My Story...

Determining one's orientation can be difficult, especially if it was repressed because people of our generation got the message growing up that gay is bad. For me I remember having crushes on boys as early as elementary school. When I was still in denial, I felt a deep longing when I saw a cute guy. I feel more sparks and fireworks when I'm with guys. These were the clues that were relevant for me in coming to terms that I'm gay.

It's normal for the spark to end after 20 years and be replaced by mature love. You'll need to work at your relationship if you want to rekindle hot passion. From what I've read so far, it's not a slam dunk you are a lesbian who should leave your marriage because you are a lesbian. There are other issues in the marriage that should be worked through (such as what you need to be happy in the relationship) while you figure out your orientation. I agree that once you have a better sense of your orientation, you'll want to be transparent with your husband and have a discussion with him about what that means for your marriage once you figure it out yourself. There are no easy answers here.

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