My Story

Hello everyone. My name is Lexi, I am an 18 year old girl. I am a senior in high school (though I graduate on the 23rd of May) and then will be going to college for graphic design. I am bi, or gay at the very least. I am more interested in girls than guys, but I still am interested in guys somewhat, however I feel as though that can change, so I'm undecided for right now.

For as long as I can remember, which is since about the age of 3, I have been always had an attraction to girls, even before I knew what it meant. I just did. That's why I knowand always known being gay could not be a choice. Of course growing up in a typical "straight society" I quickly learned that girls like boys, and boys like girls. End of story. That was "normal". Even though I still had an attraction to girls, it wasn't something I voiced, because it wasn't "normal". Still, I never thought anything wrong of it.

It wasn't until my pre-teens or early adolescent years I learned that in the Christian religion being gay was a "sin" and that homosexuals will "go to hell". My family was never particularly religious, though my parents did try to be somewhat. They sent me to Vacation Bible School in the summer and so, I was a believer in Christianity. (Now, I would say I'm somewhat spiritual, but not religious.) Now obviously, if we were a big Christian family I think I would have learned being gay was a sin before middle school but I didn't and this initially freaked me out. I knew I liked girls deep down, even if I was in denial about it, and I really thought I was going to hell.

I told my parents this, saying I was afraid that "my friend" was going to hell because she was bi, my parents don't believe in that, but still I wasn't convinced. That was the start of my "what's right and wrong" and "why is christianity this way" and just the start of hating God. Why would God hate something that I couldn't control? Why would He hate me for me? I thought He was supposed to have everlasting love for everyone. That hatred for God lasted for a long time.

I'm thankful to have the parents I have. While they're not totally all for the gay thing, at least they're not against it. My mom thinks it's weird and gross when boys and boys kiss and girls and girls kiss, and my dad thinks people are really only gay because they grew up in a bad environment (haha, okay dad..) but really, it's a step in the right direction. My dad has a sister who's gay, and he still loves her, and they have nothing against gay marriage so it's pretty much good. My brother and sister are both strong supporters of gay people and believe you're born gay and it's not something you can control. So overall, my situation is pretty lucky. However, it'll still be hard to come out to them.

It wasn't until recently, I've started to come out of my denial. It started pretty much when I knew I started falling for this girl... I've had crushes before, but I've never felt this way about someone before. I've told a few friends, the girl I like, and two really close friends of mine. I feel like my sister suspects, and my mom suspects but doesn't want to believe it.

I came here, in order to try to find out who I am for sure before I come out to any more people, especially my family. The hardest thing I'm struggling with is whether I'm gay or bi? I know it's possible to be bi, but it's unlikely to stay that way. As of right now, I'm still attracted to guys, just not as much. What do you guys think? Were any of you bi once then became gay? What are some of your stories? Let me know. I'm curious..