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My 20 year old son just came out to me and I feel....

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by JakersMom, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. brainwashed

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    Interesting. Yout son's traits sound very similar to mine when I was in high school. The exception is, I had attractions to guys in high school but didn't know what that meant.

    The forum thread has been fun and informative. I've learned a lot.
     
    #41 brainwashed, Nov 24, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2017
  2. silverhalo

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    No worries. I think it's easier for me to see it because I didn't know myself. My girlfriend who knew but repressed it for a while struggles to understand how I possibly couldn't of known so I think it depends on our own experiences.
     
  3. JakersMom

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    I wanted to start a new thread but messed it up, so Ill continue here with a question for all that might want to respond.....

    Last weekend my son came out to his buddies. It sounds like it went well, but in my imagination no one can really knows until he lives life around them with his reveal. My heart hopes that nothing changes for him because he is happy! Fear and reality tells me that not everyone will treat him the same and he will feel it. That is the nature of the beast I suppose and I will be here if he needs.

    My reason for writing is for my own selfish reasons. I have kept this under wraps because it hasn't been MY story to tell. I have a need to talk about it because I hate secrets, especially when faced with a moment where I have to avoid or stretch the truth. But, even though he has started his journey of coming out, he has yet to tell his Dad. I'm torn between my own need to share it with people close to me, and the respect that I have for him and his timing.

    When is it ok to talk about it? I suppose the answer is to ask him, and that is most likely what I will do, but there is a part of me that feels very gagged and restricted and its VERY hard.

    Being a loyal and loving parent is difficult, especially if you consider we have our own needs to deal in our own way.

    JakersMom
     
  4. emilyplaziac22

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    Hi Jakersmom, i am a 23 year old woman who was ousted while still figuring out i liked girls, i was raised a Jehovah's witness, now some say it is bad, i don't think so, it is strict and generally anti gay practicing meaning you cant act on attraction to same sex, so for me being outed was EXTREMELY upsetting



    , i kinda roundabout came out to a girl id been friends with since we were young she is about a year younger this was almost 2 years ago now, she told her mom And the elders in my hall, who told me they needed to talk to me w my mother, who is very homophobic and judgemental about anything she doesn't like, so i think she thinks i was just trying to get attention, she just looked dumbfounded really haven't talked much, but she seemed to increase her anti gay comments after finding out, when gay stuff was on TV she would comment on how gross it it, i have Aspergers, i was adopted by maternal aunt at birth, i still live at home, am on disability, currently don't have a liscence working on getting one, have a 7 year old brother with medium severity autism, and am stuck knowing i can never have a relationship w a woman, my biological mom accepts my sexuality, but she lives in Az and i live in Mo, and most times i dont want to have any association with witneses, but if i don't keep pretending i will lose my home, my family, and any friends i have, which actually i have no friends outside witnesses except maybe one...kinda, besides on here of course



    , i have no hope to ever live my life how i want to live it, so if anything, be glad you are a good kind person who loves their son enough he can be fully himself around you, having to hide even a small part of yourself, which i hide betwen 75% and 85% of myself every hour of every day, u gave your son the best gift you could have given him, you love and acceptance, and hope, for the future, that he can have a boyfriend, and that you will probably want to meet his special someone☺.
     
  5. Chip

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    Hi,

    It's been a bit of time now, and your son sounds pretty mature, so it seems like it would be very reasonable for you to go to your son and just directly talk about the bind it puts you in, between two people you love and care about. Talk about the concerns or fears he has, and perhaps he would like you to tell him, or perhaps he'd like to write him a note or letter or something.

    It should be his call, but he should also be considerate of you and your situation, and hopefully be willing to work with you on that.

    As for his friends... what happens sometimes is it takes them a few days to sort of think and consider what this means, after which they are generally fine. Unless he has friends that are ultra religious or conservative, I seriously doubt there will be any issues.
     
  6. Wesley007

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    Thats so cool. Wish my mum was as cool about things :frowning2: