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My mum thinks that i can only be certain fuck a woman.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013.

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  1. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Re: My mum thinks that i can only be certain unless I f*ck a woman.

    I'd be blunt: agree to have sex with a woman, only when your mother does the same.
    Otherwise, how can she be sure she's heterosexual?
     
    #21 Linthras, Jun 21, 2013
  2. Boyfriend

    Boyfriend Guest

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    Re: My mum thinks that i can only be certain unless I f*ck a woman.

    :roflmao:

    OMG you need to get an award for this.
     
    #22 Boyfriend, Jun 21, 2013
  3. Ettina

    Ettina
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    You're lucky. Most guys I've told don't believe me. They seem to take it as a challenge, to try to wear me down into going out with them so they can prove to me that I'm not asexual.
     
    #23 Ettina, Jun 21, 2013
  4. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Re: My mum thinks that i can only be certain unless I f*ck a woman.

    Nah, I'm not the first to think of this response. :icon_bigg
     
    #24 Linthras, Jun 21, 2013
  5. pinklov3ly

    pinklov3ly
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    Well, I'm not surprised that your Mom thinks that. She's surely not the only one because during my questioning phase, it's what I did in order to sort my feelings out. It only left me even more confused and left the men I was with heart broken. However, I was up front about my feelings for women. For those people who do not understand us, they think being gay is all about sex, but it's much more than that. Like, for me, most guys think that they can change me if we have sex. If anything, their ignorance pisses me off!

    Stand your ground, and please do not give into her and you'll be fine.
     
    #25 pinklov3ly, Jun 21, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2013
  6. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Thanks:slight_smile: I won't give in to what she's asking. It wouldn't be fair to anyone... I've always been honest with myself and acknowledged my feelings. My denial was sth that i did semi-subcontiously so when i realised I had such feeling(as you said not just sexually) I very quickly came to terms with it(relatively quickly:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:).

    I know how I feel and how I want to live my lie and I need no reassurance/double checking...

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 11:51 AM ----------
    You sir are awesome!! :grin: :eusa_clap

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 11:53 AM ----------
    I totally agree. THNX :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2013 at 12:01 PM ----------
    She's answered me that... It's the same reason noone "wants to be" gay*... Because it's a hard life,the prejudice,the bullying,the small dating pool:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: etc etc
    She's wayy too realistic about it:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    * of course if you are, you realize how awesomely awesome being in a relationship with the same sex is...so.............:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    anyways:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #26 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 22, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2013
  7. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    Like the prejudice and bullying she's currently subjecting you too?

    Pointing this out to her might make her back off or put her on the defensive, if that desirable.

    Todd
     
    #27 AKTodd, Jun 22, 2013
  8. Sardonic

    Sardonic
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    You could tell her what I told one of my best friends... "you know I tried to be straight. I really did. I sat down and thought about that girl, just for you, but I got a stiffie just thinking about her brother. I know you want me to live a "normal" life, but my dick > your concerns."

    Hopefully your mom has a decent sense of humor.

    EDIT: In all seriousness, my aunt asked a similar question, wondering how it was possible to be bisexual. I explained to her that I would be happy with anyone who made me happy regardless of their gender. She thought of it as a deciding stage. I had to explain to her that switch hitters are the most valuable batters on any baseball team.

    Just tell your Mom that you get the hots for guys. You don't have to be in a relationship to get an erection, and that's all you need to know that you're into guys
     
    #28 Sardonic, Jun 22, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2013
  9. Nemo39122

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    Got any female friends you're out to that would be willing to go out on a "date" with you, just to I guess prove to your mom that you're gay?
    If you do, just go hang out for awhile, tell your mom it was a date, and that you were right all along lol
    Or you could go out with a girl you're not out to, but I understand wanting to avoid feeling like you're deceiving her by hiding that you're gay.

    Good luck
     
    #29 Nemo39122, Jun 23, 2013
  10. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Hey guys....
    I think i might start a new thread for what I'm about to tell you but i don't know...it's on the same subject...

    I had...another talk with my mum today... If AAAALL she's told me up until now is not enough she....said some other things... I'm really upset at the moment and can't focus on anything else...

    She talked to me about this other friend of hers(that I now think has made her VERY homophobic and biased on the whole things and has made her reaction the horror that it is..anyways..) that he had a veery long relationship with a woman and successfully had sex with her and made a choice to not be with a woman. She said that he could have married her and then have sex with men on the side and not have to go through all the things he did.... (And not only did she use the "c" word,but she also implied that i have been brainwashed by the internet to believe that it "isn't" a choice)

    After that she told me that it's completely normal to have fantasies about having se with a man and not being gay. That many straight men have fantasies about other men... (I actually feel stupid for not telling her I'm dating someone to get her to shut up...)

    If that wasn't enough she insists that I remain closeted for a VERRRRY long time,because and i quote "It would harm me professionally". I currently live abroad so when I implied I wasn't gonna hide it there she said "So you wanna go there and be sissy?"

    The best part is that she wants me to go to a psychologist to sort my feelings out and find out if I'm gay or not... I told her that the only reason I would go is so that HE could help HER accept reality... Bottom line,probably on July I'll go to a shrink! It feels like she wants me to go to conversion therapy...

    All that has made me realize that I'm not dealing with my mother,but instead a bigot,a person who's stayed in the middle ages and certainly not someone I can share my life with...

    What's your take on all this? What should I do? I think a psychologist could really help her understand because I don't know what else I can say....! I've said it all!
    (sorry for the long post..)
     
    #30 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 23, 2013
  11. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Going to play doctor Phil for a bit: "This right here tells me that you are not concerned with your child's wellbeing, at all. You are only looking out for your own reputation."

    I'm serious, from what you've written it seems to be all about her own image and reputation.
    If I were you I'd try to get in contact with a local LGBT support group. Maybe you can get someone, preferably a counsellor, to have a talk with you and your mother.

    Just remember this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are a beautiful human being, experiencing love. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that.
     
    #31 Linthras, Jun 23, 2013
  12. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Thank you very much or your kind comment...:slight_smile:
    That's what I want to do by seeking for a psychologist who specializes on this area...
    Unfortunately there's no LGBT support group near us so a psychologist who deals with this stuff is the closest thing I can get for her....:/
     
    #32 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 23, 2013
  13. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Could you perhaps tell in which general area you live? Maybe someone will know of an LGBT support center close by.
     
    #33 Linthras, Jun 24, 2013
  14. FemCasanova

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    Tell her you`ll fuck a woman, if she does.

    If she gets all "What? I have no interest in women," or something similar, ask her how she knows if she`s never tried it.

    Her argument is deflated right there.

    *hugs*!

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2013 at 04:48 AM ----------

    :roflmao: Lol, guess we`re several who wants the member to give it to her bluntly :eusa_clap

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2013 at 04:50 AM ----------
    This is a great idea, if she is willing to do it.
    And if she isn`t, or backs out, give her some time. She`ll come around eventually. You are who you are, and even if she needs some time to accept that, it doesn`t have to hinder your own acceptance, which is the most important acceptance out there.

    (*hug*)
     
    #34 FemCasanova, Jun 24, 2013
  15. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    I don't feel comfortable doing so but I've done some extensive research and there's nothing...:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I found a help line,I'm thinking about calling them...

    I'm really worried because I didn't think she was homophobic,but I think she is....:/ and if her love for me can't help be shed those views,then might as well get an expert to talk to her because all I can do is stare at her and not believe my ears! The things she says... I don't recognize her,it's not her at all! It's hard guys,it's hard...

    I think it was a mistake coming out to her,I overestimated her maybe...:/

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2013 at 02:13 PM ----------
    Again,the woman is stubborn! The reason why she thinks I'm not sure is because I haven't had any experience with a man either. So in her mind, I don't know if I'll like it since I haven't tried it. So how do I know?
    Now, why she believes I won't like it..?! Could finding it disgusting have anything to do with it...?! It's a wild guess..!!

    I wouldn't even (EVER!) consider an expert if i thought she would listen to anything I have to say.... And she has explicitly told me she won't listen to what I say because she KNOWS she's right... She doesn't have any arguments she's willing to let go... no! She just knows. And from what I've heard of her she won't believe me when I say I'm gay because I haven't tried it yet...

    As you're guessing my mum's a VERY difficult person to live with besides all that:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


    Although.... I could play stubborn too!! I could ignore her and follow your advise....
    This could actually work. She doesn't have to believe me! She just has to realize that I'm not backing down either so she'll let the whole thing go...!
    So if I do what you say she might actually drop the subject because she will realize I'm as stubborn as she is......!?!?!?!

    (Please someone tell me I'm gonna come out a good person after all this psuchological torture and mind games because I think not..:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:PPPP)
    This all feels so surreal:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Anyways,sorry again for the long post..:/

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2013 at 02:14 PM ----------


    I will,I've made my choice:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #35 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 24, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2013
  16. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Understandable. Don't give up though. We're here for you. (*hug*)
     
    #36 Linthras, Jun 24, 2013
  17. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    She was actually talking about me there not her. She's got it to her mind that coming out will damage MY professional career...
    Why was I born in a crazy family?! Why?!
     
    #37 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 24, 2013
  18. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    Ah, I see. Still seems she's more worried about keeping up appearances than your personal health and hapiness.
     
    #38 Linthras, Jun 24, 2013
  19. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Of course! What do you think "Don't tell absolutely anyone and if you do, tell them to not tell anyone or your friendship is over"
    She actually suggested I blackmail the people I tell!!

    This could be another wild guess,but I get the feeling she's not handling things very well...?!
     
    #39 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 24, 2013
  20. robotman

    robotman
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    Amazing reply, it actually made me "LOL" haha!

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2013 at 12:29 AM ----------

    I don't want to sound naive but how would you even get it up for a girl/woman if you are gay? I always wondered about this because I am gay and I thought about being with girls before but it just does nothing for me down their. It just makes me wonder how some people are in relationships with women when they know they are gay.
     
    #40 robotman, Jun 24, 2013
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