My husband doesn't like his genital surgery

I think you're already doing something nice by being so patient. My advice is to just keep doing that. Listen to concerns, be patient, and be supportive of decisions.

 

Right now it seems that you are doing all that you can do. Reassurance is something that for sure helps in these situations. You are also being supportive, and that is awesome as well.

 

Dysphoria is insanely difficult to deal with and I've heard that a lot of trans guys when they have lower surgery actually feel worse after the first stage (meta) because of how it looks, so it's not uncommon. Its the second stage where everything starts to look and feel 'right'. You're doing all you can by supporting him and trying to reassure him where you can. All I can suggest is be patient and maybe help him find support groups of people that understand and are going through the same process as him so he doesn't feel like he's the only one to feel this way.

 

You sound like you’re being a very supportive partner honestly. I think one problem with this kind of thing is.... whether or not we want to, we all internally have expectations about how we think our bodies are going to look with any changes we implement on them, and they’re just never going to turn out 100% like that. Even when getting tattoos and piercings and haircuts.... I think there’s always a part of me that envisions it slightly differently beforehand, and I always have slight regret and am slightly let down, but I just try to remind myself that this isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a reminder that we’re all pretty mortal and tangible and there are limitations to our reality, and I can always change it again later too and work with what I have, and it’s ability to keep being changed is what keeps me looking forward to continue exploring and discovering. Some people interpret this in a spiritual light but some not; but ultimately the fact that we can actually foresee the change we want to make in the world and then cause so much of it at all, or learn about how to enact it, is still pretty amazing. We just can’t help that we’re not “ideal” and there will always be little bits of disconnect between our perception and reality. But, who is to say that made our perception fake or wrong? We still envisioned our change and made it possible for others to see that as well. This is just what I try and think about when I remember / notice little regrets or things that make me uncomfortable in reality.... it’s grounding for me to remind myself that we’re all just tangible flesh suits that will die one day and it’s amazing enough that we can enact any type of change at all. You can use this to remind you that we’re more than our bodies and beyond them because of our ability to see this way, or it can remind you that all we are all small, finite moments in time that will eventually pass, so it’s pretty amazing just how much we can do and how many people’s views of us we can affect in that time. I try and accept that I’ll never be exactly how I see myself either, because I was just born this way and it wasn’t really up to me, but I can try my best to make living comfortable for myself, I think comfort is just my number one goal....