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My Dr won't refer me to a gynaecologist

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by ShyBirdy, Apr 2, 2021.

  1. ShyBirdy

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    I've been trying for years to get my Dr to refer me to a gynaecologist. I was originally diagnosed by a different Dr with Polycystic Ovarian syndrome (PCOS), and I've been having some problems with it, but my current Dr can't find any evidence that I have the disorder (probably cuz the meds I'm on are working fairly well). I also have absolutely no libido at this point - it's been steadily declining for years, and is now at the point where I'm pretty "dead down there."

    Whenever I ask about the libido- I'm told it doesn't matter cuz I'm not dating anyone. But no libido means I don't really get attracted to anyone anymore. Plus, what's the point of dating if I can't have sex with anyone anyway- who would even want to date me or stick around while I try and figure out what's going on?

    Last time I asked to see a gynaecologist, he insisted I get a Pap smear first. A different, female Dr did the Pap, but wasn't able to do it bcuz it was too painful for me. As I was getting ready to leave, I overheard her asking my regular Dr why he wanted me to get a Pap, and kinda calling him out on it and saying it was unnecessary or and I shouldn't be put thru that. And then he told me I didn't need to see a Gyn and didn't even do the referral. That was at least 3 years ago.

    My therapist is also recommending I get a referral to a women's health specialist or gynaecologist- she thinks there's more serious stuff going on. But I'm going to have to fight my Dr (therapist suggested lying to him lol)

    I'm pretty angry and upset about this right now, cuz I literally feel like I've lost years of life to this. (I also have mental and physical health problems too that have delayed my ability to date and stuff) So I'm feeling like I've just wasted so much time, that I can't get back. Plus, I'm really worried I'll never be able to get my libido back, or that the problems might be permanent or unfixable.

    Sorry this is so long, I just really need to vent. Are there any other women who have dealt with no libido? Any suggestions would be helpful.
     
  2. Really

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    Hey. That doesn’t sound right. Can you find a new GP? You should be able to ask for referrals and be accommodated without hassle. Is your doctor in a shared office? Could you go to someone else at the same clinic? Or even contact that gynaecologist for a recommendation? I know it’s a pain in the neck but it sounds like you’ve put up with his inaction for long enough.
    Another thought. If you have a teaching hospital in your city, they might have a family practice setup where student doctors pass through and I think you get longer appointments and I suspect they probably go deeper into issues as they need to teach/learn all the ins and outs of patient issues. Just a thought. Good luck.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    You need a different doctor, this doctor should not be seeing patients. As far as who could you date while having this issue? Anyone who is asexual, demisexual or a patient decent person. I would wait while someone has issues and my boyfriend waited while we got to know each other and even after we were officially in a relationship.

    I went years with no desire at all due to a couple of issues in combination and now have interest for my boyfriend. It is possible. You also say that you are on certain meds for your PCOS, often meds have effects on libido and adjusting them can help that issue. Of course, this means seeing the specialist again. I second doing whatever you need to get a different doctor or as your therapist says lie to your current jackass of an incompetent doctor to see a competent person (heavy preference for getting a decent doctor instead of this one) (I have had to "doctor shop" before, doctors are human and thus not perfect and some simply will not do a proper job for certain people).
     
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  4. ShyBirdy

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    Thank you @QuietPeace and @Really

    It's nice to get some feedback that what my current Dr is doing is disrespectful. I will probably try and get a referral from him to a GYN first, then look at finding a new Dr after that. It's very difficult where I live to find a new Dr- there's a Dr shortage here. Plus, I do have more complex medical issues and my current Dr at least had talked to another specialist I had seen, and knows what to do with some of the meds I'm on. I don't think he's incompetent, but he's definitely dismissive of some of my issues.

    And thanks QuietPeace for thinking it's ok to lie to my Dr to get the referral lol.
     
  5. QuietPeace

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    Many doctors are dismissive of issues for women, persons of color or LGBT+ persons and if they have an intersection of multiples of those it is often even worse. In my opinion that makes those doctors incompetent however well they may treat some persons or issues.
     
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  6. Shorthaul

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    I agree with everyone else just find a new doctor and call up a gynecologist yourself, as I don't think you need a referral to see one.
     
  7. Chip

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    I would absolutely find a new doctor.

    I would also consider, once you have done so, filing a formal complaint with the medical board. There is NO REASON your doctor should not be giving you a referral. However, there might be a financial reason: Some doctors (if you're in the US) are paid under capitation arrangements where they receive a flat fee for each patient each year, and they are only allowed so many referrals to specialists per 100 patients, and otherwise they get penalized. So there is a strong disincentive to refer to specialists.

    This is one of many problems with the US for-profit healthcare system, but is no excuse for getting substandard care.

    If for some reason you find it difficult to change physicians, letting your physician's office manager (or your physician) know that you have been advised to file a complaint with the medical board will almost certainly have them scurrying around to get you a referral and an appointment immediately.
     
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  8. ShyBirdy

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    Luckily I live in Canada- so that shouldn't be the problem. I will definitely start looking for a new Dr, as this hasn't been the only problem he's been dismissive of. Which is especially worrying, since I do have existing medical issues.
     
  9. Chip

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    Once you find a new physician, it might well be worth filing a complaint. If he's doing this in multiple domains of your treatment, he's really not doing his patients a service and he should get some coaching/training for it.
     
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  10. joantucker

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    I am looking for a good clinic because I have health problems