that ( you are NOT responsible for how others react or how the deal with it.. Don't know if it would help but maybe talking to a LBGT therapist may help. Also there's a page here on EC for family members.. Good luck. Ron
wvbear I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have not told my mom because I am worried about the same sort of reaction even though she has three other gay children and is the poster mom for LGT (I left out the B because she doesn't believe bisexuality is real). I had a brother come out as bisexual and get divorced. He was estranged from my gay friendly family for a couple years. But, eventually, my mom came around and they are now very close again. Sometimes it takes awhile.
I think the most important thing to focus on is accepting yourself. For me, my family didn't come around to acting loving and supportive until I was able to project a loving and supportive attitude myself. Getting caught up in anger or fear of loss can wreak havoc on any relationship. Once I truly accepted my own differences, it's like I offered my family a choice: I'm ok, this is who I am and who I love, I still have love for you as my family, will you take it or leave it? I have a big family. Not everyone came around but it's ok. Everyone has their own lessons to learn in their own time. You can't be the catalyst that will change them all. I know this is the hardest point of coming out, but you can get through it if you can learn to be happy in your own skin and not dependent on others for acceptance. Best of luck to you!
Thanks - I did (and have a counselor) discuss with my counselor today. I think I just need to process it myself, grieve the loss, and move on. My mom may come around but I'm not expecting that to happen. Thanks for your support!
