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My son is bi?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Momof5, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. Momof5

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    my son came out to me that he thinks he is bisexual. He is in early 20’s, has not had a sexual experience yet. He has had girlfriends, and said he s attracted to both. I told him I was supportive of whatever he chose, my love doesnt hinge on what he chooses, it’s unconditional. I guess Im just confused, is this a phase? Curiosity? We agreed until he had an experience, and knew for sure, it was between us.
     
  2. Biguy45

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    It could be curiosity. I had some experience when I was a teenager that I put down as curiosity. Many men and boys experiment to some degree. So, that is possible. In my case, however, my same sex attractions were in the back of my mind, kind of gnawing at me, most of my life. I finally accepted that I’m bi when I was in my 40s. Only your son can truly say. At least he is figuring it out in his 20s. He is way ahead of me
     
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  3. InvisibleMisfit

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    When I was coming to terms with my own orientation, I too thought I needed some type of 'experience' in order to validate what I was feeling, but the thing is, the validation, for want of a better word, or acceptance, was something I had to come to internally. I mean, if experimenting is what he feels he has to do, then by all means - he should do it. But I do think it's important to recognize that experience isn't needed with both - or even either - men and women in order for one's sexuality to be valid. If he knows that he feels attraction to them both, if he can wants to do the things with guys that he does with women, then he probably isn't straight.
    I think it's great that you've shown him support and understanding, but I would just like to point out two words you used that, in my experience, feel pretty lousy when directed at my sexuality: "chose" and "phase". I didn't choose to be either of the LGBTQ+ 'things' that I am, and if he is bi, then that's not a choice he's making, either. It's who he is. And bisexuality isn't any more likely to be a phase than being gay or even straight is. "Curiosity" is different - he could be curious (though his admission to being attracted to both makes me inclined to believe otherwise). But "phase" just isn't the best term to throw around in situations like these, if you ask me.
    Anyway, you're doing the right things. You support him and care about him unconditionally, and that's all you can do. He'll come to terms with how he feels, however that might be. Just continue to be there for him as he does.
     
    #3 InvisibleMisfit, Jul 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
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  4. PatrickUK

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    I think your kind and supportive response was perfect and it will have done so much for his self confidence to know that you love him and support him, no matter what. We need more parents like you!

    If I was to ask you, how did you know you were straight and attracted to guys, what would you say? Did you need to have sex in order to know that you were straight? I'm not asking either of these questions to be challenging or aggressive, but it's likely that your own answers directly correspond to the way your son feels. You just know and you don't need to be intimate with someone to confirm it, do you? I realised I was gay around the age of 12 or 13 and that never changed. I was gay then and I'm still gay at 42. It wasn't a phase and I didn't need to have sex to know.

    It can be difficult for parents to process things like this, but you are doing just fine. Continue to be there for him with lots of love and support and he'll work things out in his own way and in his own time. Knowing that you are on his side will make the whole process a lot easier.
     
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  5. Momof5

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  6. RK800

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    Could be a phase, could be curiosity, could be his orientation, really impossible to know for sure. What's important, and what you appear to already be doing quite well, is that you support him, that you're there for him regardless of what it is. Well done!

    However what I will tell you is that you don't have to have sex to know your orientation, did you know you liked men without having sex with them? It's the same for us really.
     
    #6 RK800, Jul 16, 2018
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  7. Momof5

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    Hmmmm thankyou so much. Its funny, i never thought of it that way.
     
  8. Railwayj

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    I agree with this as well. Whether or not one has experience with one sex or another also doesn’t determine what one is sexually. Sometimes people say they are bi and try things with both sexes and then may decide that they really prefer one over the other. Experiences often have to have multiple tries with different individuals to reach an internal decision and that decision may be that, yes in fact they like both sexes equally. They may also decide that “after further study” That they are one or the other gay or straight. I think by age 20 someone more or less knows what they are in their mind, they may just want to go through the experimentation process to prove or disprove it to themselves. Merely my opinion though. Whatever the outcome it’s wll good though!
     
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