My 16 year old son is gay - I'm afraid.

Hey, I was 20 when I told my mom (first person I told) and it was a month ago, and I had decided about 3 years before that, that if anyone ever straight up asked me that I would be honest with them. So you never know it might help things along for him. It certainly would have been easier for me If I had opened the can of worms a little earlier. But then again my mom is still the only one that knows. You never know, it can be a delicate situation to sort through. Like others have said, start dropping some major hints and hope he comes forward. Look up news articles and leave them open on the computer for the next time he uses it. You could make jokes about things like how in modern family the extremely flaboyant one is the straight one in real life... or how Barney from How met Your mother is such a lady killer when in real life hes gay. make it as much of a non-issue as possible. and be sure to update if he decides to tell you.

 

You're such a wonderful mother. Your son is so blessed with you and your family. Best wishes to you!

 

I don't have advise beyond what you've already received, I just wanted to tell you that you're awesome.

 

Awe... your story is so heartwarming.

Sexuality is an awkward thing to talk to your parents about. Main thing to do is let him know he can talk to you guys about it. I've always been very open about sexuality with my son. The "education" he's been getting at school about it is very minimal. His friends are starting to become horny little teenagers so more topics have been coming up in the past year. (Including me promising not to hit on his friends when they are older. :eek: ) So, far he seems to be very forthright, and has asked questions during movies and such.

Don't force issues, unless you see your baby in distress. Let him know that you'll help him find any answers he can't find himself. And I think therapy for handling stress better is a good idea. Make sure you are clear you are not trying to fix him of gayness, just trying to make sure he has better coping skills for everything in his life. I used to stress out and almost have a full blown panic attack when I had to get on the phone. I'm better now, thanks to therapy.

Be proud of your son, and don't forget to praise him for being honest and open. I think that shows incredible maturity on his part not to continue concealing his identity. Also, make sure he appreciates his body and self-image, there are all types of gay/bi men out in the world. He doesn't have to adopt characteristics that are foreign to him, he just needs to be himself. He doesn't have to give it up, just cause someone is into him, takes him out for dinner, or just talks a good talk on text. Exploring relationships, dating, sex, is a journey. You certainly remember the first time you dated. So, much of the advice you would have given him if he were straight and starting to date, should be about the same.

 

For a very long period I was afraid of telling my closest friend who was gay even. He must still be coming to terms with who he is, or he is coming out to himself. A phase many of us are familiar with.
And thank you for being there for him. It must be absolutely wonderful to him that he has a father that loves him like e you do.

 

Your son is so incredibly lucky to have you for a mom. I've been unfortunate enough to have parents who were the complete opposite, so parents who love and support their kids no matter what....it gives me hope for the future.

 

I think that if you do want to let him know that you know, not to do it directly. But I would suggest you hint that you know. Do things like talk about LGBT things in the news and such and that you support the LGBT. Even if you know your parents will be accepting, I can tell you from experience that it coming out to your parents is one of the hardest things a person can do. Most importantly, just be patient. Forcing him out of the closet can make tension in your relationship with him. I can ensure you, though that once he does come out you will feel more close with him.

As a side note, thank you for being an ally to the LGBT cause, if it weren't for people like you, we still would be persecuted. Keep doing what you do.

 

Ur such a good mom! i kinda wish my mom was like you.
I mean, my mom supports me on everything and cares about be and makes me happy but....... she kinda hates gay ppl :C
She gets mad whenever we talk about gay ppl :C

 

My Mum had the same reaction as you, my advice, dont be scared be proud of who he is and encourage him to be. Encourage him to be true to himself whatever he may be and teach him that if people have a problem with it or if he gets verbally or physically abused because of it, its because they're arseholes not because he has anything to be ashamed of.

I say all this because I shyed away. I just tried to make friends and im ashamed. The worlds moving on and we should do the same

 

He is lucky to have such a great mom to love and support him. I don't know much about this but I will say that waiting until he's ready seems like the best course of action. I have not come out to my parents yet because I'm not ready and I know that I would feel cornered if they approached me asking me about it. You asking him about it may make it harder for him to come out so if I were in your position I would just let him come out when he is comfortable,

 

You are being a wonderful mother.

I was in my early 20's when my mother suspected. I was offered a cheque for $50k with the condition I move to another city or I could be straight and remain in the family. I'm an only child and my father had died the previous year. It drove me so far into the closet it became a panic room. I denied being gay and chose my family. After a 25 year marriage and 3 children, I final came out...to be who I truly am. I'll never know if it was some perverted form of "tough love" or homophobia. Given that she had friends who were gay, I choose to believe it was "tough love." It was never discussed again.

My mother was a wonderful person, but in this she failed me. I still love my ex and have 3 wonderful children, cannot help but wonder how my life might have turned out had my mother approached this differently. It was also a different time. There was rampant AIDS, homosexuality was a psychological disorder, a choice, and illegal in most states.

Take you son in your arms and tell him how very much you love him for who he is everyday. I'm sure you're doing this already. I'd tell him you saw what he said on Facebook, and that you are there for him. He's a very lucky boy.

As to the homophobia and potential bullying, your support will get him through those dark times. Times that are changing for better. My prayers are with you both.

 

It's great to get an update, so many times parents come on and we hear nothing of what happened afterwards. I'll echo what Chip said above, you should stick around, we have many parents who come on here but most post 2 or 3 times and then we don't see them again, it would be good for people to hear from the other side