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My Mother told me I'm a freak..

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by IronyIsMySkill, Mar 19, 2016.

  1. IronyIsMySkill

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    After looking around for some binders and such and hearing advice about how to convince a parent to allow you to get one I tried. I told my Mother it was for cosplay. Which is pretty believable since I cosplay and mostly do male characters. She ended up telling me no and saying that she was stopping me from being dumb. But, my dysphoria has been extremely bad lately, especially around my chest area. I confronted her about 10 minutes later asking why she would care if I even wore one. She told me "God gave you boobs for a reason." I ended up blowing up my plan on the cosplay lie by getting emotional and not thinking. I told her how much I hated my chest. How it bothered me. I told her that's the reason I always wear sports bras. She didn't care.

    Later the discussion happened again. She ended up saying that no one will ever love me if I bind my chest or anything of that nature. She also told me I was a freak and said "You can be a freak all you want when you are 18 and out of my house."

    I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying.
     
  2. Lee15

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    I am so sorry this happened to you, that's awful. I can't bind either because my Dad would probably react the same way. I hope you know that none of the things she said were true, you are not a freak for wanting to bind your chest and there is nothing wrong with you. I don't know what else to say but if you ever need to talk feel free to send me a private message anytime. Hang in there (*hug*)
     
  3. BradThePug

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    I'm sorry that your mom told you those things. I can assure you that there are people out there that love transgender people. Wanting to bind and hating your chest does not make you a freak. You don't "have boobs for a reason". It's your body, and you can decide how you want to present it.

    I would be careful though, because she may try to push the issue more now that she knows that you want to bind. So, I would try to keep your guard up for a bit.
     
  4. TheSideKick

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    (*hug*) There there friend, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Parents say things that aren't true because they're confused or frustrated. So know that your mother is fibbing when she says all those things about you. You're such an amazing person that anyone who ends up with you would feel so lucky. For now there is not much to say or do except to let it all calm down so if you need to cry go ahead or if you want to vent to someone you can send me a message on my wall. And you know what? I'll give you these:

    [YOUTUBE]PmRzBm_36Qg[/YOUTUBE]

    [YOUTUBE]OkvVr6n1cGk[/YOUTUBE]

    This are the songs I listen to when I'm sad and I thought you might like them. You don't have to listen to them if you don't want to, but they're here. It'll be okay friend, just hold on.
     
  5. lnamae

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    Hey (*hug*)

    I'm sorry to hear about this, and you're obviously not any of those things your mum said, but it can be hurtful when a parent says things like that. You look up to them, for love and support and when that's not given it can be really upsetting. The main thing is, she probably doesn't understand. And unfortunately, you can tell her how you feel, but you're limited in how you can change her thoughts. There's nothing wrong with you -- just because you're not comfortable with being who others expect you to be, doesn't mean that who you are is wrong.

    You can double up on sports bras. Just whatever you do, if you can't get a binder, don't bind unsafely. If there's a gender center around, or a counselor you can talk to, they may be able to help you get a binder, or sign up for some program. There's a heap of programs in the US if you search online too. Here's a few links from a quick check:

    FTME Free Youth Binder Program – FtM Essentials

    Binder Giveaways | Free Donated Chest Binder | Point 5cc

    TransGuys - Where to Get Free or Reduced Price Chest Binders

    In a Bind | TransActive Gender Center

    You can always sneak them on once you've left the house?

    Listen to your favourite music, go for a run, do both, just do something that makes you feel awesome and less down about this. You can get through it, you're amazing as you are. Sometimes things suck, but you don't have to feel sorry at all for who you are.
     
    #5 lnamae, Mar 19, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2016
  6. Invidia

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    That's so awful. :frowning2: I'm so sorry to hear that she said that to you. I imagine it must have really hurt. I want to give you a big hug. *hug*

    Know that it gets better - you won't have to deal with this stuff forever, and the day will come when you're free to make your own decisions regardless of your parents' approval.
     
  7. AngelDragonfly

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    No......just no. Every person is unique and wonderful. I'm sorry that your mother can't see what a wonderful person you are. I'd just say take a break. However long you like. Then decide on your feelings. Evaluate the situation- are you going to be kicked out if you insist? -are you going to be financially dependent on your mom? -are you going to be heartbroken if she cuts off contact? Then you'll probably want to re-evaluate and decide what it is worth to you. Then, if it's worth it, decide how you'll pull it off. Maybe you can compromise, on anything. Ask her what bothers her. Is it colliding with religious beliefs? Is it making her feel ashamed? If anything goes wrong, just be sure you will have enough to be independent (sleeping at a friend's house if you are 18+, have enough money, etc.) for at *least* a few days, or however long you think it will take for her to get over this. Or you could express who you are in other ways until you are 18, accepting that it might be a long and painful journey for you and that you have to grin and bear it. Either one. Or think of whatever you can to make you happy, and figure out a strategy. There's a lot of different ways to approach this one.

    You are a beautiful person, just for accepting how you are. (*hug*):slight_smile:(!)
     
  8. Mr Spock

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    First off, the only biological reason anyone has breasts is to provide milk to their offspring. And since someone invented formula milk technically breasts aren't needed.

    It's also not true that people won't love you. That's just a lie.

    But at least yours only called you a freak. Mine told me it was the devil in my mind. -_-
     
  9. jaska

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    Your mother is being a fart head, don't listen to her, don't let her make you feel bad. Give yourself some space from her and be with people who don't treat you like shit, otherwise they are not worth your company. Stuff like this makes me want to just get all the transgender people everywhere and just have one giant hug. I'm very sorry your mum is treating you like this and its not fair and you don't deserve it. Maybe watch some youtube videos on dealing with this or videos of people in similar situations? Look after yourself, make some tea :slight_smile:
     
  10. SAYGEUR

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    I think your strength to talk to her about it is tremendous, however im so so so sorry to hear that she insulted you in the process. She has no right to tell you how you display comftably. You are amazing for talking about it, I mean I still haven't yet with my parents in any format even though I really want to.

    Your strength is amazing, and I admire you for it :slight_smile: Keep strong and know that there are heaps of people including myself that are here to listen and to help where we can. You can find me around here from now as I really love the community and want to keep around :slight_smile: Hopefully see you soon!
     
  11. Nike007

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    Hello. Sorry your mom called you that. I have been called dumb things about my mental illnesses I have that my mom doesn't understand. I haven't come out as a non-binary gender, so I have no stories or advice about that. My main advice is if you have a friend that is willing to buy the item for you and you pay for it. If it is unsafe to wear it though for your own safety to not be homeless or not afford stuff, wait unless you feel you are in a dangerous situation about yourself, then go find a therapist who would be able to understand your needs. I'm sorry that happened to you. Hope you feel better :slight_smile:.
     
  12. RainbowGreen

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    I'm sorry to hear that :frowning2:

    Parents can say the meanest things... The worst is, they don't always realize how much it hurts when THEY are the ones saying it. None of what she said is true. Binding your chest doesn't make you a freak. Some cis girls even do it. It is your body and you have the right to make what you want of it.

    Also, everyone has the potential to be loved. Those who would judge you for wearing a binder are not worth it anyway.

    *hugs*
     
  13. FootballFan101

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    (*hug*) were on your side friend