It happened a few days ago and I don't know exactly what it was that did it but I realised how alone I am, and now everything is making it worse. I just think that I'm alone and always will be, I'm missing out on life. I usually only post on here when things aren't going well, and they aren't. I usually don't think about finding someone because I know it will happen when it does but all of a sudden I feel alone. I feel like I'm missing out on being with someone and I don't think it will ever happen. Im starting to think I'll never find a guy and like what I want doesn't matter. All of these thought I had are coming back and I feel empty. I feel like I should ignore that I'm gay and just be alone. I just feel like Im lost and it doesn't matter. As a reference last summer there was a pride event/parade nearby and I wanted to go but I didn't because I thought it wasn't important. I didn't want to ask anyone to go with me and I thought it would have been sad to go alone so I just didn't go. It's something I wanted to do but it didn't matter nothing I want to do like that ever matters. I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. When I see gay couples in love I know that's something I won't have and it brings me down. And I "know" I will never have that because I don't know how to be gay, I wake up go to work as a technician at a small dealership and come home the most venturing out I do it going to the grocery store for maybe 45 min and go home. I just don't see an outcome in that where I find someone. I wish all these thought would go away and I could be happy again, and I'm sorry if this seems like a rant.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll be able to find someone one day. You won't always be alone. The biggest thing I see holding you back is that you said all you do is go to work and then come home. I used to do that too so I completely understand, but it's important that you go out and do other things if you want to meet people. I've been venturing out more and it's really amazing how many nice people I've met in just a few months of being more social. Today for example, literally 3 hours ago, I went to get a haircut and the cashier was a girl I knew in middle school but haven't seen in 7 years. We talked for a long time catching up and now are friends again. That would never have happened if I had just stayed home like I wanted to today. I made myself go out and do something even though it was just a haircut, and that simple thing allowed me to meet someone I wouldn't have otherwise.
