My partner is kind of asexual, and its getting complicated

This is such a hard place to be in. I hope that you have a strong network that has your back and that you can use to vent because it is a lot to handle.

From your post, I'm hearing your frustration about the whole situation but not much about how you feel about him as a person. How do you feel? If he didn't have the disability would you still be with him? Do you still love him as a person?

My husband right now has chronic pain due to a herniated disk. We have been dealing with sciatica pain and it has been tough for both of us. Of course nothing like what you are experiencing, but our lives have changed significantly and I have thought a lot about what it means to be a care taker in a marriage. Its sad that there isn't much conversation about this whole thing. Most of the resources I have found are mostly centered around parents taking care of kids with serious illnesses.

For me, I love my husband in a way that I just cannot walk away. But I also know that for this to be long term (it might have to it might not, we have to get surgery soon) certain things have to be in play. We have had to talk about this and find a way for both of us to be supported through the whole thing. It seems from your post that you guys are not talking about this whole thing, which just makes it super hard to deal with.

This is super tricky specially if he is gaining weight due to medication. Have you guys talked about this? Is not just for your sex life, but he needs to stop gaining weight else his medical problems will just get bigger and bigger. Is there any exercise he can do? What is his disability?

The other thing you have to be super strict about is food. Cheat days are no longer a thing in our house because he can't really exercise too much right now. So we have been religious about our food intake. Is this something you can talk to him about?

Dependent on his disability, there is work out there but have to get creative. A lot of people have gone into coding and jobs that you can do from home to cope with lack of money. Hard to say without knowing his disability though.

So couple of thoughts.

1) if you decide to leave, you don't have to cut all contact with him if you don't want. You can support him as a friend, still be there for him, and you guys can figure out a long-term plan so you can "wean" him off your full support.

2) You need to take care of yourself. Are you going through therapy right now? Do you have people in your life that can help you take care of him and also can hear you cry and vent when you need to?

I think its also important to think about what type of life do you want to have. What are the things you would do differently? Can you both get creative on how to get some of those things for you?

I'm really sorry that you are going through so much right now. Really wish that I could give you more than this wall of text.

There are online communities for care takers of certain illnesses and disabilities. I found a great group on reddit that has been a life saver for me.