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My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m trans.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by KennedyM, Aug 10, 2018.

  1. KennedyM

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So I recently came out as transgender to everyone a few days ago and I was so happy and relieved and my girlfriend was happy for me also, but 2days after I came out, she told me she can’t be with me because she can’t see herself with a man. This hurt me a lot. Even though she said she liked me a “person” she can’t be with me because I’m now male.
     
  2. Aberrance

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Out to everyone
    Hey man, that's a shitty situation to be in, I'm sorry that she broke up with you. To look at it with a silver lining though she was true to herself and true to you. If she's a lesbian and refuses to identify as anything else it would be unfair of her to stay with you, as if she did you'd know she wouldn't see you as a guy. She sees you as a man which is important and she's respecting your identity no matter how much it might hurt the two of you. She's happy that you've found yourself but it just means that she isn't the right person for you and vice versa. She sounds like a good friend though so if you feel as though you can I'd definitely try and stay in touch.
     
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  3. AlexJames

    Regular Member

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    gosh thats a shitty situation to be in. Idk what to say tbh. I've never dated cause of this whole being a closeted trans dude situation. I just want you to know that me & everyone else here loves you and accepts you for who you are. You'll never face judgement or ridicule or rejection from us.
     
    Hillary B likes this.
  4. Linning

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    Like @Aberrance said, your (ex) girlfriend isn't actually rejecting your identity, she is "validating" it.
    She is actually telling you that she is supportive and that because she knows you are man and is fully supportive of you transitionning towards the male body you would love to have, she also knows she has to let you go. It wouldn't be fair on you to expect you to remain physically female just to please her, and it wouldn't be fair on her to expect her to stay with a man when she is only into women.

    She didn't break up with you because you are "trans" at all, she broke up with you because you are a man and she just happens to be a lesbian.

    Don't take it personally and try to see the good side of things: it's much easier to find straight girls to date than queer ladies.

    Good luck on your upcoming journey!
     
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  5. Loves books

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    It's an unusual situation but I can see where she's coming from. In the same situation I'd have done the same. She's totally seeing you as male and that's why she broke up with you, she likes girls but you are a guy. It also has to be a little weird for her to have her girlfriend suddenly say I'm actually a boyfriend.She can't expect you to stay female for her and you can't expect her to try and be straight for you. You were both born this way and can hopefully remain friends.
     
  6. AbsoluteNerd

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    Location:
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    Bisexual
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    Some people
    To echo what others are saying here, let me tell you a story:

    I had been dating this girl for a while, and I decided to come out to her. She was happy for me, even said she was bi and had no issues with it. Fast forward a couple months, she's still having trouble remembering the name I chose for myself when we're alone or over messaging. I confronted her about this, and she breaks up with me, saying, "I was kinda hoping you would forget about the whole trans thing? You know, just be a guy for me?"

    So, be glad you aren't in a situation where she still sees you as someone you aren't
     
    Aberrance likes this.
  7. Hillary B

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    I know this is going to sound a bit off message but I can't help it. I am genderfluid/ I am was a hetero man now I am a trans woman much of the time - how does this have a bearing? My sexuality is changing? So I fancy men when I am a woman? It is true to a large extent. So sorry I am trying to help but to get back to your point good luck and it could be your gf is trying to help you. But sounds like she cudda been more helpful the way she did it..